Worst goals tally ever - can we do it?

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A depressingly interesting thread !

Currently, our 3 main midfielders have 0 goals between them this season (FFS)

If this total remains the same would this also be a Premiership record ?
 

We can get relegated tonight, think the earliest relegation is 32 games which we will have tonight...
 
- Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 26.....6 games to go....

- Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 12 with 3 to play

- Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 14 with 3 to play

- Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 17 with 6 to play

- Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 55 with 6 to play

- Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - equalled it

- Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it

- Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 25

- Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 31


(Italic = May struggle to beat record)
(Bold = Should beat record)
 
3 short of matching Derby (20) goals (07-08) lowest in Premier League history but could we achieve the ultimate....

1 goal short of matching the all-time lowest goals tally in an English league season - Loughborough (18) in 1899-1900

1 goal should be achievable or is it? 6 games to go. At the moments we are having like 1 shot a game on target if we are lucky so would not bank on it....
 
Deadbat said:
3 short of matching Derby (20) goals (07-08) lowest in Premier League history but could we achieve the ultimate....

1 goal short of matching the all-time lowest goals tally in an English league season - Loughborough (18) in 1899-1900

1 goal should be achievable or is it? 6 games to go. At the moments we are having like 1 shot a game on target if we are lucky so would not bank on it....
Click to expand...
Do you still think Wendy will avoid the drop?
 
UPDATE!:
Least pts: Derby 11 - avoided (we have 14)
Least home points: Sunderland 7 - avoided (we have 10)
Least away point: Derby 3 - avoided (we have 4)
Least home wins: Sunderland 1 - avoided (we have 3)
Least away wins: Several clubs 0 - avoided (we have 1)
Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 26...6 games to go....
Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 12 with 3 to play
Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 14 with 3 to play
Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 17 with 6 to play
Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 56 with 6 to play (would need to ship another 33)
Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - equalled it
Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it
Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 25
Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 31.
 
Most single goal defeats I believe we are now outright RECORD holders.
Earliest relegation, equalled with Ipswich, Derby and Huddersfield.
 
Silent Blade said:
Do you still think Wendy will avoid the drop?
Click to expand...

As you often say, wrong thread! 😂

Seen as you have asked though - I think if they do not win tomorrow night they are completely doomed.

I admit I expected them to get out of it because they are spozzy so and so's and their run of fixtures was kind. I still have an inkling they may take it to the last game. I can see them winning tomorrow, drawing at Boro and winning against Forest.

Hope I am wrong. Love Warnock to send them down Saturday.
 
Deadbat said:
As you often say, wrong thread! 😂

Seen as you have asked though - I think if they do not win tomorrow night they are completely doomed.

I admit I expected them to get out of it because they are spozzy so and so's and their run of fixtures was kind. I still have an inkling they may take it to the last game. I can see them winning tomorrow, drawing at Boro and winning against Forest.

Hope I am wrong. Love Warnock to send them down Saturday.
Click to expand...
I think their only chance of avoiding the drop is if the big 6 are expelled from the PL
 
UPDATE!:
Least pts: Derby 11 - avoided (we have 17)
Least home points: Sunderland 7 - avoided (we have 13)
Least away point: Derby 3 - avoided (we have 4)
Least home wins: Sunderland 1 - avoided (we have 4)
Least away wins: Several clubs 0 - avoided (we have 1)
Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 26...5 games to go....
Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 12 with 2 to play (can equal)
Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 14 with 3 to play
Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 18 with 5 to play
Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 56 with 5 to play (would need to ship another 33)
Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - avoided (we have 11)
Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it
Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 25
Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 31
 
scouseblade said:
UPDATE!:
Least pts: Derby 11 - avoided (we have 17)
Least home points: Sunderland 7 - avoided (we have 13)
Least away point: Derby 3 - avoided (we have 4)
Least home wins: Sunderland 1 - avoided (we have 4)
Least away wins: Several clubs 0 - avoided (we have 1)
Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 26...5 games to go....
Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 12 with 2 to play (can equal)
Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 14 with 3 to play
Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 18 with 5 to play
Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 56 with 5 to play (would need to ship another 33)
Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - avoided (we have 11)
Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it
Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 25
Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 31
Click to expand...
No need for the avoided 😅😘
 
Well, it's really on now isn't it? Only 4 games to score 3 goals. No chance at the rate we are going.

I got some stick upthread for saying that anyone who thinks we will score enough to get in the top 6 next season is deluded in the extreme. I stand by that comment. What a terrible bunch of forwards and midfielders we have from a goalscoring perspective.
 

UPDATE!:
Least pts: Derby 11 - avoided (we have 17)
Least home points: Sunderland 7 - avoided (we have 13)
Least away point: Derby 3 - avoided (we have 4)
Least home wins: Sunderland 1 - avoided (we have 4)
Least away wins: Several clubs 0 - avoided (we have 1)
Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 28....3 games to go....nailed on to equal if not beat....
Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 13 with 1 to play (can equal)
Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 15 with 2 to play (can equal)
Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 18 with 3 to play.....think this is a shoe in
Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 62 with 3 to play (would need to ship another 27 so should avoid)
Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - avoided (we have 11)
Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it
Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 27 (should avoid)
Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 35 (should avoid)
 
scouseblade said:
UPDATE!:
Least pts: Derby 11 - avoided (we have 17)
Least home points: Sunderland 7 - avoided (we have 13)
Least away point: Derby 3 - avoided (we have 4)
Least home wins: Sunderland 1 - avoided (we have 4)
Least away wins: Several clubs 0 - avoided (we have 1)
Most defeats in season: 3 clubs 29 - we have 28....3 games to go....nailed on to equal if not beat....
Most home defeats in season: Sunderland 14 - 13 with 1 to play (can equal)
Most away defeats in season: Burnley 17 - 15 with 2 to play (can equal)
Fewest goals scored: Derby 20 - 18 with 3 to play.....think this is a shoe in
Most goals conceded: Derby 89 - 62 with 3 to play (would need to ship another 27 so should avoid)
Fewest goals scored at home: Man City 10 - avoided (we have 11)
Fewest goals scored away: Norwich 7 - equalled it
Most goals conceded at home: Derby and Wolves 43 - we have 27 (should avoid)
Most goals conceded away: Wigan 55 - we have 35 (should avoid)
Click to expand...
Worst Sheffied United season ever - nailed on. Thanks fucking Chris Wilder.
 
Pretty sure we aren’t going to surpass many of these now, and I certainly can’t see us finding another 3-4 goals.

Top “Shit Assist” maker is still up for grabs though, as is The King of Pap...


 
Well, we are going to make it. No doubt about it. We won’t score again this season.

I’m going to digress and talk a little about the players who’ve done so much to help us smash Derby’s record. First of all, Rhian Brewster, the worst signing ever made by this club when fee and contribution is taken into account. Even John Ebbrell got an assist in his only 45 minutes.

A story: 6 years or so ago, 12 year old Revolution Jr and I had a busy footballing day. He had 2 games in the same day: a cup final at 9am and a league game for another team at 4.30pm. In between, I had a league game at 1pm on a pitch adjacent to Revo Jrs 2nd game. He came along to watch my game, and as we were warming up sat down to eat his sandwiches. We were mid table but playing a team pushing for promotion, a team entirely composed of Germans, no less.

Kick off approaches and we only have 10 men: a few delayed in traffic. Our manager suggests giving Revo Jr a run out to make up the numbers. We give him a shirt and stick him up front (he’s a centre back but needs must). He’s tall for his age but he’s marked by a hulking Teutonic centre back.

Revo Jr plays half an hour. He touches the ball 3 times: twice to kick off (we are 2-0 down when he goes off) and once he nutmegs the Hulk marking him, but he’s never allowed to get near the ball after that. We lose 3-1 but he wins the other 2 games he plays that day.

6 years on, whenever I see Brewster, I think of that game. A boy, completely out of his depth, physically overmatched, in a man’s world, though Brewster Is smaller than Revo Jr was and I’ve never seen him nutmeg anyone.

Moving on to a different point, people say that it’s not Brewster’s fault. It’s the service. Yes, they have a point....but Jebbison blew it out of the water yesterday. The lad was not the second coming of Brian Deane by any means, but he did things. Had a couple of runs. Laid the ball off well. Made his presence felt with the defenders (and it was more than the McBurnie type gratuitous foul - he was trying to win the ball). Showed a little pace and urgency.

If a 17 year old boy, fresh from under 23 football can do that, why hasn’t Brewster ever done it?

Part of me thinks Brewster will never score for us. We will dump him before he does.
 
Revolution said:
Well, we are going to make it. No doubt about it. We won’t score again this season.

I’m going to digress and talk a little about the players who’ve done so much to help us smash Derby’s record. First of all, Rhian Brewster, the worst signing ever made by this club when fee and contribution is taken into account. Even John Ebbrell got an assist in his only 45 minutes.

A story: 6 years or so ago, 12 year old Revolution Jr and I had a busy footballing day. He had 2 games in the same day: a cup final at 9am and a league game for another team at 4.30pm. In between, I had a league game at 1pm on a pitch adjacent to Revo Jrs 2nd game. He came along to watch my game, and as we were warming up sat down to eat his sandwiches. We were mid table but playing a team pushing for promotion, a team entirely composed of Germans, no less.

Kick off approaches and we only have 10 men: a few delayed in traffic. Our manager suggests giving Revo Jr a run out to make up the numbers. We give him a shirt and stick him up front (he’s a centre back but needs must). He’s tall for his age but he’s marked by a hulking Teutonic centre back.

Revo Jr plays half an hour. He touches the ball 3 times: twice to kick off (we are 2-0 down when he goes off) and once he nutmegs the Hulk marking him, but he’s never allowed to get near the ball after that. We lose 3-1 but he wins the other 2 games he plays that day.

6 years on, whenever I see Brewster, I think of that game. A boy, completely out of his depth, physically overmatched, in a man’s world, though Brewster Is smaller than Revo Jr was and I’ve never seen him nutmeg anyone.

Moving on to a different point, people say that it’s not Brewster’s fault. It’s the service. Yes, they have a point....but Jebbison blew it out of the water yesterday. The lad was not the second coming of Brian Deane by any means, but he did things. Had a couple of runs. Laid the ball off well. Made his presence felt with the defenders (and it was more than the McBurnie type gratuitous foul - he was trying to win the ball). Showed a little pace and urgency.

If a 17 year old boy, fresh from under 23 football can do that, why hasn’t Brewster ever done it?

Part of me thinks Brewster will never score for us. We will dump him before he does.
Click to expand...
Don’t turn it into a Jebbo v Brewster debate. Jebbo hasn’t come into a club as a key signing with a £20m price tag on his head and when all’s said and done, he had a couple of good touches and put one on one of their players. It’s unfair on both to start comparisons.

We can’t “dump him” after paying that much for him, we have to at least give him a chance at a lower level under a new manager. Don’t get me wrong, if we were offered decent money for him, there’s a strong argument to accept it but right now I think there’s more chance of Kylie phoning me up and saying “fancy a shag, I’m bored”.
 
BushBlade said:
Don’t turn it into a Jebbo v Brewster debate. Jebbo hasn’t come into a club as a key signing with a £20m price tag on his head and when all’s said and done, he had a couple of good touches and put one on one of their players. It’s unfair on both to start comparisons.

We can’t “dump him” after paying that much for him, we have to at least give him a chance at a lower level under a new manager. Don’t get me wrong, if we were offered decent money for him, there’s a strong argument to accept it but right now I think there’s more chance of Kylie phoning me up and saying “fancy a shag, I’m bored”.
Click to expand...
It’s not a debate between playing one or the other. The point is that Brewster has not even achieved the modest level of performance that a debutant managed yesterday. That says a lot about Brewster.

I agree 100 per cent that Brewster will be tried. That doesn’t mean we won’t dump him after we’ve tried him if he fails.
 
Oli Burke, then.

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So it is with Chris Wilder and Paul Heckingbottom re the use of Oli Burke.

In the summer, United had the rare luxury of a player that we weren't planning to use being wanted by another PL club. Callum Robinson had disappointed, but WBA wanted him after he had gone on loan there. Rather than holding out for a full cash payment, United took Burke in part exchange.

At this point, things took a really strange turn. Chris Wilder started talking Burke up as a striker. This was surprising to most people who had actually seen Burke play, because he (a) was invariably used as a winger or a wing back and (b) has a scoring rate that makes Conor Sammon look like Sergio Aguero. Wilder said that he had the attributes of a striker, and we would use him as one.

It turns out that Burke has none of the attributes of a striker.

He can't shoot, he can't pass, he falls over, he can't run with the ball, he has pace but never seems anywhere near long balls, his crossing is poor, and his mistimed headers are the stuff of legend. There is an argument that Burke is the least talented player in the league this season, though there are others that run him close.

Is his 25 league games Burke has managed one goal, a deflected effort at Old Trafford which was probably our best moment of the season but which would have not gone in had Tuanzebe not got in front of De Gea. Other than that, his highlight reel consists of the following things by my reckoning:

  • An excellent run against Villa that led to the penalty that Lundstram missed
  • Outpacing David Luiz at the Emirates and getting pulled back, no goal resulting
  • A good header at WBA from Bryan's cross that was tipped over
  • Robbing Dean Henderson in the home game v Man Utd to set up Didzy's first goal
  • a good run against Brighton followed by an awful miss

That's 6 things, including the goal. Once every 4 games, Burke does something worth doing. Twice there has been a goal as a result.

It was obvious after a few weeks that Burke wasn't a striker. And yet Wilder kept trotting him out there. You could look at the teamsheet and see, say, Burke and McBurnie and think, well, no goals today.

And of course, Heckingbottom carries on doing the same thing. Burke started Saturday up front. He had a header off his shoulder that went 4 yards wide, and did nothing else of note in the game. Why does he start up front? What does Heckingbottom expect is going to happen?

And throughout this farce, this pretence that the poor lad is something he is not and likely never will be (not above League One at least), neither of our managers have tried Burke at wing back or on the wing - you know, a position that he's actually played before in top leagues in various countries. There was a home game a few weeks ago - sorry, they all merge into one and I can't remember which - where after substitutions Burke found himself at wing back for 2 minutes, but we can't have that, can we, and someone else came on to ensure he was shunted back up front.

I am genuinely baffled as to how Burke has been transferred for multi million pounds on more than one occasion, and yet I feel really sorry for the lad, expected week after week to try to do something he has proved time and time again that he cannot do competently.

Insanity.
 
Revolution said:
Oli Burke, then.

Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So it is with Chris Wilder and Paul Heckingbottom re the use of Oli Burke.

In the summer, United had the rare luxury of a player that we weren't planning to use being wanted by another PL club. Callum Robinson had disappointed, but WBA wanted him after he had gone on loan there. Rather than holding out for a full cash payment, United took Burke in part exchange.

At this point, things took a really strange turn. Chris Wilder started talking Burke up as a striker. This was surprising to most people who had actually seen Burke play, because he (a) was invariably used as a winger or a wing back and (b) has a scoring rate that makes Conor Sammon look like Sergio Aguero. Wilder said that he had the attributes of a striker, and we would use him as one.

It turns out that Burke has none of the attributes of a striker.

He can't shoot, he can't pass, he falls over, he can't run with the ball, he has pace but never seems anywhere near long balls, his crossing is poor, and his mistimed headers are the stuff of legend. There is an argument that Burke is the least talented player in the league this season, though there are others that run him close.

Is his 25 league games Burke has managed one goal, a deflected effort at Old Trafford which was probably our best moment of the season but which would have not gone in had Tuanzebe not got in front of De Gea. Other than that, his highlight reel consists of the following things by my reckoning:

  • An excellent run against Villa that led to the penalty that Lundstram missed
  • Outpacing David Luiz at the Emirates and getting pulled back, no goal resulting
  • A good header at WBA from Bryan's cross that was tipped over
  • Robbing Dean Henderson in the home game v Man Utd to set up Didzy's first goal
  • a good run against Brighton followed by an awful miss

That's 6 things, including the goal. Once every 4 games, Burke does something worth doing. Twice there has been a goal as a result.

It was obvious after a few weeks that Burke wasn't a striker. And yet Wilder kept trotting him out there. You could look at the teamsheet and see, say, Burke and McBurnie and think, well, no goals today.

And of course, Heckingbottom carries on doing the same thing. Burke started Saturday up front. He had a header off his shoulder that went 4 yards wide, and did nothing else of note in the game. Why does he start up front? What does Heckingbottom expect is going to happen?

And throughout this farce, this pretence that the poor lad is something he is not and likely never will be (not above League One at least), neither of our managers have tried Burke at wing back or on the wing - you know, a position that he's actually played before in top leagues in various countries. There was a home game a few weeks ago - sorry, they all merge into one and I can't remember which - where after substitutions Burke found himself at wing back for 2 minutes, but we can't have that, can we, and someone else came on to ensure he was shunted back up front.

I am genuinely baffled as to how Burke has been transferred for multi million pounds on more than one occasion, and yet I feel really sorry for the lad, expected week after week to try to do something he has proved time and time again that he cannot do competently.

Insanity.
Click to expand...
If he cannot run with the ball, shoot, head or pass. I dread to think what he is like trying to defend.
He literally (and i am sure he is a lovely bloke) does not have a footballers brain.
 
The forwards have been crap we all know that apart from Billy.
Brewster don,t write him off yet. I am sure he will do well next season.
As for the others, £20m plus completely wasted.
 

All faith we CAN get the lowest goal tally ever 💪 ignore the doubters....😭😂
 
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