Shamelessly copied from elsewhere for your enjoyment:-
Just been reading Bournemouths injury report from the weekend, and it's not good.
Nathan Ake, 3rd degree burns to his arse and his knees, caused by hitting the turf from a great height, every time any fucker went near him.
Dan Gosling, compound fractures in both legs following that horrendous Egan challenge, where he almost got touched. Terrifying watching in slow motion, Egan was perilously close to brushing against Goslings leg, poor bloke was terrified.
Harry Wilson, fractured cheek bones, broken jaw and two ruptured eye sockets. Cameras failed to pick up any contact but the poor lad almost had a hair out of place before he was substituted due to the severity of his injuries.
Ryan Frazer, currently in an induced coma due to several bleeds on the brain. Also suffered a ruptured spleen, collapsed lung, multiple fractures, dislocated collar bone and grass stains on his knees. Apparently his injuries worsened when he saw the doctor heading towards him, threw himself off the bed and rolled around on the ground resulting in more abrasions.
Diego Rico, announced his retirement from professional football and was recently unveiled as the new lead singer for The Rubettes. His high pitched screaming didn't go unnoticed and Mickey Most (ask your grandad) snapped him up as soon as he heard how easily the cheeky scamp could raise a high pitched scream for no apparent reason.
Following the carnage, the Blades players were whisked out of the country in a Lord Lucan like escape. Warrants have been issued for their arrests and Interpol are pushing to get them back in the country where they will face charges of almost touching a bunch of nonces.
âš” âš” âš”
