Sorry for the lateness, straight out to a gig after the match. A better one tonight than the two last weekend where the first one resulted in a pissed up woman falling into and taking down our left hand speaker and lighting rig, and the second one me (yes, fifty eight years old and a granddad) feytin with a punter who'd nicked my £850-00 radio mic. No such fun tonight, but we had 'em singin', dancin' and cavortin'.
Glad I started with that because talking about United these days is pretty painful, isn't it? Today was like watching your toy poodle in a parkscrap with a Staffordshire Pit Bull Terrier. After we'd yapped and nipped at Blackburn, they simply picked us up in those jaws and shook us about.
Okay, it was a great start but with a similar synchronicity to the Bournemouth game with Sharp doing all the grown up work and setting up one of the nippers, you just knew that we'd never score again and were likely to fuck things up. Really pleased to see Brewster get his first Blades league goal after thirty odd fucking appearances but after that he was just his usual, abject, shit-value-for-a-lot-of-money self. Shoutbox practically jizzed itself onto empty bollocks territory when it went in and yeah, it was a great finish, but the next forty minutes of creeping submission told us all we needed to know. United are, and remain not even good enough for this league, let alone a team who suffered a 7-0 bum-trunking last time out. Predictably, Snr Brereton-Diaz-de-la-Santiago-y-con-carne proved a reyt fucking handful, despite Bash being practically the only player we own who could deal with him. But Blackburn, like most teams, showed no fear for us. Sure, they're one down to an early straight right, but here you go, motherfucker ... have that ... that ... and THAT. It was like watching Bruno take on Tyson again. The big daft cunt had landed a few early smacks on the insane, neckless lunatic from Catskill, but you could see, 'Arry, that the only scared one was Frank, because all it did was make Tyson think, 'cheeky cunt', and before you know it, Bruno's got his back to the ropes with Tyson landing sickening punch after sickening punch with no response, hoping the ref will step in, wave his arms and remove his gumshield before Tyson hits him so fucking hard he shits his own eyeballs out.
We were bound to lose, weren't we? Keep saying it, but we've been found badly out, shipping players as a squad who save for a rare exception, will definitely struggle even next year if we get relegated. I don't really think we ever deserved to be in the Premiership to be honest, given the past season and a half has shown us that the rump of the squad individually have no redeeming footballing assets. Olsen is no way an international keeper, Bogle has nothing to add to the game, Egan is a pale shadow of the moderately decent centre back we once admired, Stevens is finished at Championship level, Norwood and Fleck are dismally easy to play against and get the better of and are progressively getting worse as footballers, Osborn - despite kind words and hopes - is pretty ineffective all over the pitch, Brewster has proven to be possibly the biggest and worst signing ever with nothing to show which can save his name or credibility (and that goal may be the only league goal he scores this season), see also Berge who is an injury-prone flop, Burke is a joke as a professional footballer, McBurnie another dismal failure in red and white, Freeman ... who?, Mousset a fucking strap-hanging liability, Baldock is fading fast into the wallpaper of dross ... 20/1 Bar. The only redeeming factors are Ndaiye and MGW who even then, overplay things but at least try and the evergreen Chris Basham who is head and shoulders above everyone else in terms of footballing nous and vision and could be still playing in the top flight. Billy and Didsy are triers, but are shot to bits now and everything else stinks the temple of Bramall Lane out. Sure, we've been in crisis before but the last slump was at least gradual, like a non-specific urethritis. One minute you're pounding a grim old hound from Batemoor and taking shit from your mates in the pub the next day, but it's some weeks before you are pissing razorblades and your bulb looks like a Pudsey nose, and you have to have something unpleasant shoved down your angry old meatus. This collapse is more like herpes ... you can almost feel it at work as you are drunkenly hammering away at said lady's undermeats. What the fuck am I fucking going on about? Yeah, here it is. We are fucked, and this time we know it. Last time it was like, 'Hey, how come we ended up eleventh in the third division? How did that happen?' It was like, it happened so predictably and gradually it hurt, but not as much. Watching this shower of useless jizzlobbers its now clear that last season was just the start ... and it won't finish until their contracts run out and they all leave Bramall Lane in a fucking coach going the other way out of the gates with the same crowds cheering and chucking beer like May two years ago. In fact they might just get carried OUT of BDTBL and placed on the coach and showered with bottles of warm, acrid pubdrinkers' piss.
Kevin McCabe, woeful shitcunt that he was, must be laughing himself shitless at us. And in truth, I don't blame him.
Olsen 3/10: Getting worse and worse by each game. He is basically Steve Simonsen with blonde hair. No, hold that. He's Lee Baxter. There. I said it.
Bogle 3/10: Some fleeting interactions but has declined in confidence and ability since the Fulham away injury
Egan 3.5/10: Another former legend now who is simply not delivering
Basham 6.5/10: Good on and off the ball and key interceptor in moments of crisis. But was to blame for Cameron Diaz's goal
Stevens 1/10: Not even at the game today. I am deeply saddened by this bloke's collapse in credibility. He was such a good player for us at one time
Norwood 3.5/10: He's still woefully exposed and overborne by any opposition. One or two long punts today but generally his performance can be summed up as horseshit with hay in it
Fleck 1/10: Fucking dreadful
MGW 5.5/10: He grafts but it seems like he is on another FIFA level to everyone else, so it looks like he is on 'Semi-Pro' whilst the team is on 'Arse'
Osborn 3.5/10: The usual. Runs about, achieves nothing.
Brewster 3/10: Two full marks for his finish and goal
Sharp 5/10; The only player who is still committed to United, it seems. Worked hard for the goal
Mousset 1/10: About as useful as tits on a snake
Ndaiye 2/10: No effect
Baldock 3/10: No effect
We are in trouble, Bladesmen. Have been for some time and Slav isn't the cause. We won't be a credible, match winning side until the majority of these wasters have been farmed out, bought out or their shitty contracts expire. And they won't see a queue at the door to take them on or sign our legion of duds too. Want someone to blame? He's just taken over at Middlesbrough.
pommpey
