Sean the Blade
Member
As the dust is settling, and no doubt being swept under the carpet, around the Wednesday investment saga, I thought I would offer my own take on the situation, as it stands. It has been said on RS that any investment would, in the main, be directed towards reducing the club’s debt, a prudent measure. But will this take the club forward on the field? I doubt it very much, although we are led to believe that money raised from early season ticket sales will be channelled in to the squad.
Anyhow, you don’t read my articles for serious business insight, so here is my real take on the events down in S6…
The door was snatched inwards and Strafford’s head shot out “Which dude is sawing ply-wood outside my office!? Give it a rest, I trying to type in here!”
Lee’s attention was grabbed “Whooo dude!” Lee exclaimed as a blue and white striped police box materialised before his very eyes “This is sooo cuwel dude”. Lee noticed a brief click and saw the police box door opening, the brim of a large Stetson emerged, closely followed by a pair of cowboy boots, which contained (oddly enough) a cowboy “Howdy pardner” said the cowboy, extending a hand.
Lee nervously extended his own, and the pair greeted “Who… who are you?”
“I” the cowboy paused for dramatic effect “am The Investor”
“Investor, who?”
“You got it pardner,” the Investor clicked his tongue and pointed a finger at Lee “that’s me, but you can call me ‘Investor’ and I’m here just in time by the look of it” he said, dodging a piece of falling masonry. Lee brushed the plaster from his shoulders and found his voice again “What – is – that?” he asked pointing at the striped police box “Well, that’s the PIGDIS, the Porcine Investment Generating Doublespeak In Sheffield. In this, sir, I have travelled the Stars”
“Really?”
“Sure have, Sheffield Star, Rotherham Star, Barnsley Star, even as far as The Daily Star!” The Investor produced a shiny tool from his pocket, pointed it at the PIGDIS, pressed a button and the PIGDIS’s blue light flashed a couple of times, in time with the two chirrup sounds, and the locks locked firmly “Can’t be too careful”
“What’s that?” Asked Lee.
“A sonic screwdriver”
“Screwdriver, I might have some work for you, when can…” The Investor held up a hand to silence Strafford, then another, and then just placed both hands over his mouth “Will you shut the hell up pardner, I’m no artisan, I’m a specialist in sports investment, I have clients from all over the universe, and today I’m gonna save YOUR club, yes pardner, your time has come” Lee’s face beamed “I seen you on the TV, I heard you on the radio, I read about you in the papers, researched you on the inter-web, spoke to you in forums, seen you at meetings… I’m impressed, you never stop talking do you boy?”
“Well I have my moment’s dude”
“Ok, well let me see your books, I got to ensure I’m on to a good thing here, I’m generous, not foolish!
Lee ushered The Investor in to his office “Right, which book do you want to look at first?”
“Well let’s start with this year’s”
“Do you want Spring and Summer or Autumn and Winter?”
“Huh?”
“Which book?”
“What you talking about son?”
“Well I’ve got Great Universal, Empire Stores and Littlewoods, oh AND Shop-a-check book in case we overspend a bit and need a bit of money quick!”
“Son, you ain’t got a clue have you, I’m outta here!” The Investor bustled through the door to be greeted by the sight of the PIGDIS sat on bricks, covered in graffiti “Sorry” said Strafford, embarrassed “The boys just wanted to give you a proper Hillsborough welcome”
Strafford once again witnessed the PIGDIS’s wizardry as it dematerialised, he turned back to his office, made his way to his desk, and sat, placing his head in his hands. His intercom crackled, and his secretary’s voice filled the room “Mr Strafford, there’s… someone… here to see you… he says he’s a relative”
“Oh God, not him, send him in”
His office door opened and Strafford’s half brother of Greek descent, half man, half machine, slowly wheeled into the room “What do you want Straffros?”
“I come with a warning brother mine” he raised a tallonned hand “today you will feel the awesome power of the REALITY BOMB! Your days of spin and twaddle are over, and I shall be master of this club once and for all!” Straffros pressed a button on his console. Deep inside a vault in the Co-op bank pin-striped machines silently warmed their circuits, the room filled with an eerie blue glow.
Almost silently an electronic voice from ages past began to chant, it grew with power in to a cacophony “WE ARE THE DEE-DAR-LEKS, ADMINISTRATE ADMINISTRATE, ADMINISTRATE, ADMINISTRATE…”
Anyhow, you don’t read my articles for serious business insight, so here is my real take on the events down in S6…
The door was snatched inwards and Strafford’s head shot out “Which dude is sawing ply-wood outside my office!? Give it a rest, I trying to type in here!”
Lee’s attention was grabbed “Whooo dude!” Lee exclaimed as a blue and white striped police box materialised before his very eyes “This is sooo cuwel dude”. Lee noticed a brief click and saw the police box door opening, the brim of a large Stetson emerged, closely followed by a pair of cowboy boots, which contained (oddly enough) a cowboy “Howdy pardner” said the cowboy, extending a hand.
Lee nervously extended his own, and the pair greeted “Who… who are you?”
“I” the cowboy paused for dramatic effect “am The Investor”
“Investor, who?”
“You got it pardner,” the Investor clicked his tongue and pointed a finger at Lee “that’s me, but you can call me ‘Investor’ and I’m here just in time by the look of it” he said, dodging a piece of falling masonry. Lee brushed the plaster from his shoulders and found his voice again “What – is – that?” he asked pointing at the striped police box “Well, that’s the PIGDIS, the Porcine Investment Generating Doublespeak In Sheffield. In this, sir, I have travelled the Stars”
“Really?”
“Sure have, Sheffield Star, Rotherham Star, Barnsley Star, even as far as The Daily Star!” The Investor produced a shiny tool from his pocket, pointed it at the PIGDIS, pressed a button and the PIGDIS’s blue light flashed a couple of times, in time with the two chirrup sounds, and the locks locked firmly “Can’t be too careful”
“What’s that?” Asked Lee.
“A sonic screwdriver”
“Screwdriver, I might have some work for you, when can…” The Investor held up a hand to silence Strafford, then another, and then just placed both hands over his mouth “Will you shut the hell up pardner, I’m no artisan, I’m a specialist in sports investment, I have clients from all over the universe, and today I’m gonna save YOUR club, yes pardner, your time has come” Lee’s face beamed “I seen you on the TV, I heard you on the radio, I read about you in the papers, researched you on the inter-web, spoke to you in forums, seen you at meetings… I’m impressed, you never stop talking do you boy?”
“Well I have my moment’s dude”
“Ok, well let me see your books, I got to ensure I’m on to a good thing here, I’m generous, not foolish!
Lee ushered The Investor in to his office “Right, which book do you want to look at first?”
“Well let’s start with this year’s”
“Do you want Spring and Summer or Autumn and Winter?”
“Huh?”
“Which book?”
“What you talking about son?”
“Well I’ve got Great Universal, Empire Stores and Littlewoods, oh AND Shop-a-check book in case we overspend a bit and need a bit of money quick!”
“Son, you ain’t got a clue have you, I’m outta here!” The Investor bustled through the door to be greeted by the sight of the PIGDIS sat on bricks, covered in graffiti “Sorry” said Strafford, embarrassed “The boys just wanted to give you a proper Hillsborough welcome”
Strafford once again witnessed the PIGDIS’s wizardry as it dematerialised, he turned back to his office, made his way to his desk, and sat, placing his head in his hands. His intercom crackled, and his secretary’s voice filled the room “Mr Strafford, there’s… someone… here to see you… he says he’s a relative”
“Oh God, not him, send him in”
His office door opened and Strafford’s half brother of Greek descent, half man, half machine, slowly wheeled into the room “What do you want Straffros?”
“I come with a warning brother mine” he raised a tallonned hand “today you will feel the awesome power of the REALITY BOMB! Your days of spin and twaddle are over, and I shall be master of this club once and for all!” Straffros pressed a button on his console. Deep inside a vault in the Co-op bank pin-striped machines silently warmed their circuits, the room filled with an eerie blue glow.
Almost silently an electronic voice from ages past began to chant, it grew with power in to a cacophony “WE ARE THE DEE-DAR-LEKS, ADMINISTRATE ADMINISTRATE, ADMINISTRATE, ADMINISTRATE…”
