Turfing

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raul said:
But how do you work out which little Kitty is responsible for the little present no-one has actually harmed themselves with? Phoreniscs? Taste? What?
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Cats are territorial animals, so, by laying a cable they are laying a claim on your garden. You will therefore only get one using YOUR garden as a toilet, or another that is challenging for this particular spot. By strategically placing your laced tuna you will only attract the culprit, or its challenger. Ergo you will stop the kitty that IS or GOIN TO drop logs in your little patch of heaven, or even both.


quod erat demonstrandum
 
Sean, I hope that's a joke or you are indeed a bastard.
 
Not very diplomatic Diplomat.

If it was a joke it would be in very poor taste, as mentioned above, I feel I have been drawn into trolling. I do not indeed use anti-freeze to rid MY garden of other peoples verminous felines, I simply open my back door and whisper the three magic words to my two Jack Russells "there's a moggy" & they do the rest, much quicker and more humane
 
That's fine Sean. I just like cats that's all and the idea of anyone poisoning my little mate sickens me. A dog chasing him is fine. I would pick up his poo but the idea of him letting me follow him for a walk is unlikely. He tends to shit in my garden tbf to the little megson colored wee man.

I take back my insinuation that you might be a bastard.

Utb
 
we've only got a yard.. sob

>Its good that in this age of "infraction" good ol Animal cruelty just gets glossed over as a bit of a jape
hmm i'd bought you a frankie boyle dvd for your birthday.. i'd better go and swap it for summat else
 
Well after all said i must take the plunge and get some laid. The goal posts will look much better with grass round.
 
super_pig said:
we've only got a yard.. sob

>Its good that in this age of "infraction" good ol Animal cruelty just gets glossed over as a bit of a jape
hmm i'd bought you a frankie boyle dvd for your birthday.. i'd better go and swap it for summat else
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You see you just don't get it do you. He's funny and your not. I'm actually wondering if your as super as your name suggests.
 
Willie Carlin said:
She'll be right. Best time for laying turf this time of year, before it gets too dry.
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Well thats it Got to take the plunge in the next two weeks.
Quality is important though. Do I go for premier in the hope that year after year it will keep well? or maybe just go for some run of the mill stuff knowing that it degrades to what I should expect?
 
Sean the Blade said:
Cats are territorial animals, so, by laying a cable they are laying a claim on your garden. You will therefore only get one using YOUR garden as a toilet, or another that is challenging for this particular spot.
Click to expand...

Not remotely true Sean. We have one big dog and three cats and they all shit in our garden.
The cats, of course, shit in other places - not just the cat litter they all have access to.

On another matter.
What's happend to your surreal stories? I always looked forward to those.
Have the creative juices stopped flowing like goals from a Blades XI?
 
Sean the Blade said:
Cats are territorial animals, so, by laying a cable they are laying a claim on your garden. You will therefore only get one using YOUR garden as a toilet, or another that is challenging for this particular spot. By strategically placing your laced tuna you will only attract the culprit, or its challenger. Ergo you will stop the kitty that IS or GOIN TO drop logs in your little patch of heaven, or even both.
quod erat demonstrandum
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Ineed some garden electrics, are any cool cats you know available?
 
boo radley said:
Well thats it Got to take the plunge in the next two weeks.
Quality is important though. Do I go for premier in the hope that year after year it will keep well? or maybe just go for some run of the mill stuff knowing that it degrades to what I should expect?
Click to expand...

So you dont know how many seasons you want quality for?
 



This year due to cost cutting they're only going to be digging up the centre circle. There, they will bury what is a now dead and defunct team and then plant some new seeds which will grow thick and fast due to the amount of shit in the ground.
 
wardlowwanderer said:
This year due to cost cutting they're only going to be digging up the centre circle. There, they will bury what is a now dead and defunct team and then plant some new seeds which will grow thick and fast due to the amount of shit in the ground.
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And the reason for this is that it is round. It may only be two dimensional, but hopefully will give the new team the idea of a three dimensional similar shaped thing that we hope they will get used to.
 
Ollessendro said:
Boo me owd mucker. Av bin avin turfing problems in me garden fo some time nar. Let me explain.

A few years ago I ad some reit turf. Fuckin butiful. Me neighbours were reit envious. However we had a bad winter n turf started to go a bit funny. I got this gardener in to do some work. He used to be good at cutting trees darn and I thought it could transfer across (or mi landlord did). Mi landlord employed this gardener and gid im loads of cash. He had some reit tools, good seeds, good soil and everythin looked in order. We'd sort it out quick and av an even better garden than before. However, it turned out he were a piss head Geordie who cunt do fuck all. He made a reit mess of the garden and its never bin the same.

We then go this cheap gardner in to fix things. My landlord saw him playing in the net for the Dog and Dug pub team n he thought he'll do. Bought him pints every Friday neet for wages. Cheaps as chips did oreit at first, but then after a while he got reit negative and risk averse. Rather than tryin to build a nice garden, he just tried to feit the weeds.

Mind you, the goaluie had his hands tied. My landlord lost interest in the garden n then he started selling everything. He sold the rake, the shovel, the strimmer, the lawnmower and the hand cutters. If that wernt bad enough, the fuckin two hat started messin with the lawn. He dug up the seeds, started selling off the turf and made a reit mess.

Av bin sayin to him for ages that we need to get the seeds reit. Vuild from the bottom. Use the good seeds. However that plank dint listen. The estage agent tryin to sell the place told him that he'd be better bringin in turf from other gardens. I said it's short term-ism, but them no knowts went ahead. Nar av got a garden that's full of cobbled together pieces of turf from other garden. Most of it acv got to gi back. The seeds are gash and in most places we dunt av owt. It's a reit mess.

This summer I plan to dig it all up and plant some new seeds. Clear out all the aging, loaned and no good turf and start all over agen.
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This is like the Shed Update part 2
 
apmeds said:
This is like the Shed Update part 2
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It's all abart d garden mucker! Just di wait til next season we a start buildin mi pond :D

Cool Clint said:
Why hasn't the dingle gorilla seen this and bought in?
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67 bastard quid. That's why! Duz da fink mi landlord will shell art fo that bad boy?? He chuks confetti on a string!? Neyw Clinty boy, am stuck wi duff tools t try n sort mi turf art. Fuckin garden is a reit mess. Crap shed, turf is patchy, poor n aif or it needs to be sent back!?
 
Looks like no help from the dingle gorilla then. He's a tight arse and wont invest to get good turf in the future. Mind you for someone who'd take a heavy loss to the pigs to get someone out, he appears scared to try and shift any groudsman to get turfing done right.
 
boo radley said:
Looks like no help from the dingle gorilla then. He's a tight arse and wont invest to get good turf in the future. Mind you for someone who'd take a heavy loss to the pigs to get someone out, he appears scared to try and shift any groudsman to get turfing done right.
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I ant got no muney to spend ..... its not mi lawn ...... it's not mi tools ...... therez bin 3 other gardeners ere already this year .....
 
Ollessendro said:
I ant got no muney to spend ..... its not mi lawn ...... it's not mi tools ...... therez bin 3 other gardeners ere already this year .....
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I aint talking about your garden. Just coz its all gone pear shaped and the Russian billion man has not fitted a lock for you and 1 of his workers has managed to help show Mrs O how to install a staight microphone shower head. Stuck in your own little world, while here's me trying to plan for the future and get proper turf laid so we can all enjoy it.You just keep rabbiting on about the hole in your pocket where your change dropped out.
 
Just a little fertilizer from time to time may not be enough to keep your new turf in tip top condition. A good all year round policy of care is required starting with a bit of investment in new seed for the cracks.
 
Cool Clint said:
Just a little fertilizer from time to time may not be enough to keep your new turf in tip top condition. A good all year round policy of care is required starting with a bit of investment in new seed for the cracks.
Click to expand...

Sounds like somebody is trying to muscle in on the consultancy that I provided to Boo a couple of weeks back. If we're not careful Clint, we'll be heading for a turf war!
;)
 
Boo, dig de fookin garden up. It needs a big mek-ovver. The turf just int up to it! Tha needs t dig the whole thing up (bar a couple of nice old patches), get some nice young seeds in, get the weedkilla darn n den fertlize the new seeds.

It waint be easy tho pal ..... all cum n gi thi n and if that wants :D
 
So got some young fresh turf. Watered in very well and the re growth looks as though its going to take well.
 
It may be depending on your garden that you have several types of turf. Please remember that they all need a different type of nurturing.
 



Ollessendro said:
It's all abart d garden mucker! Just di wait til next season we a start buildin mi pond :D



67 bastard quid. That's why! Duz da fink mi landlord will shell art fo that bad boy?? He chuks confetti on a string!? Neyw Clinty boy, am stuck wi duff tools t try n sort mi turf art. Fuckin garden is a reit mess. Crap shed, turf is patchy, poor n aif or it needs to be sent back!?
Click to expand...

You have to start a garden growing in the right way. Quality turf then you may think about your storage spaces.
 
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