Sean the Blade
Member
“Ho-hooo top-o-the-morning to yer, yer handsome bugger ye…” Jollied Stephen Quinn as he greeted himself in the mirror. He showered, dried himself “Shall I have a shave?” he mused “Nah! Let the ginger FREEE!” he called out in his mind. He made his way to the bedroom, and there under the gossamer, emerald sheets lay his elf-like wife, he bent over her and whispered “Oim off ter kick dat big ol bag o wind about fer a bit, when oim done, oil pick yer up and we’ll go out cobbling and then I’ll take ye ter me pot-o-gold at the end of the rainbow… if it’s raining, and sunny, cos yer need dat fer a rainbow!” he kissed her and left.
Whistling a merry tune and clicking his heels Stephen made his way to the kitchen. A bowl of Lucky Charms later, Stephen stood, pinched his nose and blew, immediately he disappeared in a puff of smoke (and you thought Rent-A-Ghost made it up!). He reappeared on the training field “Sorry Oim late sorr” He doffed an imaginary cap at Danny Wilson “Don’t give me any of that bull Quinny, have you been tarmacking drives again?”
“No sorr, dat was just a one off favour fer Mr McCabe, as da front of dat hotel would’ve looked a real pig otherwise…”
“Don’t be givin me any of yer Blarney Quinny, remember, I’ve got twenty four caps for Northern Ireland…”
“And I’ve got a room full of Blades shirts, but I’m hardly a feckin ‘Dee-dar am oi?”
Danny swung a playful clip at Stephen, which he ducked, and then skipped away “Yer no feckin Barry McGuigan neither!”
Danny gathered his squad around him “Now then lads, we’ve worked on the basics again today, so remember it’s ‘I’ before ‘E’ except…”
“After ‘C’…” repeated the players “And the thing that’s going to make you look and sound thick is the use of the ‘double negative’ you either ‘didn’t get anything’ OR ‘we got nothing’. You see In English a double negative means a POSITIVE, as opposed to certain other languages, such as Russian, where a double negative retains its negative connotation. Interestingly, though, in NO LAGUAGE does a double positive form a negative”
A voice from the crowd commented “Yeah, right!”
“Quinny, can you come to the office when you’re showered and changed… Tomorrow boys, it’s apostrophes!”
Stephen knocked on Danny’s door and walked in the office, Danny raised his head from the paperwork on his desk, his eyes met the Irishman’s, then changed focus, over his shoulder. Stephen’s Leprechaun sense tingled, he turned, and there sat behind him was, indeed, Kevin McCabe, the sunlight reflecting off his game-show-host suit and ceramic teeth “er, top-o-the-mornin’ to yer Mr McCabe, I taught you was away out of da country, I taught you you’d gone to, like, ter that there abroad place…”
“I was abroad, but urgent business brought me back to Sheffield”
“And what urgent business would dat be Kevin, Mr McCabe, boss, sorr?”
“Someone has come in with an offer, a big offer, one we really have to consider!”
“Are DEY big?”
“A household name!”
“Do you mean… not really… could it be????”
“Yes…”
“You mean… Man…”
“Timpsons”
“…United? WHAT?”
“Yes, they needed a cobbler automaton for outside their Sheffield shop, so I thought to myself, leprechauns are shoemakers AND you’ll work out cheaper! So I did a deal, you start Monday”
Whistling a merry tune and clicking his heels Stephen made his way to the kitchen. A bowl of Lucky Charms later, Stephen stood, pinched his nose and blew, immediately he disappeared in a puff of smoke (and you thought Rent-A-Ghost made it up!). He reappeared on the training field “Sorry Oim late sorr” He doffed an imaginary cap at Danny Wilson “Don’t give me any of that bull Quinny, have you been tarmacking drives again?”
“No sorr, dat was just a one off favour fer Mr McCabe, as da front of dat hotel would’ve looked a real pig otherwise…”
“Don’t be givin me any of yer Blarney Quinny, remember, I’ve got twenty four caps for Northern Ireland…”
“And I’ve got a room full of Blades shirts, but I’m hardly a feckin ‘Dee-dar am oi?”
Danny swung a playful clip at Stephen, which he ducked, and then skipped away “Yer no feckin Barry McGuigan neither!”
Danny gathered his squad around him “Now then lads, we’ve worked on the basics again today, so remember it’s ‘I’ before ‘E’ except…”
“After ‘C’…” repeated the players “And the thing that’s going to make you look and sound thick is the use of the ‘double negative’ you either ‘didn’t get anything’ OR ‘we got nothing’. You see In English a double negative means a POSITIVE, as opposed to certain other languages, such as Russian, where a double negative retains its negative connotation. Interestingly, though, in NO LAGUAGE does a double positive form a negative”
A voice from the crowd commented “Yeah, right!”
“Quinny, can you come to the office when you’re showered and changed… Tomorrow boys, it’s apostrophes!”
Stephen knocked on Danny’s door and walked in the office, Danny raised his head from the paperwork on his desk, his eyes met the Irishman’s, then changed focus, over his shoulder. Stephen’s Leprechaun sense tingled, he turned, and there sat behind him was, indeed, Kevin McCabe, the sunlight reflecting off his game-show-host suit and ceramic teeth “er, top-o-the-mornin’ to yer Mr McCabe, I taught you was away out of da country, I taught you you’d gone to, like, ter that there abroad place…”
“I was abroad, but urgent business brought me back to Sheffield”
“And what urgent business would dat be Kevin, Mr McCabe, boss, sorr?”
“Someone has come in with an offer, a big offer, one we really have to consider!”
“Are DEY big?”
“A household name!”
“Do you mean… not really… could it be????”
“Yes…”
“You mean… Man…”
“Timpsons”
“…United? WHAT?”
“Yes, they needed a cobbler automaton for outside their Sheffield shop, so I thought to myself, leprechauns are shoemakers AND you’ll work out cheaper! So I did a deal, you start Monday”
