Olle is smarter than Bert .... FACT

[Ollessendro]

Ollessendro decided he wanted to go and watch United play at Orient this weekend. However not only is Olle a tight bastard, he also has principles. Even though he likes listening to the James Morrison loop, he did not want to pay the premium rate for calling 0875 or whatever the fook it is. Nor did Olle want to use the net, because in Dingle-land the t’internet does not exist. Olle was pondering what on earth he could do to save a few pence, whilst making sure he can watch his beloved team on Sat-di.

Ollessendro went and proved that he is not a numpty and is in fact very smart, with an ingenious solution. Olle decided to send his dad to buy the tickets! Papa Luigi rocked up to the ticket office and bought 4 tickets. No booking fee, no premium rate phone numbers and no James Morrison. Papa Luigi is a senior citizen and therefore not only does he have nowt to do (marginal utility of his time is low) but he also has a free bus pass. Olle’s dad did not have to pay for transport and saved on CO2 emissions from post and from taking the car. Though Olle thinks Bert cares little for the environment (with all his trips to Cuba) Olle just showed that he is savvy-er that old Bertie.

Olle also read in his how numpties guide to be smart that if you put FACT at the end of an opinion that it indeed makes the opinion become a fact. Olle thinks that the evidence is pretty conclusive, but just in case …. Olle is more savvy than Bertrude. FACT!

Pennies jangling in pocket, flat capped perched high on head, double chin held high, Olle will be waltzing through East London feeling pretty good abart him sen on Sat-di.

 

[Northyorksblade]

A bus??? How common

 

[Bert]

Bert is unable to send his father to collect tickets due to the fact that Bert Snr has resided in Burncross Rd Cemetery, Chapeltown, for the last 10 years.

 

[Bedrock Blade]

Bert is unable to send his father to collect tickets due to the fact that Bert Snr has resided in Burncross Rd Cemetery, Chapeltown, for the last 10 years.

Pah! Lame excuse.

 

[Kenilworth]

Oh. I thought Olle was extending assistance to everyone and offering the services of his old man (ooerr Mrs) in collecting and posting tickets to Forum members. Given that his pierre has "nowt to do" I thought that he would be only too pleased to help Bert and others procure their vouchers of despair on a regular basis.

 

[georgebernardshaw]

Bert is unable to send his father to collect tickets due to the fact that Bert Snr has resided in Burncross Rd Cemetery, Chapeltown, for the last 10 years.

George has just entered this into his database under "miracles required"

 

[Darren]

Oh. I thought Olle was extending assistance to everyone and offering the services of his old man (ooerr Mrs) in collecting and posting tickets to Forum members. Given that his pierre has "nowt to do" I thought that he would be only too pleased to help Bert and others procure their vouchers of despair on a regular basis.

Darren thinks that if Ollie had an ounce of Bert's entrepenurial flair, he would be pimping out his old dad's service so as to undercut United's telephone handling charge. So, if United charge a £1 handling fee, Olly could offer his dad's services for 50p, he just then waits until he has a few offers and sends his dad down to collect the lot, whilst pocketing the resulting £4.50 or whatever.

 

[Kenilworth]

Darren thinks that if Ollie had an ounce of Bert's entrepenurial flair, he would be pimping out his old dad's service so as to undercut United's telephone handling charge. So, if United charge a £1 handling fee, Olly could offer his dad's services for 50p, he just then waits until he has a few offers and sends his dad down to collect the lot, whilst pocketing the resulting £4.50 or whatever.

Are you sure that Olle's Owd Feller won't just go into the nearest boozer and sup a pint or two of lager on the proceeds

 

[Darren]

Are you sure that Olle's Owd Feller won't just go into the nearest boozer and sup a pint or two of lager on the proceeds

Darren thinks Kenilworth misunderstands. Olly gets the money. His dad (who seems a tractable cove) gets nowt.

 

[Kenilworth]

Darren thinks Kenilworth misunderstands. Olly gets the money. His dad (who seems a tractable cove) gets nowt.

Kenilworth is unsure if Darren has taken it upon himself to write like Bert on every thread from now on?

 

[Darren]

Kenilworth is unsure if Darren has taken it upon himself to write like Bert on every thread from now on?

Darren sees Kenilworth's point. His resolution (as far he recalls, but he is getting a bit senile these days) was to only talk like Bert on threads started by Bert. He now sees that Bert did not start this thread, so he is really just being an arse for which he humbly apologises.

 

[broomhillblade]

Meanwhile, in the real world:

http://stevengoddard.wordpress.com/2012/09/30/sea-ice-sets-all-time-record-high/

 

[Ollessendro]

Olle wants to know who the fook mentioned a bus? Papa Luigi gets the train direct from Dingle on Dearne straight into Sheffield station.

Ollessendro wishes he was a bit more commerically savvy, but he is struggling to see whether it is worthwhile. Olle doesn't like the idea of posting the tickets (carbon emissions) and stamps cost money, which eats into Olle's profit. If Olle would need to get his dad to buy a hell of a lot of tickets for it to be worthwhile. Plus Papa Luigi has a taste for real ale. Olle has concerns that Papa Luigi would have to pass the Rutland Arms to get to Bramall Lane (well in a kind of zig zag route). Olle also knows that if his dad has more than 10 mins to wait for a train that he will be in the Sheffield Tap. Olle wonders whether his business venture might end up increasing Thornbridge's profits, rather than leading to pennies in his pocket.

And Broomhill .... Olle thinks this news means that Papa Luigi's sustainable sourcing of SUFC tickets is all the more important!

 

[Grecian2000]

Meanwhile, in the real world:

You think linking to that fruitcakes site represents anything to do with the real world?

In the next real world announcement, "Santa Claus, he exists".

 

[Darren]

You think linking to that fruitcakes site represents anything to do with the real world?

In the next real world announcement, "Santa Claus, he exists".

This could start a whole new sub thread of things people on here are never heard to say:

Broomhill Blade: "this global warming thing really worries me"
Bert: "sod it, it's only a couple of quid, who cares".
Walthamstow Blade "Life's really too short to argue about that"
Olly : "I really like to keep myself to myself"
Beighton Blade "I think typing in stndard English is so importnat"
Me: "you do what with your girlfiend? Tha's disgusting".

There must be many more....

 

[beightonblade]

HEY .....yer just think yer smart .......... McWobbleGob is the real McCoy.

He's definateley smarter than the average bear .....yabadabadooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 

[Sheff de party]

SDP would like to extend to Olle his congratulations for locating some cut price tickets and bow to his savvyness.

SDP is mainly saying this because he has been looking forward to the visit to Orient all year, but will miss it because he is attending a wedding. Save him a trip to London that right? No. SDP only lives THREE stops away on the FUCKING CENTRAL LINE but will be tucked away in Newcastle come kick off.

 

[Sheff de party]

This could start a whole new sub thread of things people on here are never heard to say:

Broomhill Blade: "this global warming thing really worries me"
Bert: "sod it, it's only a couple of quid, who cares".
Walthamstow Blade "Life's really too short to argue about that"
Olly : "I really like to keep myself to myself"
Beighton Blade "I think typing in stndard English is so importnat"
Me: "you do what with your girlfiend? Tha's disgusting".

There must be many more....

Metalblade: That McCabe character is so business savvy he could have saved every British bank, but alas, he is too busy working for the good of our club. What a trooper.

 

[Deleted member 875]

Bert is unable to send his father to collect tickets due to the fact that Bert Snr has resided in Burncross Rd Cemetery, Chapeltown, for the last 10 years.

Brownie went to Ecclesfield School with a kid who was nicknamed the Undertaker, the reason the kid was nicknamed the Undertaker was that he once made the disclosure that he used to mastrubate in Burncross Road Cemetary.

 

[Jon Bon]

Jon Bon can't believe his luck at finding another thread to refer to himself in the third person. Jon Bon thinks that this third person malarkey is nearly as good as masturbating.

But it's not really so Jon Bon is popping over to Xhamster for 20 minutes or so.

 

[super_pig]

SP hasn't got a clue what you are all prattling on about

 

[Northyorksblade]

Olle wants to know who the fook mentioned a bus? Papa Luigi gets the train direct from Dingle on Dearne straight into Sheffield station.

Silly me, I thought when you said papa had a free bus pass, that he used it to get to Bramall Lane. Easy mistake

 

[SwissBlade]

Swiss sees an opportunity here to combine the forces of Ollies Dad and Bert.

Swiss thinks that Both Bert and Ollies dad could be used as "Drug Mules".

Swiss thinks that because of Berts frequent travels to Cuba, Bert has a perfect cover.

Either that or.... Sorry... Swiss thinks that either that or Bert and Ollies Dad could be starting a revolution in Cuba funded by the 0845 savings

 

[Bert]

Swiss sees an opportunity here to combine the forces of Ollies Dad and Bert.

Swiss thinks that Both Bert and Ollies dad could be used as "Drug Mules".

Swiss thinks that because of Berts frequent travels to Cuba, Bert has a perfect cover.

Either that or.... Sorry... Swiss thinks that either that or Bert and Ollies Dad could be starting a revolution in Cuba funded by the 0845 savings

Drugs are practically non existant in Cuba as nobody has any money to buy them. Although the police occasionally close sections of the beach when something gets washed up or thrown overboard from a boat enroute to the US of A.
As for stating a revolution over there...not a good idea at all, a very long stretch in a Cuban prison would be the result.

 

[SwissBlade]

Drugs are practically non existant in Cuba as nobody has any money to buy them. Although the police occasionally close sections of the beach when something gets washed up or thrown overboard from a boat enroute to the US of A.
As for stating a revolution over there...not a good idea at all, a very long stretch in a Cuban prison would be the result.

I think I have finally managed to crack bert, bert didn't speak in third person on this post!

 

[Northyorksblade]

I think I have finally managed to crack bert, bert didn't speak in third person on this post!

But he didn't speak in the first either

 

[SwissBlade]

But he didn't speak in the first either

Out of acorns....

 

[BornOnShorehamStreet]

I think I have finally managed to crack bert, bert didn't speak in third person on this post!

BoSS thinks that Bert drops put of third person speak to counter balance all the other third person speak that goes on in threads to which he contributes...

 

[shorehamview]

SV is wondering why Bert can't follow Olle's fine example in getting a third party to fetch tickets for Bert?

SV reckons that this could be down to one of three reasons.

1. Bert is such a nice chap, and wealthy too, that he has taken every one of his family and friends to Cuba with him, thus leaving nobody of Bert's acquaintance to tootle down to BDTBL for said tickets.

2. Bert hasn't accumulated his vast wealth making him rich beyond the dreams of mortals by just giving money willy and indeed nilly to any old fart, who may potentially swerve said ticket mission and spend the money on Werther's Originals and Tennent's Super, so Bert prefers to conduct all fiscal transactions face to face with the happy inmates of BDTBL ticket office on the rare occasions when Bert isn't getting cosmetic surgery in Cuba like that Bond film baddie, the one with the diamonds in his face in that shit Bond film with the invisible Aston Martin. Crap film, and rubbish effects too. Plus if that Madonna is an actress then SV is a monkey's uncle.

3. The world is devoid of souls who actually like Bert enough to accept so demeaning a task as actually fetching Bert's tickets, like some kind of lackey or lickspittle. Bert will just have to top up his tan ticket free.

Perhaps Bert could enlighten us? Is he looking any younger these days, or less North Korean, for example?

 

[Bert]

SV is wondering why Bert can't follow Olle's fine example in getting a third party to fetch tickets for Bert?

SV reckons that this could be down to one of three reasons.

1. Bert is such a nice chap, and wealthy too, that he has taken every one of his family and friends to Cuba with him, thus leaving nobody of Bert's acquaintance to tootle down to BDTBL for said tickets.

2. Bert hasn't accumulated his vast wealth making him rich beyond the dreams of mortals by just giving money willy and indeed nilly to any old fart, who may potentially swerve said ticket mission and spend the money on Werther's Originals and Tennent's Super, so Bert prefers to conduct all fiscal transactions face to face with the happy inmates of BDTBL ticket office on the rare occasions when Bert isn't getting cosmetic surgery in Cuba like that Bond film baddie, the one with the diamonds in his face in that shit Bond film with the invisible Aston Martin. Crap film, and rubbish effects too. Plus if that Madonna is an actress then SV is a monkey's uncle.

3. The world is devoid of souls who actually like Bert enough to accept so demeaning a task as actually fetching Bert's tickets, like some kind of lackey or lickspittle. Bert will just have to top up his tan ticket free.

Perhaps Bert could enlighten us? Is he looking any younger these days, or less North Korean, for example?

Bert is in fine fettle and as youthful looking as a man 15 years younger. He puts it down to his daily gym visits and a healthy diet, plus all the hard work he did over the last 40 years.
He would also like to point out that plastic surgery is almost non existent in Cuba.

Bert has been to all 5 League games this season but has only paid twice, he won't be disclosing how that came about. Bert knows when to keep his gob shut.