My take ...

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pommpey said:
Yet another great example of the reality of Sheffield United, 2020-21 season.

Ever used to watch The Harlem Globetrotters on World of Sport? Dickie Davies used to gleefully announce the next ten minutes was watching them do tricks and play round what we believed, as kids, were another professional set of basketball players but really, they were just 'mules', people put there to make the Medowlark and Curly look fucking good. They'd be sold every feint, allow the showmen to dribble dazzlingly past them and the Globetrotters would end most moves with the basketball bouncing off arses, elbows and Curly's cock to be fucking slamdunked each time to the joy of the armrollin', whoopin'-and-a-hollerin', gun-totin', uncle-fuckin' audience. Nowadays they've moved onto the homoerotic vision of WWF bellends rolling about with each other and hitting each other with aluminium stepladders and chairs to quell their lust for violence (and wonder why schools and shopping malls get shot up regularly). But I digress ...

We look like a 'demonstration opposition team'. If we are not making naïve endeavour to play it out from the back like the grown up teams in the PL do (note: Arsenal tried to do this a few weeks ago and were bitten badly) then we are playing like the Globetrotters hapless opponents, simply providing obstacles in the way to play around. Aside from some lukewarm performances, tonight we played exactly like we are going to be - a Championship side. And any detractors or delusionals out there who think that because we are a freshly relegated side and will hence 'do a Norwich/Watford' and wank copiously over next season's opposition and secure promotion by Easter needs to wake the fuck up. Tonight is 'Wilder' writ large and lit up with sparkly beams. This is his team and for large portions we cluelessly played by his system and rules. And Arsenal were all over us, even weakened by injury themselves.

I don't really think we did that badly in defence, as usual. But as ever, the three free-kick dummies in midfield were dreadfully shit, once again. Please ... everyone ... recognise that even next season, we will only progress with these three replaced. Berge will go, and even with the disappointingly low fee we command for his transfer to the subs bench of one of the top six, the first thing we buy is midfield talent. We don't need disconnected, demoralised and effectively dismal number-makers. We need people who will turn the game, attack from all positions and see the opportunities. Norwood ... have a look at that ball straight through our cetre which turned Ampadu and put Lacazette in with the move he'd been waiting all fucking game to make. You did it versus Plymouth for Sharp. Why can't you put Brewster through with the same fucking pass? Honestly, he spends all game pissing about pretending he is the Regista ... and just ends up being robbed, played around and simply watching Arsenal negate his position. If he gets the ball, he looks up, there's nothing. He dawdles, looking for the inevitable, readable long pass and suddenly its off his feet or he's pressed backwards. With Lundstram, it's business as usual for this chancer. He arrived as a practically useless replacement for a hole created by Coutts's injury and strove to impress, lucked out and flattered to deceive last year (he even had me fooled) and now is back to where he is and should be. Division One standards of output. And Fleck now just doesn't seem to remember what LCM means. You might as well hang a Blades shirt on a 5'8" free kick dummy. Even when it was blatantly obvious (like, all fucking season, mind ... ) that 5-3-2 isn't working and we went 4-3-1-2 with Osborn doing his level best to make some sort of impact in the Duffy role, the midfield three were still a woeful dollop of peanutty shit. There was just nothing to offer. They continued to do what they'd always fucking done. Receive, get closed down, panic like fuck, fail to turn and move up the pitch, go backwards, back to Ramsdale. We failed to get out of our fucking half for much of the game either in or out of possession and Arsenal just waited for us to fuck up, and we did. First goal, ball watching. Second goal, Lundstram at his best and third goal a mastery lesson in how to put your forward in on goal.

Ramsdale 6/10: Can't give him much more to be honest. He was beaten by three goals, none of which - maybe the second - he could do owt about, but was fucking lucky with that daft driven clearance in the first half. Seen them go in.
Baldock 5/10: He's losing his rag more and more each game. Everything around him is now unfamiliar territory, he can't push up the pitch much these days and everything his going from diarrhoea to blood for him. Wouldn't be surprised to see a transfer request in the close season from him
Ampadu 5.5/10: Had a reyt tussle with Lacazette and picked up a pointless yellow near the end, but I understand his frustration and anger. Never mind. A few games left and he can fuck off back to Chelsea and get loaned out to a football team who gives a fuck
Egan 5/10: Still seemingly finding his feet but some timely interventions and tackles, but was flat footed for Lacazette's first. Ironic that one of our shots on goal was his tame volley.
Stevens 2/10: Fucking rubbish. Error prone and exposed. A real weak link now at LCB
Osborn 6/10: Played really well in comparison to everyone else, but on balance isn't technical or clever enough to play in the top flight. Ran his arse off in the No10 spot, for the sum total of jack shit
Lundstram 0/10: Abject, talentless and way, way out of his depth. That ball for their second summed him up. If you catch him when the opposition score these days in the replays, there isn't a scrap of disappointment or frustration on his Easter Island dish. Can't wait for the statement, 'Released - John Lundstram'. Be fucking interested which daft arsed club, even at Division One level, takes this miscreant on.
Norwood 2/10: Generous marking, I know. We covered endlessly how ineffective Norwood is and I don't intend outlining - again - what a pisspoor player he is and continues to be. After tonight's non-productive showing I'd like to see anyone justify why they reckon he'd be any better next season. He needs to go. We have suffered enough. At least we didn't get that many corners tonight to hammer further near-post-nails into his footballing coffin
Fleck 2/10: Another player with whom we have finished business with. His time is done, and I don't see him imposing next season too.
McGoldrick 5/10: Tried to be involved. Scuffed our only real chance but Xakha was all over him. He seems to be the only person in our team who 'gets football' and is dangerous. But that is stretching reality and belief. IN effect he's not really good enough to compete at this level either, even though he is our top scorer, in reality, if we'd got our shit together he'd be our fourth top scorer by now.
Burke 2/10: Bloody woeful. Fast as fuck, but in my eyes, not even nearly a footballer. I would love to hear Wilder and Knill's reasoning why the swap with WBA for Callum Robinson was so fucking compelling

McBurnie 1/10: No pub-stuff tonight. But the first thing he did was pass to their player. Twenty million.
Brewster 1/10: Hardly got a touch. Yet again. Twenty three million.
Mousset 0/10: What the flying fuck is this bloke doing at the club? Ten million and he spoons a chance round the post by a billion fucking light years. Fuck's sake, fatty. Kozluk or Montgomery would have scored that.

Heckingbottom 0/10: Being driven from remote from Wilder's PS4.

pommpey
Click to expand...

You might as well make this your last My Take, Pommps; not because every match is going the same way, but because you'll struggle to better your description of the Harlem Globetrotters - a genuine laugh out loud, properly out loud as well, moment!
 
Greenwich Blade said:
You might as well make this your last My Take, Pommps; not because every match is going the same way, but because you'll struggle to better your description of the Harlem Globetrotters - a genuine laugh out loud, properly out loud as well, moment!
Click to expand...




With that catchy, whistled theme tune, clicky-fingers too?

That's us, that is.

pommpey
 
pommpey said:
First

pommpey
Click to expand...
Hi Pommps, this is how bad it’s got. I’ve just found out the result by looking at your post. I absolutely get how we played with your description of the Harlem Globetrotters, although I was thinking of the cartoon rather than the real globetrotters. I think I was probably closer to the reality after reading your full report.

How fucking sad is that? 50 years and I’d forgotten we were playing, although a combination of beer, gin, wine, brandy and the golf probably contributed but nonetheless.......what a fucking state!

Keep up the good work!
 
Bayingblade said:
Hi Pommps, this is how bad it’s got. I’ve just found out the result by looking at your post. I absolutely get how we played with your description of the Harlem Globetrotters, although I was thinking of the cartoon rather than the real globetrotters. I think I was probably closer to the reality after reading your full report.

How fucking sad is that? 50 years and I’d forgotten we were playing, although a combination of beer, gin, wine, brandy and the golf probably contributed but nonetheless.......what a fucking state!

Keep up the good work!
Click to expand...
In the cartoon version, weren't the stooges always winning at half-time?
 
One of your very best analogies pommpey , cheered me right up after the continuing misery of this season.

When I was a kid and playing for the first time in junior cricket, my dad would see my disappointment at getting out and "console" me every time with "never mind, lad, think of the joy you've given to the bowler"

I still try, but it stings.
 
Norwood

You can see why other teams off loaded him.
He hits a plateau in performance

He puts in the effort with each new challenge. Then he seems to lose focus
Be good for him and us to go separate ways
He needs a fresh challenge
We want someone focused
 

Yes absolutely, I’ve been thinking the same analogy for weeks. Bank Holiday Monday in the 60’s and 70’s on the TV Schedule with Disney Time. From the Empire Pool Wembley with Alan Weeks‘ commentary as the Globetrotters strutted their stuff against the likes of the Boston Rockets or the Chicago Demons.

The saddest thing of all is Arsenal are nowhere near Harlem Globetrotters standard.
 
Thanks again, for saying what I wanted to say, but better.
It's like some sort of therapy reading it.
I think I love you Pommps ❤️
 
blade too long said:
Norwood

You can see why other teams off loaded him.
He hits a plateau in performance

He puts in the effort with each new challenge. Then he seems to lose focus
Be good for him and us to go separate ways
He needs a fresh challenge
We want someone focused
Click to expand...

Been banging on about Norwood now for ooh ... ages. He's a fucking showpony. He has one trick - the feted 'ping'. This season I doubt we've benefitted on iota from that. In fact, I have only ever seen it used effectively and pleasingly just the once - that crossfield ball last season straight into the patch of Baldock. It was world-class stuff. But do we have to endure everything else in his toolbag just to get one fucking pass out of him? Michael Doyle may have been pretty cack at times, but he at least got stuck in and at least left it out on the green stuff most games. See also a raft of middling/shit midfielders like Patterson, Monty, Brian Howard and Stephen Quinn, sometimes they'd feature at 6/10 levels of output. Norwood is painfully short of what is needed at the top level. I hope he moves on, finds a lower level club where his ability and talents will unlock defences and he can do what he wants and is good at, but in the top flight its predictable and he lacks the capability to compete man-to-man in the midfield business. Don't believe me? Look at the goal we shipped vs West Ham at home. Look at the one we shipped at Palace away. Siggurdsson's goal at the Lane. I could go on.

I don't know if it's 'focus' but 'capability' we need. And it's not just him. It's the other two muppets alongside him and that fucking cursed 5-3-2 system (which I am now glad people are using the term 'Wilderball' and '5-3-2' rather than the untruth of 'overlapping centre backs' and 3-5-2)

pommpey
 
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pommpey said:
Been banging on about Norwood now for ooh ... ages. He's a fucking showpony. He has one trick - the feted 'ping'. This season I doubt we've benefitted on iota from that. In fact, I have only ever seen it used effectively and pleasingly just the once - that crossfield ball last season straight into the patch of Baldock. It was world-class stuff. But do we have to endure everything else in his toolbag just to get one fucking pass out of him? Michael Doyle may have been pretty cack at times, but he at least got stuck in and at least left it out on the green stuff most games. See also a raft of middling/shit midfielders like Patterson, Monty, Brian Howard and Stephen Quinn, sometimes they'd feature at 6/10 levels of output. Norwood is painfully short of what is needed at the top level. I hope he moves on, finds a lower level club where his ability and talents will unlock defences and he can do what he wants and is good at, but in the top flight its predictable and he lacks the capability to compete man-to-man in the midfield business. Don't believe me? Look at the goal we shipped vs West Ham at home. Look at the one we shipped at Palace away. Siggurdsson's goal at the Lane. I could go on.

I don't know if it's 'focus' but 'capability' we need. And it's not just him. It's the other two muppets alongside him and that fucking cursed 5-3-2 system (which I am now glad people are using the term 'Wilderball' and '5-3-2' rather than the untruth of 'overlapping centre backs' and 3-5-2)

pommpey
Click to expand...
After watching our current midfield I find myself nostalgic for some of their predecessors. Plus we had a good song for Stephen Quinn!
 
I don't disagree with with any of your OP Pommpey. When they played the fake crowd noise who heard "You're not fit to wear the shirt" because had we all been there that is the only thing you would have heard. They only thing united in that team was playing like they did not give a flying f*** and didn't have a spine or self respect between them. This is the season when Sheffield United "took the knee" and forgot to get up when the whistle blew to start the game. Woeful, inadequate, supine and an insult.
 
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pommpey said:
Yet another great example of the reality of Sheffield United, 2020-21 season.

Ever used to watch The Harlem Globetrotters on World of Sport? Dickie Davies used to gleefully announce the next ten minutes was watching them do tricks and play round what we believed, as kids, were another professional set of basketball players but really, they were just 'mules', people put there to make the Medowlark and Curly look fucking good. They'd be sold every feint, allow the showmen to dribble dazzlingly past them and the Globetrotters would end most moves with the basketball bouncing off arses, elbows and Curly's cock to be fucking slamdunked each time to the joy of the armrollin', whoopin'-and-a-hollerin', gun-totin', uncle-fuckin' audience. Nowadays they've moved onto the homoerotic vision of WWF bellends rolling about with each other and hitting each other with aluminium stepladders and chairs to quell their lust for violence (and wonder why schools and shopping malls get shot up regularly). But I digress ...

We look like a 'demonstration opposition team'. If we are not making naïve endeavour to play it out from the back like the grown up teams in the PL do (note: Arsenal tried to do this a few weeks ago and were bitten badly) then we are playing like the Globetrotters hapless opponents, simply providing obstacles in the way to play around. Aside from some lukewarm performances, tonight we played exactly like we are going to be - a Championship side. And any detractors or delusionals out there who think that because we are a freshly relegated side and will hence 'do a Norwich/Watford' and wank copiously over next season's opposition and secure promotion by Easter needs to wake the fuck up. Tonight is 'Wilder' writ large and lit up with sparkly beams. This is his team and for large portions we cluelessly played by his system and rules. And Arsenal were all over us, even weakened by injury themselves.

I don't really think we did that badly in defence, as usual. But as ever, the three free-kick dummies in midfield were dreadfully shit, once again. Please ... everyone ... recognise that even next season, we will only progress with these three replaced. Berge will go, and even with the disappointingly low fee we command for his transfer to the subs bench of one of the top six, the first thing we buy is midfield talent. We don't need disconnected, demoralised and effectively dismal number-makers. We need people who will turn the game, attack from all positions and see the opportunities. Norwood ... have a look at that ball straight through our cetre which turned Ampadu and put Lacazette in with the move he'd been waiting all fucking game to make. You did it versus Plymouth for Sharp. Why can't you put Brewster through with the same fucking pass? Honestly, he spends all game pissing about pretending he is the Regista ... and just ends up being robbed, played around and simply watching Arsenal negate his position. If he gets the ball, he looks up, there's nothing. He dawdles, looking for the inevitable, readable long pass and suddenly its off his feet or he's pressed backwards. With Lundstram, it's business as usual for this chancer. He arrived as a practically useless replacement for a hole created by Coutts's injury and strove to impress, lucked out and flattered to deceive last year (he even had me fooled) and now is back to where he is and should be. Division One standards of output. And Fleck now just doesn't seem to remember what LCM means. You might as well hang a Blades shirt on a 5'8" free kick dummy. Even when it was blatantly obvious (like, all fucking season, mind ... ) that 5-3-2 isn't working and we went 4-3-1-2 with Osborn doing his level best to make some sort of impact in the Duffy role, the midfield three were still a woeful dollop of peanutty shit. There was just nothing to offer. They continued to do what they'd always fucking done. Receive, get closed down, panic like fuck, fail to turn and move up the pitch, go backwards, back to Ramsdale. We failed to get out of our fucking half for much of the game either in or out of possession and Arsenal just waited for us to fuck up, and we did. First goal, ball watching. Second goal, Lundstram at his best and third goal a mastery lesson in how to put your forward in on goal.

Ramsdale 6/10: Can't give him much more to be honest. He was beaten by three goals, none of which - maybe the second - he could do owt about, but was fucking lucky with that daft driven clearance in the first half. Seen them go in.
Baldock 5/10: He's losing his rag more and more each game. Everything around him is now unfamiliar territory, he can't push up the pitch much these days and everything his going from diarrhoea to blood for him. Wouldn't be surprised to see a transfer request in the close season from him
Ampadu 5.5/10: Had a reyt tussle with Lacazette and picked up a pointless yellow near the end, but I understand his frustration and anger. Never mind. A few games left and he can fuck off back to Chelsea and get loaned out to a football team who gives a fuck
Egan 5/10: Still seemingly finding his feet but some timely interventions and tackles, but was flat footed for Lacazette's first. Ironic that one of our shots on goal was his tame volley.
Stevens 2/10: Fucking rubbish. Error prone and exposed. A real weak link now at LCB
Osborn 6/10: Played really well in comparison to everyone else, but on balance isn't technical or clever enough to play in the top flight. Ran his arse off in the No10 spot, for the sum total of jack shit
Lundstram 0/10: Abject, talentless and way, way out of his depth. That ball for their second summed him up. If you catch him when the opposition score these days in the replays, there isn't a scrap of disappointment or frustration on his Easter Island dish. Can't wait for the statement, 'Released - John Lundstram'. Be fucking interested which daft arsed club, even at Division One level, takes this miscreant on.
Norwood 2/10: Generous marking, I know. We covered endlessly how ineffective Norwood is and I don't intend outlining - again - what a pisspoor player he is and continues to be. After tonight's non-productive showing I'd like to see anyone justify why they reckon he'd be any better next season. He needs to go. We have suffered enough. At least we didn't get that many corners tonight to hammer further near-post-nails into his footballing coffin
Fleck 2/10: Another player with whom we have finished business with. His time is done, and I don't see him imposing next season too.
McGoldrick 5/10: Tried to be involved. Scuffed our only real chance but Xakha was all over him. He seems to be the only person in our team who 'gets football' and is dangerous. But that is stretching reality and belief. IN effect he's not really good enough to compete at this level either, even though he is our top scorer, in reality, if we'd got our shit together he'd be our fourth top scorer by now.
Burke 2/10: Bloody woeful. Fast as fuck, but in my eyes, not even nearly a footballer. I would love to hear Wilder and Knill's reasoning why the swap with WBA for Callum Robinson was so fucking compelling

McBurnie 1/10: No pub-stuff tonight. But the first thing he did was pass to their player. Twenty million.
Brewster 1/10: Hardly got a touch. Yet again. Twenty three million.
Mousset 0/10: What the flying fuck is this bloke doing at the club? Ten million and he spoons a chance round the post by a billion fucking light years. Fuck's sake, fatty. Kozluk or Montgomery would have scored that.

Heckingbottom 0/10: Being driven from remote from Wilder's PS4.

pommpey
Click to expand...
That’s a really good post pommpey and just about sums it up. I think Lundstram was lucky to get 0. I like the analogy of a ‘demo opposition team’, it really does capture the debacle that is unravelling before us as each painful game cuts a swathe through our collective self belief and pride. Heckingbottom similarly lucky to get 0 but I suppose in many ways that is a description rather than a grading. . A seemingly, pointless, toothless, clueless lump on the touchline. We may as well have a cardboard cutout of Wilder with a tape loop - “the system’s fine....the system’s fine...”. Speaking of the great man, what an absolute shambles he has left us in. As the chickens come home to roost sad to see that the rooster himself has simply fucked off (taking a golden egg with him)

I am going to take you to task about your Harlem Globetrotters analogy! As a 13 year old we went on a school trip to see them in London. Apart from the obvious pantomime element what struck me was how bloody good the patsies on the opposition team were. You have to be bloody good to appear bad sometimes (Victor Borge, Les Dawson both excellent pianists who were skilled at making it sound bad for comic effect). The team playing the HGs had to be very good for huge parts of the game so the HGs ‘comeback’ was even more impressive. They got their pay cheques and walked off with dignity with everyone knowing they were highly skilled professionals. This shower in the red and white couldn’t beat a team of 11 traffic cones at the moment.

So my level of footballing debate has now sunk to me questioning the validity of a Harlem Globetrotters analogy. Please, God, let it be over soon.
 

Bladeulike said:
That’s a really good post pommpey and just about sums it up. I think Lundstram was lucky to get 0. I like the analogy of a ‘demo opposition team’, it really does capture the debacle that is unravelling before us as each painful game cuts a swathe through our collective self belief and pride. Heckingbottom similarly lucky to get 0 but I suppose in many ways that is a description rather than a grading. . A seemingly, pointless, toothless, clueless lump on the touchline. We may as well have a cardboard cutout of Wilder with a tape loop - “the system’s fine....the system’s fine...”. Speaking of the great man, what an absolute shambles he has left us in. As the chickens come home to roost sad to see that the rooster himself has simply fucked off (taking a golden egg with him)

I am going to take you to task about your Harlem Globetrotters analogy! As a 13 year old we went on a school trip to see them in London. Apart from the obvious pantomime element what struck me was how bloody good the patsies on the opposition team were. You have to be bloody good to appear bad sometimes (Victor Borge, Les Dawson both excellent pianists who were skilled at making it sound bad for comic effect). The team playing the HGs had to be very good for huge parts of the game so the HGs ‘comeback’ was even more impressive. They got their pay cheques and walked off with dignity with everyone knowing they were highly skilled professionals. This shower in the red and white couldn’t beat a team of 11 traffic cones at the moment.

So my level of footballing debate has now sunk to me questioning the validity of a Harlem Globetrotters analogy. Please, God, let it be over soon.
Click to expand...

I don't doubt the 'mules' were good basketball players at all. You have to 'know the game' to be that shit on purpose.

My point is that United play like they are being paid to be shit. It's like they have been briefed to be mules for every fucking team playing for us.

And yep - I agree with everything else. I saw Victor Borge at Sheffield City Hall way back in time as he was one of my dad and my favourite comedians. He was utterly brilliant even at being shite at playing piano. Les Dawson too.

pommpey
 
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