pommpey
THE FUTURE ... AS IT USED TO BE
- Banned
- #1
Yet another great example of the reality of Sheffield United, 2020-21 season.
Ever used to watch The Harlem Globetrotters on World of Sport? Dickie Davies used to gleefully announce the next ten minutes was watching them do tricks and play round what we believed, as kids, were another professional set of basketball players but really, they were just 'mules', people put there to make the Medowlark and Curly look fucking good. They'd be sold every feint, allow the showmen to dribble dazzlingly past them and the Globetrotters would end most moves with the basketball bouncing off arses, elbows and Curly's cock to be fucking slamdunked each time to the joy of the armrollin', whoopin'-and-a-hollerin', gun-totin', uncle-fuckin' audience. Nowadays they've moved onto the homoerotic vision of WWF bellends rolling about with each other and hitting each other with aluminium stepladders and chairs to quell their lust for violence (and wonder why schools and shopping malls get shot up regularly). But I digress ...
We look like a 'demonstration opposition team'. If we are not making naïve endeavour to play it out from the back like the grown up teams in the PL do (note: Arsenal tried to do this a few weeks ago and were bitten badly) then we are playing like the Globetrotters hapless opponents, simply providing obstacles in the way to play around. Aside from some lukewarm performances, tonight we played exactly like we are going to be - a Championship side. And any detractors or delusionals out there who think that because we are a freshly relegated side and will hence 'do a Norwich/Watford' and wank copiously over next season's opposition and secure promotion by Easter needs to wake the fuck up. Tonight is 'Wilder' writ large and lit up with sparkly beams. This is his team and for large portions we cluelessly played by his system and rules. And Arsenal were all over us, even weakened by injury themselves.
I don't really think we did that badly in defence, as usual. But as ever, the three free-kick dummies in midfield were dreadfully shit, once again. Please ... everyone ... recognise that even next season, we will only progress with these three replaced. Berge will go, and even with the disappointingly low fee we command for his transfer to the subs bench of one of the top six, the first thing we buy is midfield talent. We don't need disconnected, demoralised and effectively dismal number-makers. We need people who will turn the game, attack from all positions and see the opportunities. Norwood ... have a look at that ball straight through our cetre which turned Ampadu and put Lacazette in with the move he'd been waiting all fucking game to make. You did it versus Plymouth for Sharp. Why can't you put Brewster through with the same fucking pass? Honestly, he spends all game pissing about pretending he is the Regista ... and just ends up being robbed, played around and simply watching Arsenal negate his position. If he gets the ball, he looks up, there's nothing. He dawdles, looking for the inevitable, readable long pass and suddenly its off his feet or he's pressed backwards. With Lundstram, it's business as usual for this chancer. He arrived as a practically useless replacement for a hole created by Coutts's injury and strove to impress, lucked out and flattered to deceive last year (he even had me fooled) and now is back to where he is and should be. Division One standards of output. And Fleck now just doesn't seem to remember what LCM means. You might as well hang a Blades shirt on a 5'8" free kick dummy. Even when it was blatantly obvious (like, all fucking season, mind ... ) that 5-3-2 isn't working and we went 4-3-1-2 with Osborn doing his level best to make some sort of impact in the Duffy role, the midfield three were still a woeful dollop of peanutty shit. There was just nothing to offer. They continued to do what they'd always fucking done. Receive, get closed down, panic like fuck, fail to turn and move up the pitch, go backwards, back to Ramsdale. We failed to get out of our fucking half for much of the game either in or out of possession and Arsenal just waited for us to fuck up, and we did. First goal, ball watching. Second goal, Lundstram at his best and third goal a mastery lesson in how to put your forward in on goal.
Ramsdale 6/10: Can't give him much more to be honest. He was beaten by three goals, none of which - maybe the second - he could do owt about, but was fucking lucky with that daft driven clearance in the first half. Seen them go in.
Baldock 5/10: He's losing his rag more and more each game. Everything around him is now unfamiliar territory, he can't push up the pitch much these days and everything his going from diarrhoea to blood for him. Wouldn't be surprised to see a transfer request in the close season from him
Ampadu 5.5/10: Had a reyt tussle with Lacazette and picked up a pointless yellow near the end, but I understand his frustration and anger. Never mind. A few games left and he can fuck off back to Chelsea and get loaned out to a football team who gives a fuck
Egan 5/10: Still seemingly finding his feet but some timely interventions and tackles, but was flat footed for Lacazette's first. Ironic that one of our shots on goal was his tame volley.
Stevens 2/10: Fucking rubbish. Error prone and exposed. A real weak link now at LCB
Osborn 6/10: Played really well in comparison to everyone else, but on balance isn't technical or clever enough to play in the top flight. Ran his arse off in the No10 spot, for the sum total of jack shit
Lundstram 0/10: Abject, talentless and way, way out of his depth. That ball for their second summed him up. If you catch him when the opposition score these days in the replays, there isn't a scrap of disappointment or frustration on his Easter Island dish. Can't wait for the statement, 'Released - John Lundstram'. Be fucking interested which daft arsed club, even at Division One level, takes this miscreant on.
Norwood 2/10: Generous marking, I know. We covered endlessly how ineffective Norwood is and I don't intend outlining - again - what a pisspoor player he is and continues to be. After tonight's non-productive showing I'd like to see anyone justify why they reckon he'd be any better next season. He needs to go. We have suffered enough. At least we didn't get that many corners tonight to hammer further near-post-nails into his footballing coffin
Fleck 2/10: Another player with whom we have finished business with. His time is done, and I don't see him imposing next season too.
McGoldrick 5/10: Tried to be involved. Scuffed our only real chance but Xakha was all over him. He seems to be the only person in our team who 'gets football' and is dangerous. But that is stretching reality and belief. IN effect he's not really good enough to compete at this level either, even though he is our top scorer, in reality, if we'd got our shit together he'd be our fourth top scorer by now.
Burke 2/10: Bloody woeful. Fast as fuck, but in my eyes, not even nearly a footballer. I would love to hear Wilder and Knill's reasoning why the swap with WBA for Callum Robinson was so fucking compelling
McBurnie 1/10: No pub-stuff tonight. But the first thing he did was pass to their player. Twenty million.
Brewster 1/10: Hardly got a touch. Yet again. Twenty three million.
Mousset 0/10: What the flying fuck is this bloke doing at the club? Ten million and he spoons a chance round the post by a billion fucking light years. Fuck's sake, fatty. Kozluk or Montgomery would have scored that.
Heckingbottom 0/10: Being driven from remote from Wilder's PS4.
pommpey
Ever used to watch The Harlem Globetrotters on World of Sport? Dickie Davies used to gleefully announce the next ten minutes was watching them do tricks and play round what we believed, as kids, were another professional set of basketball players but really, they were just 'mules', people put there to make the Medowlark and Curly look fucking good. They'd be sold every feint, allow the showmen to dribble dazzlingly past them and the Globetrotters would end most moves with the basketball bouncing off arses, elbows and Curly's cock to be fucking slamdunked each time to the joy of the armrollin', whoopin'-and-a-hollerin', gun-totin', uncle-fuckin' audience. Nowadays they've moved onto the homoerotic vision of WWF bellends rolling about with each other and hitting each other with aluminium stepladders and chairs to quell their lust for violence (and wonder why schools and shopping malls get shot up regularly). But I digress ...
We look like a 'demonstration opposition team'. If we are not making naïve endeavour to play it out from the back like the grown up teams in the PL do (note: Arsenal tried to do this a few weeks ago and were bitten badly) then we are playing like the Globetrotters hapless opponents, simply providing obstacles in the way to play around. Aside from some lukewarm performances, tonight we played exactly like we are going to be - a Championship side. And any detractors or delusionals out there who think that because we are a freshly relegated side and will hence 'do a Norwich/Watford' and wank copiously over next season's opposition and secure promotion by Easter needs to wake the fuck up. Tonight is 'Wilder' writ large and lit up with sparkly beams. This is his team and for large portions we cluelessly played by his system and rules. And Arsenal were all over us, even weakened by injury themselves.
I don't really think we did that badly in defence, as usual. But as ever, the three free-kick dummies in midfield were dreadfully shit, once again. Please ... everyone ... recognise that even next season, we will only progress with these three replaced. Berge will go, and even with the disappointingly low fee we command for his transfer to the subs bench of one of the top six, the first thing we buy is midfield talent. We don't need disconnected, demoralised and effectively dismal number-makers. We need people who will turn the game, attack from all positions and see the opportunities. Norwood ... have a look at that ball straight through our cetre which turned Ampadu and put Lacazette in with the move he'd been waiting all fucking game to make. You did it versus Plymouth for Sharp. Why can't you put Brewster through with the same fucking pass? Honestly, he spends all game pissing about pretending he is the Regista ... and just ends up being robbed, played around and simply watching Arsenal negate his position. If he gets the ball, he looks up, there's nothing. He dawdles, looking for the inevitable, readable long pass and suddenly its off his feet or he's pressed backwards. With Lundstram, it's business as usual for this chancer. He arrived as a practically useless replacement for a hole created by Coutts's injury and strove to impress, lucked out and flattered to deceive last year (he even had me fooled) and now is back to where he is and should be. Division One standards of output. And Fleck now just doesn't seem to remember what LCM means. You might as well hang a Blades shirt on a 5'8" free kick dummy. Even when it was blatantly obvious (like, all fucking season, mind ... ) that 5-3-2 isn't working and we went 4-3-1-2 with Osborn doing his level best to make some sort of impact in the Duffy role, the midfield three were still a woeful dollop of peanutty shit. There was just nothing to offer. They continued to do what they'd always fucking done. Receive, get closed down, panic like fuck, fail to turn and move up the pitch, go backwards, back to Ramsdale. We failed to get out of our fucking half for much of the game either in or out of possession and Arsenal just waited for us to fuck up, and we did. First goal, ball watching. Second goal, Lundstram at his best and third goal a mastery lesson in how to put your forward in on goal.
Ramsdale 6/10: Can't give him much more to be honest. He was beaten by three goals, none of which - maybe the second - he could do owt about, but was fucking lucky with that daft driven clearance in the first half. Seen them go in.
Baldock 5/10: He's losing his rag more and more each game. Everything around him is now unfamiliar territory, he can't push up the pitch much these days and everything his going from diarrhoea to blood for him. Wouldn't be surprised to see a transfer request in the close season from him
Ampadu 5.5/10: Had a reyt tussle with Lacazette and picked up a pointless yellow near the end, but I understand his frustration and anger. Never mind. A few games left and he can fuck off back to Chelsea and get loaned out to a football team who gives a fuck
Egan 5/10: Still seemingly finding his feet but some timely interventions and tackles, but was flat footed for Lacazette's first. Ironic that one of our shots on goal was his tame volley.
Stevens 2/10: Fucking rubbish. Error prone and exposed. A real weak link now at LCB
Osborn 6/10: Played really well in comparison to everyone else, but on balance isn't technical or clever enough to play in the top flight. Ran his arse off in the No10 spot, for the sum total of jack shit
Lundstram 0/10: Abject, talentless and way, way out of his depth. That ball for their second summed him up. If you catch him when the opposition score these days in the replays, there isn't a scrap of disappointment or frustration on his Easter Island dish. Can't wait for the statement, 'Released - John Lundstram'. Be fucking interested which daft arsed club, even at Division One level, takes this miscreant on.
Norwood 2/10: Generous marking, I know. We covered endlessly how ineffective Norwood is and I don't intend outlining - again - what a pisspoor player he is and continues to be. After tonight's non-productive showing I'd like to see anyone justify why they reckon he'd be any better next season. He needs to go. We have suffered enough. At least we didn't get that many corners tonight to hammer further near-post-nails into his footballing coffin
Fleck 2/10: Another player with whom we have finished business with. His time is done, and I don't see him imposing next season too.
McGoldrick 5/10: Tried to be involved. Scuffed our only real chance but Xakha was all over him. He seems to be the only person in our team who 'gets football' and is dangerous. But that is stretching reality and belief. IN effect he's not really good enough to compete at this level either, even though he is our top scorer, in reality, if we'd got our shit together he'd be our fourth top scorer by now.
Burke 2/10: Bloody woeful. Fast as fuck, but in my eyes, not even nearly a footballer. I would love to hear Wilder and Knill's reasoning why the swap with WBA for Callum Robinson was so fucking compelling
McBurnie 1/10: No pub-stuff tonight. But the first thing he did was pass to their player. Twenty million.
Brewster 1/10: Hardly got a touch. Yet again. Twenty three million.
Mousset 0/10: What the flying fuck is this bloke doing at the club? Ten million and he spoons a chance round the post by a billion fucking light years. Fuck's sake, fatty. Kozluk or Montgomery would have scored that.
Heckingbottom 0/10: Being driven from remote from Wilder's PS4.
pommpey
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