Dan Burn & Sam Morsy get in to a taxi

[GreasyChipBeattie]

1. Lowly, it's a feckin Conservative private members club for the wealthy!
2. We don't have 'mates' or 'blokes' just chaps in suits
3. What are you suggesting? Patient abuse?

I'm beginning to question who's the patient here GCB

1. Delusions of grandeur
2. Chaps in suits and frilly knickers I suppose
3. It wouldn't be abuse B56, it would be, errrrr, therapy.

Now stop bothering me, I have to go and sing love songs to my donkey.

 

[Bladebri]

Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local club;

The first fan blamed...: "I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we'd be a great club."

The second fan blamed...: "I blame the players; if they made more effort, I'm sure we would score more goals."

The third fan blamed...: "I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I'd be supporting a decent team."

 

[Large Mendonca]

Paddy goes for a job on a building site.
"Can you drive a dumper truck?" asks the Foreman.
"Aye" says Paddy.
"Can you mash tea?" asks the Foreman.
"How big's the fooking teapot?" replies Paddy.....

 

[Idontlikewednesdays]

What have an elephant and strawberry got in common ?



Neither of them can drive tractors

 

[Idontlikewednesdays]

What has an elephant and a plum got in common ?

They are both purple ........... Except the elephant

 

[ballyblade]

A bloke goes into a Scottish baker's. "How much is that cake?" "A poond." "And how much is that one?" "A poond. All ma cakes are a poond!" "Oh, OK. What about that one?" "Och, that one's two poonds." "Oh. Why's that then?" "That's Madeira cake."

 

[Barney]

A man, his son and a dog walk into a bar.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Woof!"

 

[Barney]

A man, horse, turtle and a chicken play in a band and all go on holiday together. They can't get together so each take separate flights. The man goes and gets on his plane. The man plays the trumpet. He lands safely at the destination. Next up, the horse gets on his plane. The horse plays the drums. The horse lands safely at the destination. Next up, the turtle gets on his plane. The turtle plays the guitar. The turtle lands safely at the destination. Finally, the chicken gets on to his plane. The chicken plays the bass guitar. The chicken lands safely at the destination. Day 1 of the holiday and it's all going well. Music is good and gigs are popular. Day 5 of the holiday and things are still going well. Music is still good and gigs are as popular as ever. Comes to day 10 of the holiday. Everything has gone well, and they start their plane journey home. Once they arrive back, they decide to go out for some drinks to celebrate the successful holiday.

They all walk into a bar, horse goes in first - bar man says "why the long face?"

 

[The Jackdaw]

This is a good thread

 

[DifferentClass]

I miss when we were shit.

 

[Gavlar]

I miss when we were shit.

you dont

 

[Shirty Blade]

Knock Knock
Whose there?
Interrupting Cow
Interrupting Cow W............
MOOOOOOOO!

 

[TomHeffernan]

I once put diesel in an escort.

She died

 

[Bugboyblade]

Two monkeys in a bath. One says"oow haha oww haha" the other says if it's that hot put some more cold in!