Dan Burn & Sam Morsy get in to a taxi

[PokerBlade]

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. The bartender gives her one.

 

[BushBlade]

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself they're enjoying it.

 

[Russ]

Customer walks into Chinese takeaway. Shouts to the man behind the counter - "Hey you..."

Man behind counter replies - How you know my name...?

 

[Teddy]

My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart

You went no further than the joke of the fringe in search of that!

Two nuns walking through an alley. Two men jump them and have their wicked way with them. The first nun shouts "forgive them, for they know not what they do", the second nun says "speak for yourself, mine does"

 

[TONY_TONY_AGANA]

Knock Knock
Who is there?
It's Kevin McCabe, I'll give you £50k for Sam Morsy
No, go away you silly old man

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

You went no further than the joke of the fringe in search of that!

Two nuns walking through an alley. Two men jump them and have their wicked way with them. The first nun shouts "forgive them, for they know not what they do", the second nun says "speak for yourself, mine does"

 

[TonyAgana]

I thought the correct answer was "It's in the soap dish".

Bernard Righton!

 

[Kabba Kabba Doo]

Man walks into a bar..........Ouch

 

[Keen Blade]

Man walks into a bar..........Ouch

It was an iron bar !
Tommy Cooper , what a guy.

 

[Billyblade]

Bernard Righton!

A Jew, a Chinese fella and an Irishman are in a bar.
What a wonderful example of an integrated society

 

[Billyblade]

I don't understand any of these jokes. Must be because i'm young

You need to change your user name to nlmaabob then

 

[Kabba Kabba Doo]

It was an iron bar !
Tommy Cooper , what a guy.

If it had been George Long he'd have got near it then dropped a ball underneath it!

 

[Blade56]

What Grey and comes in pints?

An Elephant

What's grey and hang off a satellite dish?

A council house
Fnarr, Fnarr.
Me and the chaps down the club love that one.

Why? Don't young people have a sense of humour?!

I,don't know, why don't young people,have a sense of humour?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a bear with no ears? a 'B'

What do you call a dear with no eyes? No eye dear

What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye dear

What do you call a dear with no eyes, no legs and no nuts? Still no f***in eye idea

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh





Remind me, why are we doing corny jokes on a thread about signing Morsy/Burne? Ow yeh, corny joke got it

 

[INTERUNITED]

[QUOTE="Blade56, post: 1092129, member: 13199]
Me and the chaps down the club love that one[/QUOTE]

Not a comedy club obviously!!

 

[grafikhaus]

What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of a major football tournament?

The referee.

 

[Torrix1889]

How-Hi is a China man?

Me to our Cat..."did you know you can talk"
The cat...."mi-ow"

 

[Torrix1889]

Why has Edward Woodward got 4 "d's" in his name?

Because if he hadn't he would be called Ewar Woowar



(for the young uns he was an actor in an 80's tv programme called The Equaliser)

 

[wizadry]

A woman sees her dog struggling in the sea and this German walking along the beach notices her cry for help and jumps in to rescue the dog, he puts the dog on to the beach after carrying it on his shoulder.

The woman says 'thank you, thank you, you're not a vet by any chance', he says 'vet....vet.....I'm fucking soaking'.

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

What's grey and hang off a satellite dish?

A council house
Fnarr, Fnarr.
Me and the chaps down the club love that one.

And so, we have presented here, yet another disturbing side to the persona, breaching the hypocrisy scale of disorders.
An inner repugnance of the lower working class demonstrated by the telling of demeaning 'jokes', quickly followed by an instant, almost desperate need to avail your readers of your own lowly, local-club-frequenting social status.
This again bears out the frustration of the stepping-stone misery that has manifested in the failure to reach your potential.
"Me and the chaps, me and the chaps" I can almost hear your inner self shouting this as you typed. "Show them you have friends"
Don't wait until the solstice my friend.
Go now and recover what's left of your potential.
Throw caution to the wind and banish the negativity once and for all.
Stride proudly through those waters and then, in an act of defiance, take off those frilly trunks and throw them as far away from you as possible.
Go on, you can do it B56.....I'll be right behind you!

 

[Blade56]

.....
1. need to avail your readers of your own lowly, local-club-frequenting social club


2. "Me and the chaps, me and the chaps"

3. take off those frilly trunks .....I'll be right behind you!

1. Lowly, it's a feckin Conservative private members club for the wealthy!
2. We don't have 'mates' or 'blokes' just chaps in suits
3. What are you suggesting? Patient abuse?

I'm beginning to question who's the patient here GCB

 

[Sean Thornton]

Why has Edward Woodward got 4 "d's" in his name?

Because if he hadn't he would be called Ewar Woowar




(for the young uns he was an actor in an 80's tv programme called The Equaliser)

If you have to explain it.....

 

[Sean Thornton]

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.


Two Irishmen walking down the street and one picks up a mirror.

What you found says his mate.

A photo. He looks familiar but I can't place him.

The other takes it and says, it's me yer daft bastard.



Two monkeys in a bath. One goes oooooh oooooh ooooh oooooh, other monkey says, put some cold in.

 

[Kendal]

It is a Corny Joke thread

Here's one

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because it wants to get to the other side

Why does everyone forget the actual punchline on that joke?
Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because he was nailed to the chicken.


What's yellow & smells of red paint?
Yellow Paint

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man

What's brown & Sticky?
A stick

Having children does this to you you know! Gibber

 

[Fraggle Blade]

It depends, was the taxi in Sheffield going away or traveling to Sheffield cause I'm tellin what if they were sharing the fare would be massive between Wigan and Fulham then on to Sheffield.

Why would they need to go to Fulham?

 

[Silent Blade]

Man to bar orders "Mother in law please"
Barman "What?"
Man "Sorry I mean Stout and Bitter"

 

[JOEYDEE]

52

5
A soldier ran up to a Nun. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later."

The nun accepted his request.

A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied: "He went that way."

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said: "I understand completely".

The soldier added: "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of ballsI don't want to go to Iraq either.

 

[JOEYDEE]

Young blonde knocks on a guy's door . " Got any odd jobs you want doing ? " she asks the guy.

" Yeah, I have actually - I want the porch painting out back - two coats of white gloss- paint and brushes are already out there. I'll give you 20 dollars "

Half an hour later blondie knocks on door again. " All done " she beams.

" Wow, that was quick " says the guy .

" Oh yeah, I'm a real hard worker . - Oh, and by the way, it's not a porche - it's a ferrari

 

[Keef Chedwyn]

Why is it that nuns always always want to shove something up their fanny in jokes?

 

[tallyblade]

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexics Association

 

[Sean Thornton]

Why is it that nuns always always want to shove something up their fanny in jokes?

This threads for corny jokes not that left wing Eltonesque observational shite.