‘Facts’ about Iliman Ndiaye

[Katzenjammer]

Although Iliman Ndiaye insists he feels settled in England, he had cited the considerable decrease in size of the Cadbury's Twirl over the years as major reason why he sees his future abroad.

"I don't know whether it's the current recession, a sign of late-stage capitalism or just pure nanny-statism, but the shrinking of the Twirl and of British confectionary more generally is just bullshit mate. If I wanted tiny chocolate I'd buy a box of fucking Celebrations".

 

[Champagneblade]

When Iliman N’Diaye does push ups in training, he actually pushes the earth down!

 

[Katzenjammer]

Ndiaye's first handshake goal celebration with Morgan Gibbs-White against Peterborough was actually a gesture of reconciliation after the two had a furious altercation at Luton Town away the previous week over the cause of the Athenians' disastrous invasion of Sicily during the Peloponnesian War of 431-404 BC.

Ndiaye maintained that Athens' arrogant overestimation of its own strength meant that the campaign was always doomed to failure against the combined forces of Sparta and Syracuse, whilst MGW argued that the preparations for the invasion were foundationally sound and attributed the defeat to major tactical and strategic errors on the part of their navy.

This precipitated a dressing room bust-up after Ndiaye declared that Pericles was a "bellend" and a furious MGW had to be pulled away by several teammates.

 

[SwissBlade]

The atomic clock asks Iliman NDiaye for the time

 

[Champagneblade]

Ever since he met Iliman, Jose refers to himself as the Special Two.

 

[Davalon]

knowsnowt had a sex change and converted to Islam in order to match with Ili on dating app French African Fast Fuckers

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

N'Diaye actually has a South Shields accent. When asked if he's feeling unwell, he responds:

"Ill, aye, man."

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

As a lifelong Blade, N'Diaye modelled his game on the best attributes of his favourite United players growing up:

The agility and movement of Tommy Mooney
The body strength of Andy Parkinson
The tracking back of Michael Higdon
and the finishing of Laurens Ten Heuvel.

 

[Guesty]

Iv just been watching Jesus dancing round defenders for arsenal's first goal yesterday and thought the bang same. Very similar movements

Jesus' run looked exactly like that one from Ndiaye's youth game that got posted on Saturday, from the way he pulled it down to the "fuck you, you're not getting it off me" belligerence.

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

Lots of people thought the ref carded Illy for his goal celebration on Saturday.
He was actually just holding up his yellow cased phone, for another pic to put in his Iliman scrapbook

 

[Tony_Kaufman]

As a child Iliman Ndiaye had a Lego model of Rome, which he built in a day.

 

[Tony_Kaufman]

Iliman Ndiaye made Mr T pity himself.

 

[Tony_Kaufman]

As a lifelong Blade, N'Diaye modelled his game on the best attributes of his favourite United players growing up:

The agility and movement of Tommy Mooney
The body strength of Andy Parkinson
The tracking back of Michael Higdon
and the finishing of Laurens Ten Heuvel.

.... and the daylight robbery skills of Ashley Sestanovich.

 

[Katzenjammer]

Iliman Ndiaye's somewhat controversial views on boardgames have landed him in hot water in the past.

Two years ago, his assertion that chess was just "draughts for wankers" sparked outrage and death threats in his native France and was pivotal to his decision to move to England.

 

[Isaw Joeshaw]

He has two brothers , both with weird names .


One’s called Withnail and the other King ....

 

[nopigfansintown]

"I done wrestled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale; handcuffed lightning, thrown thunder in jail; only last week, I murdered a rock, injured a stone, hospitalized a brick; I'm so mean I make medicine sick."

 

[Blade for Sale]

Iliman Ndiaye once took 3000 to QPR.

 

[Gimli]

Ndiaye took the one ring to Mordor, dribbling round a few orcs on the way then kicked a lovely curling effort into the top corner of mount doom, thus saving middle earth from the eternal wrath of Sauron.

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

Iliman Ndiaye's somewhat controversial views on boardgames have landed him in hot water in the past.

Two years ago, his assertion that chess was just "draughts for wankers" sparked outrage and death threats in his native France and was pivotal to his decision to move to England.

He also said baguettes and French fries were just Chip Butties for wankers, and snails should only be served with Hendo's.
He can never return to that country.

 

[Sheff de party]

The rains down in Africa miss Iliman Ndiaye.

 

[Big Hitter]

He's a walking anagram.

 

[Blade56]

Illiman Ndiaye’s parents are dyslexic, he was supposed to be called Albert Robinson

 

[stringjunior]

Some people believe that tides are caused by the movement of the moon around the earth. However if you follow the heat map of Illiman N'Diaye against Blackburn you'll see the tides changed according to his movements.

 

[SwissBlade]

Iliman N’Diaye has no carbon footprint

 

[stringjunior]

Illiman N'Diaye can walk the rice paper and make no sound.

 

[Scarebus]

Illiman Ndiaye is the 8th wonder of the world.

 

[Katzenjammer]

Iliman Ndiaye can eat one Pringle and put the tube back in the cupboard.

In 2021, this cost parent company Kelloggs millions in advertising revenue.

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

Even though not allowed , the prophet Muhammad has an Illy poster on his bedroom wall.

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

Iliman Ndiaye has never visited Burma.

Due to his immeasurable speed he has visited all countries and no countries simultaneously.

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

Illiman N'Diaye knows the official name for them little divider things you put between your shopping at the checkout.