Clappers Application form

[shorehamview]

If you don't consider yourself a member of thsw Sunshine Band then you are by their definition a "clapper". Here's the application form.



1. Do you like football?
2. Do you find that while Sheffield United aren't as succesful as Real Madrid it's not the end of the world?
3. Can you take defeat without a full-on nervous breakdown?
4. Have you a sense of humour?
5. Are you happy in general?
6. Do you smile more than once a month?
7. Do you find badly-stirred Bovril an affront to public decency?



If you have answered "yes" all to the above then you're in. If you've answere "no" to the odd one then you might be in, it's not the end of the world. If you've answered "no" to all of them you might want to give either Ollesendro, Micalijo or the Samaritans a call.

Or just throw yourself off a cliff, or shoot the dog, or be grumpy on the interweb.

 

[Oreyt]

3. No, every time we lose a little piece of me dies :'(

 

[SwissBlade]

If you don't consider yourself a member of thsw Sunshine Band then you are by their definition a "clapper". Here's the application form.



1. Do you like football?
2. Do you find that while Sheffield United aren't as succesful as Real Madrid it's not the end of the world?
3. Can you take defeat without a full-on nervous breakdown?
4. Have you a sense of humour?
5. Are you happy in general?
6. Do you smile more than once a month?
7. Do you find badly-stirred Bovril an affront to public decency?



If you have answered "yes" all to the above then you're in. If you've answere "no" to the odd one then you might be in, it's not the end of the world. If you've answered "no" to all of them you might want to give either Ollesendro, Micalijo or the Samaritans a call.

Or just throw yourself off a cliff, or shoot the dog, or be grumpy on the interweb.

I think you can get a copy of these forms at the GU clinic

 

[Ted Danson]

I'll answer yes to all of them but Im abit of a bovril connesuer. Id of thought a true clapper wouldnt care about the badly stirred Bovril

 

[beechblade]

Yes to all.

 

[Oreyt]

Just a quick question: am I alone in prefering Bovril-on-toast to Bovril-in-hot-water?

 

[derrywan]

Just a quick question: am I alone in prefering Bovril-on-toast to Bovril-in-hot-water?

I do hope so. Pervert.

 

[Oreyt]

I do hope so. Pervert.

Some are so picky about where other people stick their melted cow

 

[dingledog]

It's a tough one really. I myself would say yes to the all, however my wife would say no to them all on my behalf maybe I should just sit on the fence, or the middle of the pitch? Is it not possible to have the application form as a seperate word document so I can get an expert opinion from my therapist?

 

[2ndtenorblade]

Just a quick question: am I alone in prefering Bovril-on-toast to Bovril-in-hot-water?

Bovril on toast sounds worth a try, i'll do that next time I'm not having breakfast with girlfriend, don't see her liking the idea but i'll mention it just to see the reaction.

 

[Oreyt]

Bovril on toast sounds worth a try, i'll do that next time I'm not having breakfast with girlfriend, don't see her liking the idea but i'll mention it just to see the reaction.

It's decent minimal effort hangover food.

 

[derrywan]

Some are so picky about where other people stick their melted cow

I'd allow a cow-pop, jellied beef on a stick style snack, but Bovril on toast calls marmite to mind and that is from the devil's own hole.

 

[Torrix1889]

3. No, every time we lose a little piece of me dies :'(

That's realism, he's ours, get off him you clapper bastards!

 

[happyhippy]

I'd allow a cow-pop, jellied beef on a stick style snack, but Bovril on toast calls marmite to mind and that is from the devil's own hole.

Heathen! The cheddar and marmite sandwich is a work of culinary genius!

 

[Cool Clint]

If you have answered "yes" all to the above then you're in. If you've answere "no" to the odd one then you might be in, it's not the end of the world. If you've answered "no" to all of them you might want to give either Ollesendro, Micalijo or the Samaritans a call.

I'm curious, what happened to Lenners and Fiery, was it too late for them to phone the Samaritans?

 

[Ollessendro]

If you don't consider yourself a member of thsw Sunshine Band then you are by their definition a "clapper". Here's the application form.



1. Do you like football?
2. Do you find that while Sheffield United aren't as succesful as Real Madrid it's not the end of the world?
3. Can you take defeat without a full-on nervous breakdown?
4. Have you a sense of humour?
5. Are you happy in general?
6. Do you smile more than once a month?
7. Do you find badly-stirred Bovril an affront to public decency?



If you have answered "yes" all to the above then you're in. If you've answere "no" to the odd one then you might be in, it's not the end of the world. If you've answered "no" to all of them you might want to give either Ollesendro, Micalijo or the Samaritans a call.

Or just throw yourself off a cliff, or shoot the dog, or be grumpy on the interweb.

top marks for originality SV

I see you've managed to recreate my thread, just without any the humour or wit. Bravo!?

 

[SwissBlade]

top marks for originality SV

I see you've managed to recreate my thread, just without any the humour or wit. Bravo!?

But the spelling is much improved on yours Olle

 

[shorehamview]

top marks for originality SV

I see you've managed to recreate my thread, just without any the humour or wit. Bravo!?

Who gives a rat's cock about originality when you can rip off crap jokes? After all, those dickheads on "Mock the Week" just get their material off Sickipedia, leaving out the funniest ones. I tried to shoehorn some of your material in, but when I filtered out the stuff that wasn't really funny I was left with this.....

.

There was a severe dearth of humour and wit to start with, so no wit or humour in mine was be in keeping with the spirit of the original. Still, in my wanky thread there have been more humorous replies than in many of the posts in the past few days, so at least it's a start.

Bravo? Bra-fucking-vissimo!

 

[shorehamview]

I'm curious, what happened to Lenners and Fiery, was it too late for them to phone the Samaritans?

Lenners will be too busy sticking pins in his McCabe voodoo doll. Not sure about Fiery, he's obviously not grumpy enough.

 

[Mousey]

Is anybody else watching these threads and picturing Donkey and Shrek?

One is a happy optimist and the other is a miserable ogre.

 

[shorehamview]

Is anybody else watching these threads and picturing Donkey and Shrek?

One is a happy optomist and the other is a miserable ogre.

Optimist, you illiterate peasant.

Anyway, I'd go more for Charlie Bucket and Verruca Salt.

 

[raul]

Still, in my wanky thread there have been more humorous replies than in many of the posts in the past few days, so at least it's a start.

So, are you going to be joining in or what?

 

[dingledog]

Optimist, you illiterate peasant.

Anyway, I'd go more for Charlie Bucket and Verruca Salt.

When did they play for us, and what position, was it a double signing within the transfer window or just a loan? Speaking of loans can you lend me some money so I can join the sunshine...... brigade sat outside the pub?

 

[Ollessendro]

Optimist, you illiterate peasant.

Anyway, I'd go more for Charlie Bucket and Verruca Salt.

first funny thing you've said.

.......... when I filtered out the stuff that wasn't really funny I was left with this.....

There was a severe dearth of humour and wit to start with, so no wit or humour in mine was be in keeping with the spirit of the original.

here are a few quotes from the original thread to suggest otherwise

Now that is funny!!!!!

..... I had a good chuckle at that......

Haha! Very good

Very good Olle! Funny read...

excellent stuff sir

 

[Mousey]

Can we have a clapper anthem?

Bare Necessities from The Jungle Book would be good.

Or possibly even Always Look on The Bright Side of Life. Or is that too obvious?

 

[Jon Bon]

Or possibly even Always Look on The Bright Side of Life. Or is that too obvious?

Played that almost non-stop for a week when the pigs got relegated. Don't know why, it just seemed a perfect accompaniment to the piss taking.

 

[shorehamview]

first funny thing you've said.



here are a few quotes from the original thread to suggest otherwise

You've copied and pasted all those replies just to prove that there are more than three people who found it funny. Well done. I bet the long dark winter nights just hurtle by.

I could have looked to find the people who said it was funny, I just couldn't be arsed, frankly. I thought it was humourous actually, but also reasoned that if you were going to slag my attempt at a little levity off then yours was fair game too. Still, never mind. We've not lost a game of football for nearly a fortnight now, that's enough to keep you awake at night instead of worrying about plagiarism.

 

[Jon Bon]

If you don't consider yourself a member of the Sunshine Band then you are by their definition a "clapper".

Actually I don't consider myself either. I am a fully charged member of the Surrealist Movement but there's no application form to join, just breathe. A paradox.

 

[bricktop]

I'm Brownie and the sunshine gang was all my idea, but its been done to fucking death and i wish i had never thought of humourously giving the more paranoid individuals the nickname of Sunshine Gang.

 

[derrywan]

Dear dear. I've met both SV and Olle and they're both super smashing great lads. I'm like the board Jesus, loving all of you equally, apart from those who could do with a good smite.