Friday Fun - Non-footballing Blades XI

[Linz]

If you could pick eleven non-fictional people either living or dead to turn out in Blades colours, who would you choose?

Obviously, they shouldn't be current or ex-professional footballers (that's cheating).

I'm going to have to have a think.

I have to weight up if the benefits of having Hitler in the net (i.e. the opposition would be aiming at him rather than the rest of the goal) outweigh the negatives (it'd be Hitler in a United shirt!)

What would your non-footballing XI be?

 

[Jostein Flo]

Immediately thought of the brilliant Germanany -v- Greece Philosophers football match from Monty Python.

"And the Germans are disputing the Greek goal. Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside."

Usain Bolt down the right wing would be a good choice, although getting him to stop in time to cross the ball may be tricky....

 

[Linz]

Decided against Hitler in the net and gone for Clint Eastwood in his Where Eagles Dare prime.

His ability to stare down penalty takers would be a massive bonus.

 

[JJ Sefton]

Rachel Stevens for no other reason than that I could perv at her for 90 minutes.

 

[LouTheBlade]

GK: Chris Eubank
RB: Harrison Ford
CB: Clint Eastwood
CB: Eddie Murphy
LB: Tubes
RM: Lance Armstrong
CM: Michael Palin
CM: Sean Bean (C)
LM: Usain Bolt
ST: Lee Evans
ST: Hulk Hogan

I would go for the above with a standard attacking 4-4-2 formation. Firstly, Chris Eubank in goal, with good posture and a familiarity with wearing gloves. Clint Eastwood would be the heart of the back four with his hard man image and enormous stature. He needs someone with a good sense of humour alongside him to balance it out so I’m going with Eddie Murphy, who can also play the hard man when called upon. The full back positions will be occupied by Harrison Ford, who can squeeze out of tight situations with many obstacles; and Tubes from Soccer AM as someone needs to be the supporter’s whipping post. Left back is the prime position for that job.

The centre of the midfield has to be occupied by two Blades. Michael Palin will add more morale boosting humour to the team but will also provide the creativity. Sean Bean, as captain will play alongside him to add some steel to the midfield. I’ve gone for Lance Armstrong the right flank for fitness as he will bomb up and down all day. Usain Bolt will provide blistering pace on the left.

I would go for Lee Evans as the goal scoring forward as his vast array of unnecessary movement whilst performing is likely to confuse the opposition defence, leaving gaps for others to exploit. He will need someone large and uncompromising alongside him, with an ability to win the ball in the air. For that reason I am going for Hulk Hogan.

 

[Darren]

Slight twist. A blades XI famous in another life:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
?
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
?
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

 

[JJ Sefton]

Slight twist. A blades XI famous in another life:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
?
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
?
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

Mark Morriss (lead singer of The Bluetones) at centre half?

 

[Darren]

Mark Morriss (lead singer of The Bluetones) at centre half?

Never heard of them, but I'll let you have it:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
?Mark Morris (leasd singer of the Bluetones)
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
?
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

 

[Jostein Flo]

Slight twist. A blades XI famous in another life:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
?
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
?
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

David Kelly - Hutton Report WMD expert

 

[Darren]

David Kelly - Hutton Report WMD expert

Too many forwards - but I can add Mark Todd - who is both Labour MP for South Derbyshire and champion show jumper

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
Mark Morris (Obscure pop group member)
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
Mark Todd (showjumping MP)
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

 

[Grecian2000]

Going back to the original I'm going for a creative/artistic midfield pairing of L Da Vinci and W Shakespeare.

I like my wingers to stay wide so we've got M Thatcher on the right (and we Blades always love to hate one of our own so who better . . . ?) and A Benn on the left. There'll be none of that changing wings nonesense either.

Up front I'm going for a strike partnership of A Scargill and D Robinson.

Onto the second team of Dazzlers. Paul Smith (designer) could make a claim.
And a point of order. Duggie Brown maybe a "crap comedian" but "our" Duggie has claims to be a far worse footballer.

 

[Darren]

Going back to the original I'm going for a creative/artistic midfield pairing of L Da Vinci and W Shakespeare.

I like my wingers to stay wide so we've got M Thatcher on the right (and we Blades always love to hate one of our own so who better . . . ?) and A Benn on the left. There'll be none of that changing wings nonesense either.

Up front I'm going for a strike partnership of A Scargill and D Robinson.

Onto the second team of Dazzlers. Paul Smith (designer) could make a claim.
And a point of order. Duggie Brown maybe a "crap comedian" but "our" Duggie has claims to be a far worse footballer.

Paul Smith is a good call to fill the right side of midfield:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
Mark Morris (Obscure pop group member)
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

Paul Smith (poncey fashion designer)
?
Mark Todd (showjumping MP)
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

 

[JohnDenver]

GK: Monsieur Creosote

RB: Drizella (original ugly sister)
CB: Michael Caine (Rourke's Drift)
CB: Paul Collingwood (dropping anchor)
LB: Darren (lefty in defence...)

RW: Franco (cowardly right winger to replace Cotts)
CM (captain): Jimmy Stewart (leader of men)
CM: Nick Montgomery (I'm told he doesn't count as a footballer )
LW: Karl Marx (obviously)

CF: Brian Blessed (chaaaarge!!)
CF: Ron Jeremy (good finisher)

 

[Revolution]

Another two for you Darren:

Peter Boyle played at the back for us in the 1901 cup final and came back from the dead to carve out a decent acting career, notably in US sitcom "Everyboby Loves Raymond".

and Gary Ablett is a very famous ex Australian Rules player (well, famous down there) as well as a former Blade.

 

[spadge]

gk jonny wilkinson - knows all about kicking the ball high in a straight line down field should fit in well.
RB and LB george michael and elton john - if any one goes past them a quick wink n feel theyll soon stop
CB's Charles Bronson and and charles manson - F***ing nutters
R+LM frankie dettori and willy carson - midgets and should be fast little buggers
CM David Dickinson and Gordon Brown Boring f***ers hopefully other team will fall asleep
CF Usain Bolt and pudzinowski - the world strongest man and mma fighter i woudnt want to take the ball off him and loads of speed from bolt

 

[JJ Sefton]

Surely we have to find room for Oliver Skeetes?

 

[JJ Sefton]

Paul Smith is a good call to fill the right side of midfield:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
Mark Morris (Obscure pop group member)
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

Paul Smith (poncey fashion designer)
?
Mark Todd (showjumping MP)
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).

Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

Brian Richardson... http://www.leeds.ac.uk/italian/staff/brian_richardson.htm

 

[mickle-blade]

1. Max Weinberg - Always dependable
2. Gary Tallent - Never misses and perfect timing
3. Charlie Giorgioli - A newcommer but dependable
4. Danny Frederici - RIP- Utility man - covering several positions
5. 'Big Man' Clarence Clemons
6. Suzie Tyrell - Hard to leave her out. Like John Gannon- most of the work goes unoticed
7. Nils Lofgren-A magician in midfield
8. Roy Bittan- The Professor, Skill and improvisation
9. Steve Van Zandt - Picking up the feeds from Bruce
10. Bruce Spingsteen - Sheer brilliance and artistry in midfield
11. Patty 'Springsteen - Got to have one gingernut in the team who is really only making up the numbers

Manager; John Landau

 

[Mousey]

GK: Shane Warne (your keeper needs to be a potentially fatty, it's like a law)

RB: Napoleon Bonaparte (standard SUFC short right back)
CB: Hermann Goering (to confuse any oncoming attackers with his clothing selection)
CB: Robert Patrick (Baddy from Terminator 2, you need speed and strength at the back)
LB: William Wallace (standard SUFC Scottish left back)

RW: Jenna Jameson (I have seen her take on 3/4 men at a time, just what you need in a winger)
CM: (c) Julius Ceasar (we need a leader who every body will get behind)
CM: Winston Churchill (purely so he can rod the crowd and get away with it when we win)
LW: John McEnroe (would make for good entertainment when the ball wasn't out of play)

ST: Chuck Norris (who the fuck is Billy Whitehurst?)
ST: Jose Mourihno (he would fucking charm that ball in to the net)

 

[JJ Sefton]

CM: (c) Julius Ceasar (we need a leader who every body will get behind)

Brutus, Casca and the rest would have their sandals off in the Cherry Street car park before you could say "et tu".

 

[Linz]

You were going well until...

ST: Jose Mourihno (he would fucking charm that ball in to the net)

... he was signed on a professional contract in his youth (and was actually a defender)

You need another striker Mouse

 

[Elsecar_Blade]

You'd have to have Will and Dan O'Flynn up front. They're good at getting things in the net!

http://www.britishcarpchamps.co.uk/bcac2009ws/fame.html

 

[Mousey]

You were going well until...



... he was signed on a professional contract in his youth (and was actually a defender)

You need another striker Mouse

Fine!

ST: Jared Fogle (Super Sub )

 

[keenzy]

GK: Stretch Armstrong - No fecker scoring past long arms

RB: Spartan Warrior - Managed to hold off the million army with just 300, He can handle 11 on his own.
LB: Dr. Raymond Stantz - He ain't afraid of no ghost... no winger going to frighten him then!
CB:John Casey - Chuck Norris eat your heart out.
CB:Leonardo (TMNT) - Solid as a rock.... Or shell

LM: Xenomorph - Fast as fook and got the advantage of a big noggin to win headers.
RM:Indiana Jones - The guy can WHIP the balls in from the wing
CM: (Captain) Darth Vader - Not got the legs, but the mind power to move the ball for him.
CM: Papa Lazarou - Just like John Terry, He puts the opposition off their game making them ponder if their wifes are safe.

F: Elvis - He's The King, Nuff said.
F: Godzilla - We might finally have found a striker to latch onto our balls up front!!

 

[BornOnShorehamStreet]

What a cracking thread!

I started thinking about this morning and then work took over so sorry about the occasional bit of repetition but I wasn't going to start again!

GK...Johnny Wiesmuller – his ability to swing around the woodwork would be invaluable
LB... John Locke – Come on, this man is the Smoke Monster, can walk whilst paralysed, and lives when dead – no winger could get past this guy
CD... Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – well, we had one before, why not another one?
CD... Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson (Captain) – A gifted tactical commander and if he had lived, the Confederates may have won the American Civil War. I’ve included him for the “excuse factor” he brings to the team
RB... Anna Walker – eye-candy for some and by Heaven this team needs some! If there were any embarassing moments, John Locke would cover for her.

LW... Maximilien Robespiere – arguably the father of all left-wingers
CM... Charlie Chaplin – with those feet in those boots, can you just imagine how easy it would to take the ball from his opponent and with that swinging cane, can you imagine the swerve he could put on a through ball or free kick? Plus he’d make us laugh on a bad day!
CM... Sean Bean – who else could we put into the heart of the midfield? He would be the Sharpe bit of steel we need there.
RW... Margaret Thatcher – Name a more accomplished person to fulfil the role.

CF... Derek “Red Robbo” Robinson – arguably the most consistent and prolific striker of all time
CF... Oliver Cromwell – with his round head you can just imagine the bullet headers...

Manager... Michael “Golden Gordon Ottershaw” Palin – What a leader he would be and a Blade to boot

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

According to the little cartoons on here, we've already signed Karl Marx!

 

[Pinchy]

GK: Monsieur Creosote

RB: Drizella (original ugly sister)
CB: Michael Caine (Rourke's Drift)
CB: Paul Collingwood (dropping anchor)
LB: Darren (lefty in defence...)

RW: Franco (cowardly right winger to replace Cotts)
CM (captain): Jimmy Stewart (leader of men)
CM: Nick Montgomery (I'm told he doesn't count as a footballer )
LW: Karl Marx (obviously)

CF: Brian Blessed (chaaaarge!!)
CF: Ron Jeremy (good finisher)

Jeremy is past it. Last time I saw him play the opposing team had him licked within 5 minutes. He was reduced to aimless Quinn-like flicks and hopeful shots from distance. By half-time the other team had completely turned him over.

We need a young gun up front.

 

[PeterNdlovu081]

RB: Napoleon Bonaparte (standard SUFC short right back)

It's a myth that Napoleon was short. He was actually slightly above average height for the time that he lived in.

 

[Mousey]

It's a myth that Napoleon was short. He was actually slightly above average height for the time that he lived in.

It's also a myth that Emile Heskey is an England player but he keeps fucking turning up!

 

[GoldCoast Blade]

Slight twist. A blades XI famous in another life:

Jim (James) Brown - granddaddy of soul

?
?
?
Bernard Shaw (Playwright and socialist)

?
?
?
Andy Gray (slighly out of position- Sky pundit and much better player than our one).



Duggie Brown (crap comedian)
Mick Jones (Clash guitarist)

Ned Kelly as sub goalie. (only a nickname so only a sub)