Funny things you've overheard in the stands

[true99blade]

Whilst 1-2 down against Wigan and Wet Sham we're leading at Old Trafford someone spread that Rooney had also missed a penalty. In fact that's not funny that's just sick.

 

[HighfieldBlade]

Pre-match warmup before a winter evening game:
Why's Littlejohn wearing tights under his shorts?!
-Littlehjohn? Longjohns, more like!

 

[Paisley Blade]

In the family stand a row behind me there's a short bald middle aged pig that's been coming since November 2018 that never shuts up about his kid in the academy or about what him and his missus did last Tuesday teatime while also mentioning what the atmosphere was like last time he was at Hillsborough with his old man. To top it all off however, is his constant abuse of players most noticeably his abuse towards McGoldrick: "lazy", "not good enough", "get him off" as well as a slight remark to him looking "like a terrorist". Hogan, Norwood and Deano were the others he liked to hurl abuse at also. I hope to all that is holy that he isn't there next season.

If he repeats at least one of those comments( you know the one I mean) please don't indulge him, report him.

 

[S40BLADE]

If he repeats at least one of those comments( you know the one I mean) please don't indulge him, report him.

Oh I'll make sure of it.

 

[mattbianco1]

Not my story but a kid I used to work with was a Kiddy Harriers fan. He went to a game and they won a pen. Their striker at the time (I should say black but I won't for fear of being racist and generalising of black people and the size of their manhoods)... Anyway, I digress. Their striker at the time, let's call him Bobby, steps up to take the pen.
Apparently a voice from the crowd above all others shouts - "Bobby, hit it with your cock!!!"

 

[PTBlade]

Me back in the 70's...
Aimed at Malcolm McDonald ..." McDonald you Scottish TWAT!!"..
Bloke next to me.... "He's English son ... Button it"

 

[AdamSufc1997]

Bloke behind saying Dean Hammond is quality when he first signed

 

[Oreyt]

I know someone on here who might enjoy this.....

Pre season friendly in 2006 at St Alban's.

Their keeper was a proper chatty type. Nice bloke. Wished us all the best for the Prem season under Wolin Canker.

But halfway through the second half, Prince Nicholas of Montague lines up a shot, scuffs his toe, ball bobbles at about 2 miles an hour and keeper collects it. He hoofs it back into play and then turns to us and says...

"I know I'm a lower league keeper......but FACKIN 'ell......he's shit...."

 

[Bannerman]

Me back in the 70's...
Aimed at Malcolm McDonald ..." McDonald you Scottish TWAT!!"..
Bloke next to me.... "He's English son ... Button it"

When Gordan Lee was manager of Newcastle United and Malcolm McDonald was playing for them he informed McDonald in the dressing room with the other players present that he'd put in a good word with the Scottish FA about him and he may well be getting a call from them.

McDonald pointed out that he was English to which Lee said " Well with a name like McDonald you should be playing for Scotland ". At which one of the other players said " Why? You never played for China. "

Well I thought it was funny anyway.

 

[oldblade]

In the fourth division at Northampton. We were 1-0 down and playing badly. It was a pretty cold evening (by todays standards positively arctic). The venue wasn't the best, but in those days I suppose very few were! After some poor unfortunate lost possession the bloke in front of me shouted out "For f***s sake send on Boycott!"

 

[Jim Chimmerney]

Here's three that spring to mind;

Away to Barnsley on a freezing cold Tuesday night, just after half time a young lad walked past the Blades fans with a tray of food. As he'd got further down the side of the ground someone shouted 'Oi mate, got any pies left ?', the poor kid trudged all the way back down the side of the ground, obviously wishing he was back inside in the warm and as soon as he got close to the bloke he shouted 'Tha shouldn'tve med so many then', the look on the kid's face was priceless

Gillingham at home, bloke behind me stood up and started singing 'You're just a shit town in....... (turns to mate), where the f*ck's Gillingham ?'

Our 1st trip to Fleetwood (this is one for the slightly older generation), their keeper was just about to take a goal kick in front of us when someone shouted 'Oi Maxwell.....your coffee's shit'.

 

[benn5712]

In the fourth division at Northampton. We were 1-0 down and playing badly. It was a pretty cold evening (by todays standards positively arctic). The venue wasn't the best, but in those days I suppose very few were! After some poor unfortunate lost possession the bloke in front of me shouted out "For f***s sake send on Boycott!"

It was such an un -enthralling game, a copper was throwing sticks for his dog on the cricket pitch.

 

[RossoDeltic]

Every home game since I have been in the South Stand, people behind us have trotted out at least one nugget a game. Too many to list, if they are on here they might not appreciate their views being repeated. Needless to say that quite a few comments have been about refereeing junior matches, the quality of Duffy, McGoldrick, Sharp, Basham, Fleck, Clarke from the present side, Cresswell, Evan's, MacDonald, Maguire from Wilson era. Quite a few comedy comments regarding all those players.

 

[benn5712]

Every home game since I have been in the South Stand, people behind us have trotted out at least one nugget a game. Too many to list, if they are on here they might not appreciate their views being repeated. Needless to say that quite a few comments have been about refereeing junior matches, the quality of Duffy, McGoldrick, Sharp, Basham, Fleck, Clarke from the present side, Cresswell, Evan's, MacDonald, Maguire from Wilson era. Quite a few comedy comments regarding all those players.

Beans, spill.
Ta.

 

[RossoDeltic]

Beans, spill.
Ta.

In terms of Evans, just think Brian the Blade (after he signed in 2017).
The was one occasion when all they did was moan. Bloke next to us who is a member at Trent Bridge, stood up, turned to them and invited them to maybe watch somewhere else, or even maybe consider supporting the players on the pitch.
Every now and then, what can only be described as casual racism, but racist nonetheless.
Lazy Clarke, McGoldrick etc, usually involving get them off and bring x on. I remember them absolutely hammering Clarke at one match, only for him to be their hero when he scored not long after.
None of their comments have ever been funny!

 

[oldblade]

It was such an un -enthralling game, a copper was throwing sticks for his dog on the cricket pitch.

The last couple of minutes went some way to making up for the rest of the game though.

 

[Eskimo]

Young lad behind me in south stand in last game at home against Ipswich.

O’ Connell’s off the pitch, I don’t think they’ve noticed.

Thirty seconds later 2-0 to United, O ‘Connell’s header

 

[benn5712]

The last couple of minutes went some way to making up for the rest of the game though.

Just a shame nobody had the forethought to wait outside until the gates were opened just before full time. Would have seen the Blades start performing for nowt.

 

[oldblade]

Just a shame nobody had the forethought to wait outside until the gates were opened just before full time. Would have seen the Blades start performing for nowt.

That would still have been too expensive for what was on display!

 

[benn5712]

That would still have been too expensive for what was on display!

Think it was that match we stopped off in a pub on the way back. Had a country and western duo playing.
Blades fans joined in Yee Haw-ing and the like.
Band packed up and left sharpish.

 

[Numpty's Dusty Ruts.]

Last time we played Stoke before this season (2008/09?). Chap who Esteemed Forgeblade and myself knew only as "That bloke behind" exclaimed, at 3-0 down after 20 minutes, "Fuck this, I'm off to get bollocksed!!". He never returned, although we've occasionally seen him as "security"! He was right to get bollocksed, because we were truly dire!!!!

 

[Isar]

"That Wednesday team are so good, we will get battered"

 

[ekke287]

“Shoreham boys we are here, shag your women and drink your beer”

- 8 year old girl on the Kop

 

[cahill]

Oldham away in 1986. Losing 3-0, John Burridge with a confused look on his face, trying to kick up a divot for a goal kick on their artificial pitch. Cue Blade on the terrace behind the goal “It’s a plastic pitch Budgie you thick cunt”.

Was that 1986 ? Seems longer than that

 

[cahill]

Back in the day when disabled spectators would be taken in wheelchairs to sit in front of the Arnold Laver Stand.

Away player blasts ball into stand for throw in, narrowly avoiding wheelchairs

Bloke near me shouts.

" Dunt thee kill r spastics" bloke further along adds " they're our spastics and we love 'em"

 

[bromtom]

In terms of Evans, just think Brian the Blade (after he signed in 2017).
The was one occasion when all they did was moan. Bloke next to us who is a member at Trent Bridge, stood up, turned to them and invited them to maybe watch somewhere else, or even maybe consider supporting the players on the pitch.
Every now and then, what can only be described as casual racism, but racist nonetheless.
Lazy Clarke, McGoldrick etc, usually involving get them off and bring x on. I remember them absolutely hammering Clarke at one match, only for him to be their hero when he scored not long after.
None of their comments have ever been funny!

This is why I sit in the corner at the back, no-one behind me and I hear as few comments as is possible. Jesus Christ there are some mardy twats in the South Stand, in my experience bang in the middle they congregate, chucking out Sainsbury's basics brand punditry and moaning about how "we'll not do owt wi' this lot, bloody awful".

 

[Large Mendonca]

When the kop was turned into an all seater, there were 4 lads sat in front of us who were real characters, one especially. They all wore yellow hats. The loudest had a regular tendency to have a go at the linesman. His opening line always used to make us smile as he balled "linesman, LINESMAN, look at mi when am talking to di"

He was also the first guy I remember who took a bugle to the game. Others may remember that. He was no Acker Bilk but he did a job

I remember back in 93 when Bryan Gunn was running up to take a goal kick, and one bloke did a fantastic Tarzan yodel (Gunn had long blonde straggly hair at that point) - it wouldn’t surprise me if it was one of those 4 who shouted it

 

[Reus]

Mid '80's when the kop was standing only.

A youth behind us was complaining about being searched before he was able to enter.

"That bastard copper took mi can of salmon, he said it was a weapon for throwing". "I told him it was for mi Nan Nan's cat". "He took it anyway, the bastard"

I teld him "If I were gunna through it, I'd 'ave bought a tin o' beans"

"Bastard".

If there is one of these stories that typifies Sheffield then it’s this one. Brilliant !

 

[Sheff de party]

Probably had to be there, but we were playing West Ham at home and Marlon Harewood let the ball roll through his legs, span round and skinned Chris Morgan without touching it.

Bloke behind me said wistfull, in as Sheffield a statement as I’ve ever heard, “ah, he’s selt thi.”

It was delivered like a sympathetic Grandad passing on advice about suncream to a bright red blistered 10 year old.

As I said, had to be there but it still makes me smile even now.

 

[Sheff de party]

I also went to watch Wednesday at Huddersfield one day with my dad (yes yes I know) and the away support, which was far better than the actual match, spent most of the game singing “Bobby Carolgees, Bobby Carolgees” to a bloke in the home end. It was hilarious.

He left after about 70 minutes, presumably unable to take it any longer.