I've had a couple of IPA's, so I'll bite.

He's as limited in his technical ability as he is in both his creative thought and ability to react to a situation. He is reductionist in every single aspect of his play when all we ask of him is to be mildly expansive. He acts as a black hole for a lot of our play, sucking the beauty out of it and either frustrates or breaks down our play when he's gets involved in it. He manages to slow us down when we need speeding up and vice versa, he plays short balls when a longer pass is needed, he plays ridiculously telegraphed cross field Hollywood passes that are easy to cut out, and for whatever reason he lacks the ability and mobility of a modern CM to the point of utter fucking embarrassment, so bad it's as if he's got some sort of congenital defect. His presence on the pitch and his shortcomings obviously have a sub-conscious effect on his teammates because, as his appearance to win ratio suggests, when he plays, the other 10 either don't or alter their play to accommodate him sufficiently to alter our overall effectiveness. Which is quite an impressive stat. 90% fail to operate fully on the changing of 10%. To my untrained & jaundiced eyes, he is poor at passing, poor at shooting and poor at reading the game. He appears to lack an understanding of the basics of the game of football and the nuances it presents in 90mins. He basically is a bang average average L1 player who must think all his Xmas's have come at once. As far as I am concern how he is still at the club is a mystery, and he follows in a long tradition of Gannon, Rogers, Hoyland, etc of totally anonymous CM's who aren't good enough to wear the shirt of the cub I love. He's the human embodiment of a ball and chain around the nubile ankles of our midfield. It's a damning indictment of his lack of ability that a championship/home international journeyman like Norwood appears god like in comparison, and an equally damning indictment of Louis Reed and/or Regan Slater's ability that neither could/can replace him on the subs bench. We've now got to a stage where we cheer him for a robust challenge or congratulate him for not being the worst player on the pitch for us. Jesus. H. Christ, we have well and truly embraced mediocrity.
Other than that, I'm really happy he's a United player and wait to be proven wrong.