Word or phrases only commentators use...

[103SecondsOfMagic]

Using present tense instead of past tense

'If they keep pressing they win the game'

Ahem, I believe you meant 'if they kept pressing they'd have won the game'

They all do it!

 

[Carlton Blade]

"Finished with aplomb"

 

[Guesty]

Using present tense instead of past tense

'If they keep pressing they win the game'

Ahem, I believe you meant 'if they kept pressing they'd have won the game'

They all do it!

Yes, that one winds me up. I think Shearer was an early adopter but it's all the rate now.

 

[Guesty]

"Finished with aplomb"

"Well I’m not really worried about this
But could someone please answer me this:
Apart from on commentary
Where else on earth
Can you hear the word ‘aplomb’ being used?"

Half Man Half Biscuit - Keeping Two Chevrons Apart.

 

[Nightsweats]

"World class"
"Absolutely incredible"
"Stunningly amazing"

All OTT nonsense to describe what footballers have been paid to do for ever.

 

[Hull Blade]

'They've come from behind'
'This has got nil-nil written all over it.'

'Asa Hartford, is a whole hearted player,' One of Coleman's balls.

 

[Valleyblade]

"He's got it under his spell"

"He didn't quite get it under his spell"


It's not sauron, gandalf and the orcs. No magic rings.

 

[Klaatu Barada Nikto]

And similarly Star Wars...

Apparently Han Solo did the Kessel run in 12 parsecs when parsec is a measure of distance not time, like the above.

This was explained in the Solo film.

 

[Hodgesleftpeg]

“Apologies for any language you may have heard that caused offence”

 

[Rooks]

One Nil, David Coleman.

Young Uns ask your Dad or Grandad.

 

[Trigger Blade]

Using present tense instead of past tense

'If they keep pressing they win the game'

Ahem, I believe you meant 'if they kept pressing they'd have won the game'

They all do it!

It’s related to the use of conditional tenses. The first condition has to be fulfilled for the second one to happen.

“If they had kept pressing, they would have won the game”

In modern parlance, the above often leads to “they would of won the game”, written by people who have no understanding of such things. It’s unimportant in the overall scheme of things, but it irritates me disproprtionately

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

It was a lick of paint from going in - errrr, no it wasn't.
It's a save you'd expect him to make, but he still had to make it

 

[ISZA ⚔️]

Starting to turn the screw.

 

[I should coco]

The law

When he hits it, it stays hit....completely ignoring the laws of gravity and the principle of deceleration.

He's returned it with interest.... not heard lately due to bank base rates being so low.

The Laws of Physics also magically submit to commentator bollocks.

"The ball has picked up pace* off the turf".

* Yer' more knowledgeable commentators may insert 'wet' here.

 

[Gimli]

One of the radio Sheffield commentators always talks in the future tense to describe things that have already happened…

‘And Ndiaye will smash that one in!’
‘And Norwood will send a pass out to the right hand side for Baldock…’
‘It’s moved up to McBurnie who will flick this down the channel’

Once you hear it you can’t un-hear it. Annoying.

Commentator cliches that piss me off;

Predictably unpredictable
Consistently inconsistent

 

[Shirty Blade]

Referring the Man U as 'United' when playing us, the oldest 'United'. Shows their bias and ignorance.

 

[The Hobott]

happy hunting ground

 

[shorehamview]

“Saved by the post.”

No. The striker missed the goal. That’s why it hit the post. The post did not move to intercept the ball.

 

[TakeTheHighRoad]

There's one commentator, Daniel Mann, I think who says (after seemingly every goal)

"WOULD YOU CREDIT IT?" A goal in a football game? Yeah I would credit it Daniel

Similar to mentioned before, but a specific football phrase is "in and around" as in "They'll be in and around the play offs at the end of the season"

 

[Pollingtonblade]

The next goal will be crucial.

Because the previous ones didn't matter.

 

[Darkoak]

"He's got it in his locker".....

 

[Pollingtonblade]

They can't buy a goal.

Hoe would that actually work In practice? Something like

"Hey Hans, would you let a couple of shots go in for a brown envelope stashed with cash" ??

 

[cahill]

'They've come from behind'
'This has got nil-nil written all over it.'

'Asa Hartford, is a whole hearted player,' One of Coleman's balls.

Oops

 

[cahill]

Off subject but Green Un reporters like Tony Pritchet and Peter Howard would write « fans were shocked and stunned « or « amazed and staggered » United fans were « shocked and stunned… » I spent my younger days at the Lane « amazed and staggered »

 

[Meersbrook Blade]

An agricultural shot

 

[Edgar Allan Poo]

An agricultural shot
[/QUOTE

imagine the tractor boys would be particularly guilty of that.

 

[Bell4]

From yesterdays game - Brentford v Arsenal

Arsenal are sublime
Arsenal are fantastic
We love Arsenal
Arsenal are sending out a message to everyone else
Arsenal are - well - just fkin awsome
Arsenal hey - what a team - what a club - what an institution
The Queen was an Arsenal fan and so is King Charles
Arsenal - cant stop saying that word - Arsenal
My shit stinks of Arsenal

 

[derfblade.3]

I remember Tony Adams making a poor effort to head the ball back to David Seaman and Seaman having to go full stretch to stop it being an own goal. The commentators comment was...."Adams was very fortunate to be covered by Seaman" was hilarious.

 

[Sheff de party]

“It was in from the minute it left his boot.”

Yes, that’s how goals work.

 

[Stanthemanfan]

" he knows where the net is"
Weers that then?