shorehamview
Pink Sambuca drinking World Champion.
Now, there has once again been some doubt on this forum as to who the "Biggest Blade" is. So I offer you this hypothetical situation.
Blade 1 is 60. He's followed United since he was 5, and only missed ten matches, home or away, in 55 years. This includes pre-season and reserve matches. He reckons to have seen several squillion matches. It's a lot. Darren could possible tell us how many, but let's say it's a lot. He reckons he spends two thousand quid a season, but he can afford it.
Blade number 2 is an ex-pat. He's also made a fortune from his internet dating site and the pork futures market. He's absolutely loaded, and always travels everywhere in his private jet, helicopter, submarine or gold-plated Ford Cortina. He travels back to Sheffield from his top-secret volcano lair in a top-secret location, off the coast of Rotherham, three times a season, but each trip costs him around fifty thousand pounds in submarine fuel alone. Plus £2.40 for a pie. So each season he spends £150,000 in travel, plus £150 for Travelodge rooms and another £100 for burgers, pies and beer. On top of this he pays for a whole new United kit for his local boy's team, Bongo-Bango Rovers. And their mascot too, and he's a giraffe, and shirts in Size Giraffe don't come cheap.
Blade 3 is 13 years old. He lives in an orphanage, and has only been to see United seven times, because his only income is from recycling scraped-up chewing gum for the condom industry. On his bed in the orphanage he has a tattered but much loved Bob Booker duvet cover, and an old scruffy teddy bear called Jags. He loves United so much he is thinking of becoming a human guinea pig when he's older, as having make-up shoved in your eyes and smoking 3000 Bensons a day is worth it to be able to spend the money watching your beloved Blades.
So, who is the biggest Blade? The old chap who watches every match? The megalomaniac in his volcano lair, spending vast amounts? Or the cherubic orphan, who incidentally walks with a limp, the poor sod, and has to eat dog food to afford second hand shirts off of Ebay, spending every penny on United that he has, bless him?
The correct answer of course is this one.
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
I don't care. I love United, and that's all that matters to me. And that's all that should matter to you too.
PS. If you are concerned about the plight of the young orphan, then don't worry. He was run over by a hypothetical submarine yesterday. The Bob Booker duvet was for sale on Ebay. It's currently got one bid. The submarine has disappeared somewhere in the River Don.
Blade 1 is 60. He's followed United since he was 5, and only missed ten matches, home or away, in 55 years. This includes pre-season and reserve matches. He reckons to have seen several squillion matches. It's a lot. Darren could possible tell us how many, but let's say it's a lot. He reckons he spends two thousand quid a season, but he can afford it.
Blade number 2 is an ex-pat. He's also made a fortune from his internet dating site and the pork futures market. He's absolutely loaded, and always travels everywhere in his private jet, helicopter, submarine or gold-plated Ford Cortina. He travels back to Sheffield from his top-secret volcano lair in a top-secret location, off the coast of Rotherham, three times a season, but each trip costs him around fifty thousand pounds in submarine fuel alone. Plus £2.40 for a pie. So each season he spends £150,000 in travel, plus £150 for Travelodge rooms and another £100 for burgers, pies and beer. On top of this he pays for a whole new United kit for his local boy's team, Bongo-Bango Rovers. And their mascot too, and he's a giraffe, and shirts in Size Giraffe don't come cheap.
Blade 3 is 13 years old. He lives in an orphanage, and has only been to see United seven times, because his only income is from recycling scraped-up chewing gum for the condom industry. On his bed in the orphanage he has a tattered but much loved Bob Booker duvet cover, and an old scruffy teddy bear called Jags. He loves United so much he is thinking of becoming a human guinea pig when he's older, as having make-up shoved in your eyes and smoking 3000 Bensons a day is worth it to be able to spend the money watching your beloved Blades.
So, who is the biggest Blade? The old chap who watches every match? The megalomaniac in his volcano lair, spending vast amounts? Or the cherubic orphan, who incidentally walks with a limp, the poor sod, and has to eat dog food to afford second hand shirts off of Ebay, spending every penny on United that he has, bless him?
The correct answer of course is this one.
WHO GIVES A SHIT?
I don't care. I love United, and that's all that matters to me. And that's all that should matter to you too.
PS. If you are concerned about the plight of the young orphan, then don't worry. He was run over by a hypothetical submarine yesterday. The Bob Booker duvet was for sale on Ebay. It's currently got one bid. The submarine has disappeared somewhere in the River Don.
