10:30am - Get up, with a massive boner thinking about Sarah in Australia who I met of MSN
11:00am - Shave and shower, and think about having a wank and Snapchatting it to Sarah in Australia
11:30am - Have some lunch, Corned beef and pickle sandwich. Decline to wash the pots as I find one of my Dads shit covered dildos in the sink.
12:00pm - Try to talk to Sarah in Australia, the fucking slag isn't answering, but at least she will get the message when she has 72 missed calls.
1:00pm - Get in car and drive down to Sheffield. Get a mild stiffy thinking of Sarah in Australia.
1:40pm - Park in Train station car park. Fantasise about taking Sarah from behind over the car bonnet. Make a mental note to stick that one in the wank bank.
1:50pm - Arrive at the Nelly (Lord Nelson) pub for a pre-game pint and some socialising and match predicting with Raul, Marshy, Tara and co. Wonder why they all keep laughing when I don't get the joke.
2:45pm - Head to Bramall Lane. Spot a girl who looks like Sarah. Don't get a stiffy.
2:50pm - In seat in the KOP. Sat cross legged as I think about Sarah naked apart from wearing a Scaletrix t-shirt
3:00pm - YOU FILL UP MY SENSES.... Watch Neil Shipperley run out and get a mild stiffy, wonder if this normal.
3:45pm - Go grab a pie. Stand in the queue and think about dinner and finding Dads shit covered dildo in the sink. Put off getting a pie.
4:00pm - Get back in seat even if you didn't get pie. Wonder if the Dildo was actually my Mums. Get another stiffy.
4:45pm - Another 3 points for the Blades. Wish Sarah would come over to the UK and come to the match with me.
4:55pm - Attempt to Ring Sheff-Utd Radio to yell "WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE!!" down the phone
. Phone gets cut off, the wankers must have blocked me.
5:00pm - Back at the Nelly for another pint. These are seriously fucked up people as they are still laughing but I still don't know what they are laughing about.
7:00pm - Head back to car and drive back to Tadcaster, think about stopping off and picking a prostitue up. Decide £5 is too much. Have another raging Stiffy.
7:40pm - Arrive back home for tea. Find Dads dildo on the draining board.
7:50pm - Get online and come here for some top of the league bragging
for 5 minutes
7:55pm Turn on Pornhub
7:57pm Realise I've forgot to bring some tissues in to my bedroom after I reach the point of no return
8:15pm Wonder why my Dads enjoys his Dildo so much, have another stiffy
8:30pm Knock on the door. It's the Police wanting to know why I'm harrassing a girl in Australia
8:50pm Wonder if Sarah is playing hard to get, send her a message on MSN
8:55pm Log on to the Scaletrix forum
1:00am Go to bed, still no reply from Sarah. Hear some straight noises coming from my parent room, wonder if they are ok. Have a raging stiffy
