What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[Northyorksblade]

Gareth Southgate lives in Harrogate.

I know.

 

[Greasy Chap Butty]

It got boring after a while. Doesn't matter how fit your other half is, it eventually becomes a bit meh.

As I always say you don't go to a buffet and just eat pork pie, you want to try a bit of everything!

 

[sufc323]

I used to coach Jake’s son, I can’t imagine he was happy with his mates giving it the ‘do you know who he is?’ Schtick. He’s pretty reserved.

He seemed pretty embarrassed, he was the quietest of the bunch

 

[Trigger Blade]

One day when I was managing the bookies at Low Edges, Ted Helmsley (who had his own betting shop at the time) came to collect his Greyform from me one morning because it had been left with us by mistake.

Earlier this year, we went on our annual cricket club jaunt to Cartmel races, where the racing itself is of doubtful quality and definitely secondary to the vast amounts of alcohol and food transported up the M6 on the bus and consumed in the following few hours, usually in warm sunshine, in a really picturesque location. In fact this year, I never even managed to place a bet.

Anyway, in the programme, I noticed that one of the officials that day was Ted Hemsley and thought “no,it couldn’t be”. It turned out however that it was him, he worked in the racing industry and that day was his last before retirement. I only know that because there was an interview with him broadcast over the tannoy talking about his life in racing, but it mentioned TRAWW in passing.

We were some distance from the main grandstand but I thought I’d go and try to find him and say thank you for being part of the best Sheffield United team I’ve ever seen. I didn’t find him, he could have been anywhere in the entire concourse, so I didn’t bother.

Accordingly, my encounter with an ex-SUFC player is so dull it never even happened, because I gave up at the first hurdle, as it were. I did hear his voice, I just never saw him

 

[El Volví]

Earlier this year, we went on our annual cricket club jaunt to Cartmel races, where the racing itself is of doubtful quality and definitely secondary to the vast amounts of alcohol and food transported up the M6 on the bus and consumed in the following few hours, usually in warm sunshine, in a really picturesque location. In fact this year, I never even managed to place a bet.

Anyway, in the programme, I noticed that one of the officials that day was Ted Hemsley and thought “no,it couldn’t be”. It turned out however that it was him, he worked in the racing industry and that day was his last before retirement. I only know that because there was an interview with him broadcast over the tannoy talking about his life in racing, but it mentioned TRAWW in passing.

We were some distance from the main grandstand but I thought I’d go and try to find him and say thank you for being part of the best Sheffield United team I’ve ever seen. I didn’t find him, he could have been anywhere in the entire concourse, so I didn’t bother.

Accordingly, my encounter with an ex-SUFC player is so dull it never even happened, because I gave up at the first hurdle, as it were. I did hear his voice, I just never saw him

Cartmel is a lovely place, stayed in the Cavendish Arms a couple of years ago.
Some great eating places too.

 

[JimW1889]

Saw Matt Done and another player that I can't remember heading to the train station on a Friday in their blades gear, also can't remember who we were playing on the Saturday. Smiled at him and he didn't smile back. Miserable fucker.

A few united players used to do recovery stuff at ponds forge gym during league one. Saw Brayford and O'Connell in there. Another time a fair few were in pre season, also can't remember who apart from Sharp. Never spoke to, or smiled at, any of them.

 

[Pottedmeattoes]

I don’t know how to respond to that in truth.. sounds ideal

what no head or legs

 

[Old Programme seller]

She was all tits and arse to be honest!

Like Micky Quinn?

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

Kind of. But I haven't wanted to cover Bob Carolgees in brandy butter and cling film before.

 

[Rusty view]

I was walking on Brid see front as a kid and walked past Eric Cantona.

I said "ooh that's Cantona." He nodded.


(I should have said "are you looking for seaguls Eric")

 

[Trickymicky]

Saw Tony Currie before the Arsenal Kanu shithouse cup game walking to the ground, said something like 'Ey up TC, reight player', gave me a dirty look in return so fuck off you fat, ungrateful cunt, never liked him

Saw Tony Currie before the Arsenal Kanu shithouse cup game walking to the ground, said something like 'Ey up TC, reight player', gave me a dirty look in return so fuck off you fat, ungrateful cunt, never liked him since.

He barged his way past the parked cars at the bottom of Linley lane onto MY side of the road, then called me a “Faackin idiot”!! He’s a prick.

 

[El Volví]

Used to live near him for a few years.

Won't go into detail but he'll never be the United legend to me that he is to many others, irrespective of his footballing talents.

None of these comments about him surprise me, not from personal experience, but I've heard it so many times. My mate in Japan (from personal experience) doesn't like him for exactly the reasons so many have stated.
Great player, but a bit of a....

 

[El Volví]

BUT.... spoke to him at a Player of year do and he said 'Ve vill stay up'. We didn't.

I didn't know that he was German!

 

[BadgersBigToe]

Met Marlon Dingle buying football boots at Sports Direct in Harrogate, he said his name was really Mark not Marlon, very confusing.

Just so I can fully appreciate the dullness of this post could you clarify whether it was you or Marlon buying the boots

 

[BadgersBigToe]

She was all tits and arse to be honest!

And belly one presumes

 

[Sheff de party]

I once walked past Avram Grant in Regents Park. He smiled and no words were exchanged.

 

[sitwell]

Currie was sat in his car outside Asda in Gateford listening to the radio while his Mrs did a shop on Thursday morning.

 

[Mike325]

He barged his way past the parked cars at the bottom of Linley lane onto MY side of the road, then called me a “Faackin idiot”!! He’s a prick.

I find a lot of these pro footballers are probably told not to speak to anyone properly. They just say ‘yeah’ ‘alright’ to any questions. We’re just do our bollox in money watching them every other week but wo betide we even say hello in passing

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

And belly one presumes

Not really, you don't need a big gut to belly dance!

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

He was 'happily married' at the time, with his missus and kids living up in Bindipperland

And then he was sausaging Laura, one of our beer vendors. I was topping her mate up with manfat also and some of the stories of the idiotic, clumsy and simply dickheaded way he would treat Laura and she meekly forgave him had me fucking howling with laughter. Especially the chlamydia episode. He gave that his missus too. Laura wouldn't accept that in what she thought was a tightly-sewn triangle of cock and cunt, there was another cunt which had chlamydia first.

I'm still her mate on facebook. Not the other one I was knobbing. She hates me. I didn't give her chlamydia. Just piles from frantic backdoor action. Her call.

pommpey

Topping her up with manfat, very Mills & Boon

 

[BadgersBigToe]

Not really, you don't need a big gut to belly dance!

It’s not essential but I find it helps me no end

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

It’s not essential but I find it helps me no end

No offence, but I'd rather some hot busty Eastern European lady belly dancing, than you looking like a burst sofa

 

[Davalon]

None of these comments about him surprise me, not from personal experience, but I've heard it so many times. My mate in Japan (from personal experience) doesn't like him for exactly the reasons so many have stated.
Great player, but a bit of a....

I appreciate many want to remember him as the United legend and I won't go into all the reasons why I hold my opinion as it won't be appreciated on here. Even tbough many would be happy to pile on someone else unconnected for the same reasons.

Football innit.

 

[pommpey]

Topping her up with manfat, very Mills & Boon

And sometimes in the chutney chute too. An incredibly skilled, giving female of the species.

pommpey

 

[Flumps]

A few years back in the Apple store in meadowhall, standing in the genius bar queue or whatever it's called. Suddenly there was less daylight coming from the door behind me and I realized someone had joined the queue. I glanced round to find myself looking at Chris Morgan.

I turned back round and started thinking up some funny conversational opener I could make that would make us best mates, then turned round, saw his expression and settled on a nod.

He nodded back.

I'm convinced Morgan is the most seen United player in public. I assume the current players just either go to certain places or do things to avoid attention but Morgan just seems to go about his business as a normal person.

I've seen him in a handful of usual places either out shopping or whatever. I may have posted it in here but a month or so ago I nipped in to BMW to pick up a part for a car and he was just sat on the sofa I assume waiting for his car to be serviced or repaired or whatever.

 

[bibbity bobbity boo]

Just so I can fully appreciate the dullness of this post could you clarify whether it was you or Marlon buying the boots

It was him. I had just dropped my son off at school, no idea what i was buying.

 

[El Volví]

When he was in his flat and knobbing that tasty MILF, he had a photograph on his bookcase of him in Naval uniform.

I emailed the production team and told them that the hat he wore was clearly a photoshopped US Navy one and the badges he had were not of the submarine service. I also pointed out that the home of said service had moved to Devonport and Faslane years ago and any mention of him 'being in Portsmouth' for any reason was an aircraft carrier full of bison's bollocks.

The photo disappeared as has any mention of 'Portsmouth' in the script now.

Cunts.

pommpey

I can't believe that you're admitting to watching Coronation Street!!!

 

[El Volví]

I saw Jack Charlton at Belfast airport once. He was talking on his phone and he didn't look in my direction.

Stood behind Niall Quinn in the queue to board a flight at Dublin airport.
Didn't speak to him, but he's bloody tall!

 

[El Volví]

OT. I once had a wee next to Rolf Harris in the Grosvenor Hotel

I'd keep that one quiet......too late!

 

[Chief_Froley]

The other week I went to the Salford City Christmas party. When I was in the queue for food Nicky Butt pushed in front of me and I was too scared to call him out so he got away with it.