What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[Sheff de party]

I was walking on Brid see front as a kid and walked past Eric Cantona.

I said "ooh that's Cantona." He nodded.


(I should have said "are you looking for seaguls Eric")

I think you’re meant to say “ooh ahh that’s Cantona” actually.

 

[MKY]

I was in a coffee shop in Oxford’s covered market yesterday. Martin Keowne & his wife came in. They had to stand for a while-waiting for a seat. Eventually they were seated. He ordered a panini. Don’t know what his wife had. We left more or less at the same time. It was freezing & pissing it down. He lingered at one of the exits, seemingly reluctant to venture forth, whereupon we exchanged inane comments about the inclement weather; “Miserable isn’t it?” Said he, to which I replied, “could be worse…. It could be snowing.” I then strode off into the rain without further comment…..

 

[pommpey]

I can't believe that you're admitting to watching Coronation Street!!!

Barlow Jnr doesn't walk, talk or act like an ex-matelot in any way, shape or form.

If he did, his vocabulary would be a tad different as would his mannerisms.

A few years ago he fell off the wagon and ended up back at Carlas. The Battersby lass came round and Carla said "he's in the shower" and knocked on the door saying, "y'all rite in there Peter?"

Now had he been an ex-matelot, you'd have heard a grunted, gasped "Aye!" as he pushed out a truly vile-smelling, loose-in-form, hangovershit from his tender bumhole. It would verily leave Carla's bathroom stinking like a slaughterhouse in August and coated her porcelain with a thick brown compote, peanuts, sweetcorn kernels and tomato skins aplenty with a yard-long stool curled over the u-bend and out of the water both sides. Then, after using up the half roll of tissue, he'd then move onto her facial wipes then her hand-towel to cleanse his cleft.

He'd then get in the shower and stand motionless until the immersion tank ran cold.

pommpey

 

[El Volví]

Barlow Jnr doesn't walk, talk or act like an ex-matelot in any way, shape or form.

If he did, his vocabulary would be a tad different as would his mannerisms.

A few years ago he fell off the wagon and ended up back at Carlas. The Battersby lass came round and Carla said "he's in the shower" and knocked on the door saying, "y'all rite in there Peter?"

Now had he been an ex-matelot, you'd have heard a grunted, gasped "Aye!" as he pushed out a truly vile-smelling, loose-in-form, hangovershit from his tender bumhole. It would verily leave Carla's bathroom stinking like a slaughterhouse in August and coated her porcelain with a thick brown compote, peanuts, sweetcorn kernels and tomato skins aplenty with a yard-long stool curled over the u-bend and out of the water both sides. Then, after using up the half roll of tissue, he'd then move onto her facial wipes then her hand-towel to cleanse his cleft.

He'd then get in the shower and stand motionless until the immersion tank ran cold.

pommpey

Thanks for that

 

[BarcaBlade]

Barlow Jnr doesn't walk, talk or act like an ex-matelot in any way, shape or form.

If he did, his vocabulary would be a tad different as would his mannerisms.

A few years ago he fell off the wagon and ended up back at Carlas. The Battersby lass came round and Carla said "he's in the shower" and knocked on the door saying, "y'all rite in there Peter?"

Now had he been an ex-matelot, you'd have heard a grunted, gasped "Aye!" as he pushed out a truly vile-smelling, loose-in-form, hangovershit from his tender bumhole. It would verily leave Carla's bathroom stinking like a slaughterhouse in August and coated her porcelain with a thick brown compote, peanuts, sweetcorn kernels and tomato skins aplenty with a yard-long stool curled over the u-bend and out of the water both sides. Then, after using up the half roll of tissue, he'd then move onto her facial wipes then her hand-towel to cleanse his cleft.

He'd then get in the shower and stand motionless until the immersion tank ran cold.

pommpey

You don't half talk some shit, pommpey

 

[curtisblades]

Bumped into Mason Holgate in The Wildcard toilets. He complimented me on my t-shirt as it was the same brand as his trainers.

 

[diode_blade]

Many moons ago when Fanny's nightclub was still going at Owler Bar, we used to up there on Tuesday nights,.
Many times after a blades home game that night we use to see a lot of the team in there, Waugh, Edwards, Morris etc....

They were shit at dancing...

 

[Zipwire]

A couple more this year. Both golf related.

The first one came this summer. I was on a Golf Society day up at Hallamshire on what was one of the hottest days of the year. I hit a drive that I didn't hit well, its sliced off at a 45 degree angle at a very low trajectory towards a couple of golfers on the next fairway. I shouted Fore, and they both ducked out of the way. A bit later on we was in the club house and the two golfers approached the 18th green and it was none other than ex-pig David Hirst. In the clubhouse he ended up coming over and having a beer with us, and as much as it pains me to say it, he was a great fella, no airs and graces and really down to earth, and I told him that I was a Blade and I'll try harder to hit him next time.

The other one came at Morley Hayes, we was having a bacon buttie before heading out for 18 holes and bumped in to Nigel Clough. I had a 5 minute chat with him. Chatted about the two semi-finals and he said he would rather have success in the league rather than the cups.

 

[Tongeincheek]

I saw Chris Morgan taking pictures with some other Blades fans outside Chesterfield’s ground.

My mate (Derby fan) clocked him as well and asked if I wanted a picture taken with Morgs too.
I did… but, after taking a couple of tentative steps I realised that I might be taller than him, and my brain couldn’t handle that, so I stopped and settled for a thumbs-up, a nod, and a short, curt “Skipper” - from a safe distance where I could still think of Morgs as a colossus.

 

[tincan]

Surely you meant "ooh ahh Bob Booker"?

I think you’re meant to say “ooh ahh that’s Cantona” actually.

 

[El Volví]

I was in a coffee shop in Oxford’s covered market yesterday. Martin Keowne & his wife came in. They had to stand for a while-waiting for a seat. Eventually they were seated. He ordered a panini. Don’t know what his wife had. We left more or less at the same time. It was freezing & pissing it down. He lingered at one of the exits, seemingly reluctant to venture forth, whereupon we exchanged inane comments about the inclement weather; “Miserable isn’t it?” Said he, to which I replied, “could be worse…. It could be snowing.” I then strode off into the rain without further comment…..

Far too much detail!

 

[El Volví]

Surely you meant "ooh ahh Bob Booker"?

Bob Booker is a good mate of Bradley Walsh.

 

[Silent Blade]

Bob Booker is a good mate of Bradley Walsh.

Both were at Brentford at the same time

 

[El Volví]

Both were at Brentford at the same time

And lived near each other in Watford.

 

[Bladey_blade]

Sold Kyle Walker a £199 laptop just after he had signed a new contract at Tottenham for big bucks and got bollocked for not passionately upselling the £1.99 a month insurance

 

[Harry's Game]

I once saw Mitch Ward waiting for his luggage at Manchester airport

 

[Silent Blade]

Went to Cleethorpes for the day with the family in Summer 1973. After my dad found a parking space, we headed for the beach which meant walking through the market. Heading the other way to our direction was Woody with his family!

 

[tincan]

And lived near each other in Watford.

Does one dullness spawning 5 anecdotes make it more or less duller?

 

[El Volví]

Does one dullness spawning 5 anecdotes make it more or less duller?

 

[Grey Blade]

I once saw George Best at Heathrow Airport. He was having a drink in a bar as I was walking past.

 

[Maidenhead]

Saw Matt Done and another player that I can't remember heading to the train station on a Friday in their blades gear, also can't remember who we were playing on the Saturday. Smiled at him and he didn't smile back. Miserable fucker.

A few united players used to do recovery stuff at ponds forge gym during league one. Saw Brayford and O'Connell in there. Another time a fair few were in pre season, also can't remember who apart from Sharp. Never spoke to, or smiled at, any of them.

I was at the coffee machine in the Copthorne at breakfast time on the day that Matt Done made his home debut.

He walked up, looked at me and then said to me "alright"

I said, yep, and then welcomed him to the Blades and wished him luck.

 

[JimW1889]

I was at the coffee machine in the Copthorne at breakfast time on the day that Matt Done made his home debut.

He walked up, looked at me and then said to me "alright"

I said, yep, and then welcomed him to the Blades and wished him luck.

Either it was my face or he was jaded by Adkins at this point.

 

[mattbianco1]

For a couple of Billy ones.

1. When the light cinema first opened we were sat having some food 1 Sunday with our kids in one of the restaurants at top of escalator. In Walks Billy, wife, kids and his mum n dad. They sat on table next to us.
I basically didn't listen to a word my family spoke whilst trying to listen to Sharps chat instead.

2. Went to a christening a few months back. My mates kid. They go to his soccer school things and know him quite well. We're sat on this table with an older couple when a little lad comes up talking to them, I'm like... that's Billy's lad... anyway it was. Sharp was on holiday with the Mrs so his mum n dad had taken the kids to the christening. I then decided to talk to his dad constantly whilst pretending not to know who he was

 

[Russ]

I saw Colin Morris in the old Asda at Handsworth when I was about 10. I said to him “Excuse me are you Colin Morris?”

He smiled, I think he said yes. He certainly didn’t say no.

I couldn’t take his photo with my camera phone as they didn’t have them then, and I didn’t have my autograph book on me either.

Ps he was flying down the isle (on the wing)

 

[SuperSonicBlade89]

I once stood behind a United player at Abbeydale Tesco. When he was being served, he turned to face my direction at the bottom of the checkout. I was staring at him with a "I recognise you but don't know who you are" kind of face. Made him a little uneasy.

Anyway, I got home and I glanced at the SUFC calendar I had and it was Carl Asaba on that particular month. I did a double take and I just shouted "Aaaaaah shit! It was him!!!".

I saw Chris Morgan taking pictures with some other Blades fans outside Chesterfield’s ground.

My mate (Derby fan) clocked him as well and asked if I wanted a picture taken with Morgs too.
I did… but, after taking a couple of tentative steps I realised that I might be taller than him, and my brain couldn’t handle that, so I stopped and settled for a thumbs-up, a nod, and a short, curt “Skipper” - from a safe distance where I could still think of Morgs as a colossus.

I met Chris Morgan and shook his hand at an awards night at the lane. I was quite scared and I was taller than him. I thought he was going to squeeze my hand off with the size of his sausage fingers. But no! He was really gentle and so polite.

 

[mattbianco1]

I sat behind Emre Can on a flight from Manchester to Dusseldorf once. Didn't talk to him, just stared

 

[mattbianco1]

I'm in a whatsapp group chat with Mitch Ward although I've never met him.

 

[Russ]

I'm in a whatsapp group chat with Mitch Ward although I've never met him.

Do you know why he’s called Mitch?

His parents are big Baywatch fans.

 

[Guesty]

Do you know why he’s called Mitch?

His parents are big Baywatch fans.

I thought he was named after Robert Mitchum.

 

[Silent Blade]

I thought he was named after Robert Mitchum.

Correct. His mum was a big fan