What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[Greenwich Blade]

I had some lovely sandwiches

And I had your pork pie.

 

[YorkBlade]

And I had your pork pie.

 

[LSF]

That's John Charles (ask yer grandad) over there, said my mam as we 'enjoyed' a day at Wetherby races.
As a 5 year old I was clueless, but armed with a biro and bookies betting card, I was encouraged to ask for his autograph.
I got to him and was terrified by the sheer size of this suntanned giant. He duly signed and 65 years later I still can't find that chuffin autograph book I stuck the card into

 

[Blade.com]

All proper boring I assure you:

My lad used to play football with Jake Wright's son so I know him conversationally. I've also been in his house for a drink (legally I must add ).

I played around 10 games at centre half with Carl Bradshaw for Buxton in around 2001/2. He was my hero as a kid and a prick when I played with him. Don't meet your heroes!

I regularly see Billy Sharp at my son's football and he's good at small talk with Blades fans and really good with the kids, regularly helps out with coaching.

Stephen Quinn is another I've seen at kids football matches and he was good with encouraging the players on the 2 or 3 times we've played against his son's team and had a short chat at the end of one of the games with him.

I once took my car to be serviced and Mitch Ward was in there at the same time, he was a bit of a dick.

Like most Blades at away games over the years, I've bought Dane Whitehouse a pint.

I know Danny Wilson and Frank Barlow as I played football with both of their sons. Both are really nice blokes and used to do training sessions for us when we played junior football.

I entered a 5 a side team in a local league and used to regularly field Nicky Law when he was at the Blades as a 16/17 year old. He's in the USA now and loving life. He used to get me free tickets when we were in the PL under Warnock.

Slightly tenuous one, I pulled a bird from Handsworth on holiday in Greece many moons ago and it turned out she was Lee Bromby's girlfriend, her best mate was Geary's Mrs as well at the time. I didn't feel guilty and also met her a couple of times post-holiday while her and Bromby were still an item She was a bit mental though so I knocked it on the head after that.

I played for Alfreton U18's a few times and Wilder was the 1st team manager, he came in the changing rooms and told us all to "play well" once. My perception of him and his cronies at the time were that they were all pricks who made shit nicknames for people even if they didn't work

Pig ones:

I played against Chris Waddle when he was probably 40 years old and he took the piss out of me. I'd have been 16/17 at the time.

I played against Jamie Vardy and I'd like to think my shit marking and his 3 goals gave him the confidence to become the player he now is!

I nearly hit Carlton Palmer with a golf ball and shouted "that's for 1993 Carlton". He just smiled and walked off.

Hirst and Palmer walked past when I was queuing for a nightclub around 20 years ago, they went to the front of the queue and used the "do you know who I am?" line. The bouncer was a Blade and a mate of mine and he said "yes I do, now get to the back of the queue".

Like the Greek one.
Done my 3, Bobby Moore, Tommy Doc and Her Maj. Never bumped into any Blades players , ever. Apart from John Hope use to catch the same train home as me , but never bothered him after the first couple of times.

 

[Eskimo]

I saw Keith Edwards at a chippy near the Fleetwood ground. I told him that his goal against Bristol Rovers was one of my favourites. He replied that a lot of people had said that to him.

Strangest thing this. Eating fish and chips at Fleetwood, Keith Edwards from the radio Sheffield car parked opposite pointed out that I’d left my tub of mushy peas on the car roof. I didn’t say anything about the Bristol Rovers goal.

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

Melanie Sykes is top end aged female. Still pretty and charismatic and someone you'd be fucking pleased to be stepping out with and knowing later on you'd be spuds deep into.

Jenny Powell is similarly gifted in the ageing well department and another one who you'd be hard pushed to kick out of bed because she'd pumped.

Dani Behr was indeed vastly self-aware that many men were waxing their canoes over her. From that period however, I'd have gladly given an undercoat to Katie Puckrick, based upon comments she made in Loaded once about her preferring three minutes of stolen filth in a cupboard over eight hours of slow bump and grind. That appealed to me. I couldn't imagine Dani Behr going back serving fish and chips to customers with jizz running down her leg into her shoe and the stench of cock still in her beard.

pommpey

Ah Katie Puckrick! She once said the word 'moist' on TV in that 'come and knob me now big boy' American drawl , and it's still embedded in my memory 30 years later....

 

[pommpey]

Walked past Samantha Janus in Sheffield City Centre about 20 years ago. I didn’t come out of my bedroom for two days.

Christ. When she was in Game On, she was in the Champions League Quarter Finals with two away goals of fuckability.

That whole programme was ace. But she just screamed 'defile the laundry basket'.

Then she joined Stenders and became very plain.

Someone once said of Charlotte Church, 'she reeks of hotel-bed, hangover sex'. Yes, to the power twenty. You've pulled it, you took her back, you're both hammered. You gave it a go last night but it was like trying to get a flump into a doormouse's ear. You've now woken up and messy haired, smeared mascara, smelling of stale wine and minge she is absolutely fucking devastating. You have a hard on a kitten couldn't climb, your skull feels like Woodward has hit it on the drop from thirty yards and you are fighting the need to vomit your hoop up so you are inside out. But you have to mate with this female who is equally trashed, because in an hour, the maid will be knocking on the door to change the sheets you've left chocolate kisses on and pretty soon a lake of hot cod yoghurt. And you can't recall where your wallet is.

And you don't even know her fucking name. She says she sings and stuff. Wevs.

pommpey

 

[Gaini Blade]

Now, here's the thing...

He didn't injure himself at all. in hindsight he resembled a swan, glide landing on a lake , he landed on his full frontal but with his arms out and his head help above ground level. I recall him shouting (as he was falling) shopkeeper - shopkeeper , das was ein push ,ein push - obviously trying to deflect the blame onto me and away from his own clumsiness .

I didn't wait to see the outcome as i legged it (where there's a blame there's a claim and all that)

However , i did pass the Spurs team coach in the car park (they were on the way to play the Pigs) and Gary Maddock said to me , and ill never forget to this day and i will always thank him for these comforting words , don't worry mate , he did the same thing in Tom Marshes yesterday.

I managed to put it all behind me until i saw this thread

Same old Tottenham, always cheating.

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

Sarah Alexander now looks like Samantha Janus did when she was hot totty. So the standard is still being born aloft....

 

[pommpey]

Ah Katie Puckrick! She once said the word 'moist' on TV in that 'come and knob me now big boy' American drawl , and it's still embedded in my memory 30 years later....

She was dangerously humpable. She looked like a world of chaos, one of those of whom many will have said, 'the mad ones are the best fucks'.

Sure, she'd give you two falls, two submissions or a knockout and your helmet would possibly look like a returning Apollo Command Module capsule, all burnt and wrecked and covered in scars. And you'd possibly be limping a bit and she'd possibly have taken a hefty chomp at your earlobe, lower lip, right nipple, one of your toes or your nutbag. She may be one for whom 'experimental' means one notch more unsafe, undesirable and unsavoury than pegging. And she'd laugh, take pictures and keep a journal on her 'work', possibly to jill herself off over afterwards. She possibly uses Tinder to profile victims too.

My take: 10/10: MotM

pommpey

 

[YorkBlade]

She was dangerously humpable. She looked like a world of chaos, one of those of whom many will have said, 'the mad ones are the best fucks'.

Sure, she'd give you two falls, two submissions or a knockout and your helmet would possibly look like a returning Apollo Command Module capsule, all burnt and wrecked and covered in scars. And you'd possibly be limping a bit and she'd possibly have taken a hefty chomp at your earlobe, lower lip, right nipple, one of your toes or your nutbag. She may be one for whom 'experimental' means one notch more unsafe, undesirable and unsavoury than pegging. And she'd laugh, take pictures and keep a journal on her 'work', possibly to jill herself off over afterwards. She possibly uses Tinder to profile victims too.

My take: 10/10: MotM

pommpey

At what point do I remind you that you now represent the family YouTube channel 'The Sheff United Way'?

 

[Blade.com]

Christ. When she was in Game On, she was in the Champions League Quarter Finals with two away goals of fuckability.

That whole programme was ace. But she just screamed 'defile the laundry basket'.

Then she joined Stenders and became very plain.

Someone once said of Charlotte Church, 'she reeks of hotel-bed, hangover sex'. Yes, to the power twenty. You've pulled it, you took her back, you're both hammered. You gave it a go last night but it was like trying to get a flump into a doormouse's ear. You've now woken up and messy haired, smeared mascara, smelling of stale wine and minge she is absolutely fucking devastating. You have a hard on a kitten couldn't climb, your skull feels like Woodward has hit it on the drop from thirty yards and you are fighting the need to vomit your hoop up so you are inside out. But you have to mate with this female who is equally trashed, because in an hour, the maid will be knocking on the door to change the sheets you've left chocolate kisses on and pretty soon a lake of hot cod yoghurt. And you can't recall where your wallet is.

And you don't even know her fucking name. She says she sings and stuff. Wevs.

pommpey

Bugger, hoping for threesome with the maid.

 

[Champagneblade]

Melanie Sykes is top end aged female. Still pretty and charismatic and someone you'd be fucking pleased to be stepping out with and knowing later on you'd be spuds deep into.

Jenny Powell is similarly gifted in the ageing well department and another one who you'd be hard pushed to kick out of bed because she'd pumped.

Dani Behr was indeed vastly self-aware that many men were waxing their canoes over her. From that period however, I'd have gladly given an undercoat to Katie Puckrick, based upon comments she made in Loaded once about her preferring three minutes of stolen filth in a cupboard over eight hours of slow bump and grind. That appealed to me. I couldn't imagine Dani Behr going back serving fish and chips to customers with jizz running down her leg into her shoe and the stench of cock still in her beard.

pommpey

I think I prefer 'my take' without the football Pommpey. Quality reading

Spoiler, she doesn't look like this now though...

 

[Inter_blade83]

I think I prefer 'my take' without the football Pommpey. Quality reading

I think a thread entitled "pommpeys 90s women mumblings" is a winner for General chat.

Remember the sexy birds thread on blades mad? Lol

 

[pommpey]

At what point do I remind you that you now represent the family YouTube channel 'The Sheff United Way'?

That's not me.

Pommpey on here and pommpey on there are two different people!

pommpey (S24SU)

 

[Bell4]

At what point do I remind you that you now represent the family YouTube channel 'The Sheff United Way'?

This thread is becoming like a full series of Would I lie to you ?

 

[Bell4]

She was dangerously humpable. She looked like a world of chaos, one of those of whom many will have said, 'the mad ones are the best fucks'.

Sure, she'd give you two falls, two submissions or a knockout and your helmet would possibly look like a returning Apollo Command Module capsule, all burnt and wrecked and covered in scars. And you'd possibly be limping a bit and she'd possibly have taken a hefty chomp at your earlobe, lower lip, right nipple, one of your toes or your nutbag. She may be one for whom 'experimental' means one notch more unsafe, undesirable and unsavoury than pegging. And she'd laugh, take pictures and keep a journal on her 'work', possibly to jill herself off over afterwards. She possibly uses Tinder to profile victims too.

My take: 10/10: MotM

pommpey

I wanted all that with Penelope Keith

 

[pommpey]

I wanted all that with Penelope Keith

Y'see ... yeah ... but the full on wonderment of the supremely cute Felicity Kendal in dungarees covered in cowshit was more hornworthy to me.

Penelope Keith would possibly masturbate you with Marigolds on in an apron and stout shoes with a tissue at the ready, Felicity would be in and amongst the compost heap, wellies still on, dungers-down rutting like inbred peasants with a clumper like a badger's back, soil and arisings in her headscarf. Afterwards you'd lay there in the sludge drinking nettle wine and smoking a fuck off joint speaking like a pirate.

When is the international break over?

pommpey

 

[Bell4]

Y'see ... yeah ... but the full on wonderment of the supremely cute Felicity Kendal in dungarees covered in cowshit was more hornworthy to me.

Penelope Keith would possibly masturbate you with Marigolds on in an apron and stout shoes with a tissue at the ready, Felicity would be in and amongst the compost heap, wellies still on, dungers-down rutting like inbred peasants with a clumper like a badger's back, soil and arisings in her headscarf. Afterwards you'd lay there in the sludge drinking nettle wine and smoking a fuck off joint speaking like a pirate.

When is the international break over?

pommpey

Fkin soon
Pls

 

[Champagneblade]

That's John Charles (ask yer grandad) over there, said my mam as we 'enjoyed' a day at Wetherby races.
As a 5 year old I was clueless, but armed with a biro and bookies betting card, I was encouraged to ask for his autograph.
I got to him and was terrified by the sheer size of this suntanned giant. He duly signed and 65 years later I still can't find that chuffin autograph book I stuck the card into

More Ray Charles than John Charles then!

 

[Alan Birchenall's hair]

I wanted all that with Penelope Keith

Funny what gets the old corpuscles coursing through your semi. Deborah Meaden does it for me. Yes really. (I'll get me coat....)

 

[Champagneblade]

She was dangerously humpable. She looked like a world of chaos, one of those of whom many will have said, 'the mad ones are the best fucks'.

Sure, she'd give you two falls, two submissions or a knockout and your helmet would possibly look like a returning Apollo Command Module capsule, all burnt and wrecked and covered in scars. And you'd possibly be limping a bit and she'd possibly have taken a hefty chomp at your earlobe, lower lip, right nipple, one of your toes or your nutbag. She may be one for whom 'experimental' means one notch more unsafe, undesirable and unsavoury than pegging. And she'd laugh, take pictures and keep a journal on her 'work', possibly to jill herself off over afterwards. She possibly uses Tinder to profile victims too.

My take: 10/10: MotM

pommpey

If Roger Mellie got hold of Google translate I think 'my take' is the resultant lovechild

 

[RedandWhite]

I once waved at Lee Williamson, he didn't wave back

 

[Champagneblade]

I wanted all that with Penelope Keith

She's 81 mate..you'll have to take it steady!

 

[PageHallBlade]

i used to work at SUFC on the bars so i came across quite a few of the players over the years and all of the anecdotes are incredibly mundane

I stole Keith Curles mug after he left it in the Platinum suite i still have it

i once had to work one of the charity ex players do (Johnny quinn allstars) and emlyn hughes was playing and after the match they all came upstairs and emlyn told me to take it easy and proceded to help himself to the free bar and pour all the other players drinks my boss came in and gave me a bollocking and emlyn told my gaffer to leave me alone and stop acting like a twat.

john wark was in the suite and i just talked about escape to victory he was very nice and realised i wasnt taking the piss said it was one of the best things hed ever done ( drinking with Pele, Michael Caine and Bobby Moore whats not to like)

alan ball was a miserable prick
ditto jack charlton

david holdsworth dad was a bloody lovely bloke

 

[Silent Blade]

Finally, Paulo Di Canio in the Republic night club not long after he signed for them. He was very approachable. Seemed like a nice bloke (apart from being a facist). Told him he should have signed for us. He just nodded his head...

I read in the Green Un that Di Canio's daughter supported the Blades because most of her schoolfriends were Blades

 

[sunny_jimbob]

i used to work at SUFC on the bars so i came across quite a few of the players over the years and all of the anecdotes are incredibly mundane

I stole Keith Curles mug after he left it in the Platinum suite i still have it

i once had to work one of the charity ex players do (Johnny quinn allstars) and emlyn hughes was playing and after the match they all came upstairs and emlyn told me to take it easy and proceded to help himself to the free bar and pour all the other players drinks my boss came in and gave me a bollocking and emlyn told my gaffer to leave me alone and stop acting like a twat.

john wark was in the suite and i just talked about escape to victory he was very nice and realised i wasnt taking the piss said it was one of the best things hed ever done ( drinking with Pele, Michael Caine and Bobby Moore whats not to like)

alan ball was a miserable prick
ditto jack charlton

david holdsworth dad was a bloody lovely bloke

Having just read through all of pommpey's musings, I'd appreciate it if you could rephrase "so I came across quite a few..."

 

[Silent Blade]

That's John Charles (ask yer grandad) over there, said my mam as we 'enjoyed' a day at Wetherby races.
As a 5 year old I was clueless, but armed with a biro and bookies betting card, I was encouraged to ask for his autograph.
I got to him and was terrified by the sheer size of this suntanned giant. He duly signed and 65 years later I still can't find that chuffin autograph book I stuck the card into

Same to me at Palace in 1971 when my dad spotted Tony Mercer a few rows from us. encouraged me to get him to sign my programme. I had no idea who he was but he cheerfully signed his autograph on my programme. Coming back to my dad, I asked him "who is he?". "Tony Mercer from the black and white minstrel show" was the reply. No wonder I didnt recognise him!

 

[Bell4]

She's 81 mate..you'll have to take it steady!

Love em young

 

[Bell4]

Funny what gets the old corpuscles coursing through your semi. Deborah Meaden does it for me. Yes really. (I'll get me coat....)

Im out