United's managerial recruitment

[JJ Sefton]

United: Are you a football manager?

Applicant: Yes

United: Are you fucking useless?

Applicant: Yes

United: Is your name Nigel?

Applicant: Yes

United: When can you start?

 

[Jon Bon]

Don't mock. We've got Nigel Worthington to get through yet before we even get to Pearson.

 

[JJ Sefton]

Don't mock. We've got Nigel Worthington to get through yet before we even get to Pearson.

 

[Deleted member 875]

United: Are you a football manager?

Applicant: Yes

United: Are you fucking useless?

Applicant: Yes

United: Is your name Nigel?

Applicant: Yes

United: When can you start?

What would happen if the applicant answered No to the first question?

 

[JJ Sefton]

What would happen if the applicant answered No to the first question?

Skip to question 4.

 

[Tyler Durden]

I understand we've approached Nigel Mansell in the past few hours.
Nigel Havers and Nigel Benn both ruled themselves out earlier this week.

Nigel Planer who played Neil in The Young Ones is reportedly also interested however.

 

[Dkc]

Don't rule out Nigella Lawson

 

[Highbury_Blade]

I understand we've approached Nigel Mansell in the past few hours.
Nigel Havers and Nigel Benn both ruled themselves out earlier this week.

Nigel Planer who played Neil in The Young Ones is reportedly also interested however.

Nigel Farage is extremely interested as we we won't have anything to do with Europe for the duration of his remaining life.

 

[Tyler Durden]

Nigel Farage is extremely interested as we we won't have anything to do with Europe for the duration of his remaining life.

And in a few years time we will also fail to win at Thanet

 

[BushBlade]

I'm going to apply on the basis that although I've never been paid to play football and I've never managed a football team my old company sent me on numerous managerial courses, usually based on some bullshit inclusivity/motivational research done by MIT or Harvard and that I'm fluent in managerial bullshit.

I think the players should be allowed to flex more and be given autonomy in order to further develop their emotional intelligence. This should increase their creativity and productivity particularly in midfield where conflicting personality types are stifling each other's flow.
I think it might be a good idea to have a break out area in the training ground where they can grab a coffee, interact and bounce ideas of each other. We also need to look at how we carry out performance reviews as I think our benchmarking procedures are too subjective and don't include enough metrics.

 

[super_pig]

I'm going to apply on the basis that although I've never been paid to play football and I've never managed a football team my old company sent me on numerous managerial courses, usually based on some bullshit inclusivity/motivational research done by MIT or Harvard and that I'm fluent in managerial bullshit.

I think the players should be allowed to flex more and be given autonomy in order to further develop their emotional intelligence. This should increase their creativity and productivity particularly in midfield where conflicting personality types are stifling each other's flow.
I think it might be a good idea to have a break out area in the training ground where they can grab a coffee, interact and bounce ideas of each other. We also need to look at how we carry out performance reviews as I think our benchmarking procedures are too subjective and don't include enough metrics.

now that's blue sky thinking

 

[Barry Blunt]

Don't rule out Nigella Lawson

At least you'd have a couple of good options up top, and might be tighter at the back.

 

[Bladesince59]

What would happen if the applicant answered No to the first question?

He'd still get the job if his name was Nigel

 

[Bladesince59]

I'm going to apply on the basis that although I've never been paid to play football and I've never managed a football team my old company sent me on numerous managerial courses, usually based on some bullshit inclusivity/motivational research done by MIT or Harvard and that I'm fluent in managerial bullshit.

I think the players should be allowed to flex more and be given autonomy in order to further develop their emotional intelligence. This should increase their creativity and productivity particularly in midfield where conflicting personality types are stifling each other's flow.
I think it might be a good idea to have a break out area in the training ground where they can grab a coffee, interact and bounce ideas of each other. We also need to look at how we carry out performance reviews as I think our benchmarking procedures are too subjective and don't include enough metrics.

they don't include enough "goals" either