Sean the Blade
Member
Ducking under Johnson’s flailing elbows he delicately touched the ball, and pivoted a full 360 degrees around it. Again Johnson struck out with the arm joint, only to be met with a steely forehead. The Jamaican collapsed in pain clutching his broken arm.
A short push with the outside of the boot and a drop of the shoulder were enough to wrong foot the stranded keeper, as he slotted home his third goal in style.
Bywater looked on in awe as the hat-trick ball was collected from the back of the net and paraded it in front of the massive, shocked, Wednesday faithful. Taunting them he kissed three fingers and raised them in the air as he peeled away and ran towards the technical area.
He gently cupped Megson’s face in his hands, grinned, then jogged to his own understudy, Danny Wilson “THAT’S ow you do it!” he winked at the former Owl who was overcome with admiration for the man who had retired and come back even better.
His attention turned to the Kop, how he would have loved to have finished his hat-trick in front of HIS fans “BRIAN” clap-clap-clap “BRIAN” clap-clap-clap, the Kop chanted, on their feet, as one, Brian closed his eyes and soaked up the atmosphere.
“Brian… Brian… BRIAN!!! Wake up! It’s time for your meds!”
“Wha… Wha… Where am I?.. I were at The Lane, playing for You-neye-ted”
“Another hat-trick?”
“Yes, were you there?”
“No, you’ve been dreaming again Brian love, it’s the pink tablet that does that, the one you have before you go to sleep”
“Oh, and what’s the blue one for?”
“That’s Viagra Brian, it stops you rolling out of bed!”
Sadness took away the sheen from Brian’s eyes, he kept turning the game over in his head “I was the player manager, me, I had Wilson as my number two, I was teaching him how to do the job, and showing him how to play the game, honest, I was nurse”.
“Brian you’re just confused”
“No I’m not nurse”
“Yes you are sweetie… I’m not a nurse, I’m just the Trident, work experience girl, now hurry up and take your tablets, I’ve got to get the drugs cabinet key back to Matron”
Brian lay back, his mind a mixture of false memories and anti-psychotic drugs, and his blood a mixture of passion and Sildenafil.
Brian, slipped the phone-card from inside his pillowcase and made his way to the payphone. Looking left and right for anyone who may be following him, he inserted the card and dialled… “Hello Alf, it’s Brian, I hope you’re listening, cos I’ve got message for you. Go into my house, into the cupboard under the stairs. Under the carpet, set into the floor, there’s a safe, the combination is 1-8-8-9. Open it and inside there’s a key to a left luggage locker at Sheffield Midland station. Use it. Inside the locker you’ll find another key. That’s the key to my garage. Go to the garage and get my… Football boots”
“I’ll tell you what Brian, shall I just use the spare key you gave me?”
“Aye, but don’t forget my boots, I’m mekkin a come back, I’ve had an epif… efipan… enipaph… a vision, You-neye-ted need me!”
“Ohhh Brian, why don’t…” The phone clicked dead, leaving Alf stranded on the end of the line. He sighed and reached for his keys.
“Thanks for that Seth and here at Bramall Lane Johnson prepares to take a free kick just outside the Wednesday box and… What the… A man, naked apart from a pair of 1970’s football boots has just burst from the South Stand beneath us and pinched the ball from JJ, danced round him, impressive Keith…”
“Yes just look at the size of his KN…”
“OBviously this is some psychiatric patient or something”
“He’s got a good touch though Paul, he’s beaten Bywater, perhaps not a good idea to be parading in front of the women and children in the lower tier of the Bramall Lane stand though, they look horrified…”
“I’m not surprised with that thing waving at them, did his mum lift him out of the pram with it?”
“He’ll not roll out of bed with that Paul, oh, now he’s kissed Megson, and winked at Wilson, who are absolutely dumbfounded”
“And now he’s stood in front of the Kop who are cheering ‘BRIAN’ it couldn’t be, could it Keith?”
“If he’s still alive when that pile of policemen and stewards get off him, maybe we’ll find out”
“Our first caller on Praise or Grumble tonight, is Brian the Blade. Brian did we see you today”
“Never mind that, did my goal stand?”
A short push with the outside of the boot and a drop of the shoulder were enough to wrong foot the stranded keeper, as he slotted home his third goal in style.
Bywater looked on in awe as the hat-trick ball was collected from the back of the net and paraded it in front of the massive, shocked, Wednesday faithful. Taunting them he kissed three fingers and raised them in the air as he peeled away and ran towards the technical area.
He gently cupped Megson’s face in his hands, grinned, then jogged to his own understudy, Danny Wilson “THAT’S ow you do it!” he winked at the former Owl who was overcome with admiration for the man who had retired and come back even better.
His attention turned to the Kop, how he would have loved to have finished his hat-trick in front of HIS fans “BRIAN” clap-clap-clap “BRIAN” clap-clap-clap, the Kop chanted, on their feet, as one, Brian closed his eyes and soaked up the atmosphere.
“Brian… Brian… BRIAN!!! Wake up! It’s time for your meds!”
“Wha… Wha… Where am I?.. I were at The Lane, playing for You-neye-ted”
“Another hat-trick?”
“Yes, were you there?”
“No, you’ve been dreaming again Brian love, it’s the pink tablet that does that, the one you have before you go to sleep”
“Oh, and what’s the blue one for?”
“That’s Viagra Brian, it stops you rolling out of bed!”
Sadness took away the sheen from Brian’s eyes, he kept turning the game over in his head “I was the player manager, me, I had Wilson as my number two, I was teaching him how to do the job, and showing him how to play the game, honest, I was nurse”.
“Brian you’re just confused”
“No I’m not nurse”
“Yes you are sweetie… I’m not a nurse, I’m just the Trident, work experience girl, now hurry up and take your tablets, I’ve got to get the drugs cabinet key back to Matron”
Brian lay back, his mind a mixture of false memories and anti-psychotic drugs, and his blood a mixture of passion and Sildenafil.
Brian, slipped the phone-card from inside his pillowcase and made his way to the payphone. Looking left and right for anyone who may be following him, he inserted the card and dialled… “Hello Alf, it’s Brian, I hope you’re listening, cos I’ve got message for you. Go into my house, into the cupboard under the stairs. Under the carpet, set into the floor, there’s a safe, the combination is 1-8-8-9. Open it and inside there’s a key to a left luggage locker at Sheffield Midland station. Use it. Inside the locker you’ll find another key. That’s the key to my garage. Go to the garage and get my… Football boots”
“I’ll tell you what Brian, shall I just use the spare key you gave me?”
“Aye, but don’t forget my boots, I’m mekkin a come back, I’ve had an epif… efipan… enipaph… a vision, You-neye-ted need me!”
“Ohhh Brian, why don’t…” The phone clicked dead, leaving Alf stranded on the end of the line. He sighed and reached for his keys.
“Thanks for that Seth and here at Bramall Lane Johnson prepares to take a free kick just outside the Wednesday box and… What the… A man, naked apart from a pair of 1970’s football boots has just burst from the South Stand beneath us and pinched the ball from JJ, danced round him, impressive Keith…”
“Yes just look at the size of his KN…”
“OBviously this is some psychiatric patient or something”
“He’s got a good touch though Paul, he’s beaten Bywater, perhaps not a good idea to be parading in front of the women and children in the lower tier of the Bramall Lane stand though, they look horrified…”
“I’m not surprised with that thing waving at them, did his mum lift him out of the pram with it?”
“He’ll not roll out of bed with that Paul, oh, now he’s kissed Megson, and winked at Wilson, who are absolutely dumbfounded”
“And now he’s stood in front of the Kop who are cheering ‘BRIAN’ it couldn’t be, could it Keith?”
“If he’s still alive when that pile of policemen and stewards get off him, maybe we’ll find out”
“Our first caller on Praise or Grumble tonight, is Brian the Blade. Brian did we see you today”
“Never mind that, did my goal stand?”
