Suggest A Shit Show feat. Ex-Blades

[HighfieldBlade]

Houston, We Have A Problem.

Troubleshooting ex-Blade Stuart Houston visits ailing companies in a bid to turn around their fortunes.

 

[Bladepicker]

"Come Done With Me"

Four hopefuls take part in this new dinner party show from Channel 4. The contestants all put in 110% effort, running around the kitchen like blue arsed flies to serve up something impressive, only for none of them to be able to finish their dinner.

 

[Nade]

Sean Bean and his family discuss different toasted bread-related products.

Beans on Toast.

 

[Rodley]

See Montgomery Burns

A community burn an effigy of Nick "Monty" Montgomery in the budget reboot of The Wicker Man.

 

[Deadbat]

Love this thread and some of the suggestions.

 

[Barney]

Is it bad that I just laughed at my own jokes...



The Wallace Way - Direct from the treatment room, this inspiring, entrepreneurial thriller sees James tell his story of how he made his fortune with nothing other than cucumbers on his eyes, and massages on his legs.


Nigel Clough and the Seven Dwarves - In an honest eye opener, Nigel re-lives his dark past, and explains the series of events that led him to his insurmountable obsession with extra small footballers.


Blameless - In an honest and frank documentary, Nigel Clough tells of how Marc McNulty's failure to run the channels cost him his job.

 

[blade.i.am]

Pubic hair styling with John Cutbush and Gary Brazil(Ian)

 

[TJB.]

'First Porter Call' - Chris Porter rustles through his drawer of old mobiles and describes the first call he made on each one.

Episode I features a Nokia 6300 and a conversation with a mediocre Indian restaurant in Motherwell.

 

[TJB.]

Fat Useless Scouse Cunts with Michael Higdon.





Not much effort in that one...I just remembered Higdon and got angry.

 

[Grappler]

Following the poor critical reviews of his most recent turd based series, our hero returns with a new concept.

Wright's fight or flight, the right kites.

This is a panel based quiz show where pictures of birds are prey have to identified. Under each panelist's seat is a hidden box and one contains a real Red Kite. On opening the boxes, the one with the real raptor has a chance to smash it in the mush or do a runner.

Ann Robinson is busy have facial reconstruction works and so a diversion will be set up for 6 months.

Following on from his award winning documentaries, Jake Wright inexplicably gets recruited by the US air force as a test pilot to help kick start man's journey into space. Has this Jake got what it takes?, you bet he has "This Wright's Tough". Starring Jake Wright as Captain Jake Wright, Glen Little as "Chuck", Jose Baxter as Jose de Monteja Castillaro , and the nation's favourite, Mr. Entertainment himself, Nick Montgomery as The President's advisor on space matters and acting head of NASA, General Nick "Monty" Montgomery.

 

[raul]

Lidl by Liddle .

Consumers champion Andy helps you stretch that Xmas budget. With musical interlude by Nicholas Montgomery as Noel Gallagher .

 

[Rodley]

French Kiss - Derek continues study of the art of foreplay. This week...nipples.

 

[Rodley]

Dick & Dong at Da Bungalow - Richard Lucas and Hao Hai Dong host the latest series of the kids breakfast show.

 

[Pierre's PC]

Ancient Aliens. Giorgio and the team discuss the fabled Agana Garter. Could this ancient and mythical relic be the smoking gun that proves Aliens visited our world?

Ancient alien believers think so and point to Dean Hammond who is rumoured to be the current holder of the item and who would often disappear without trace for 90 minutes every Saturday.

 

[Rodley]

Salsa Verde - Pedro teaches various forms of Latin dance in this instructional DVD

 

[Englebert Wincobank]

Brealey Beloved - Forgotten 1980s ITV sitcom starring Reg Brealey as Father Reg.

Co-starring Axel Smeets as the Mayor of Jeddah.

 

[SwissBlade]

Hodges Hedges - Glynn Hodges tours rural England to find the the most suitable nesting location for the common thrush.

Bradders Bradawl - Carl Bradshaw goes back to school to look at the history of woodworking in Schools in the East Anglia region.

Carls Bad Shores - Fresh from his East Anglian adventure, Carl Bradshaw ventures out to Britains seaside resorts late at night to present this no holds barred documentary of drunken violence, alcoholism and drug abuse in hot spots in a bid to clean up the shoreline (may contain swearing)

 

[raul]

Coutts On The Other Foot.

Self help Guru Paul shows you how to get your career back on track.

 

[SwissBlade]

Pembos Porno - Channel 4 presents a look at amateur Porn films with some Hilarious Home made efforts.

Vearts Squirts - Aussie Carl Veart teams up with Richard Hammond for a brand new show featuring Gulf war and Afghanistan veterans reinacting battles from Britains recent military forays replacing real ammo and weaponry with Super Soaker 4000 in a bid to help with PTSD.

Collo follows Swallows - Neil Collins uses his ornothology expertise from the formations of Geese to travel by microlight from Africa to Sheffield alongside a 2 year old African Swallow named Mike.

 

[Cruyff Turn]

Groundhog Day: every day seems just like the last in this sleepy Pennsylvanian town as the Blades face Walsall once again. Starring Don Givens and Billy Sharp as the penalty takers. And featuring Martin Woolford as the sleeping rodent, Pulxatorny Phil.

 

[Compound_Legend]

Porter Field - Follow the exploits of Chris, as he inherits a piece of farmland from an old Scottish ex-pro called Ian. Ably assisted by his good friend Nicholas "Monty" Montgomery.

Starbuck and Tarbuck - knockabout comedy with Phil and Jimmy

Philliskirk on Phillishave - The ex-Blade's appreciation of the male grooming range made by the Philips Company

Too much Hassall - The trials and tribulations of the ex-chairman and the hapless drop from Divisions 2 to 4.

 

[raul]

Clarke's Clarks Clerks.

Fly-on-the-wall specialist Leon takes a sideways look at life in the Accounts department of a Footwear leviathan.

 

[YorkBlade]

Paul McGrath's Top 100 Bubble Baths

 

[Blade for Sale]

Hashimi's Sashimi.

Nearly Blades Chairman Sam shows his knife skills on some raw fish, before turning the blade on his genitalia during the adverts and performing the 2nd half of the show as Samantha.

 

[west_yorks_blade]

Please stop adding to this thread until I've caught up.

Given how many pages there are, it could take a while.

I need to make sure that when I post my hilarious ideas, they haven't already been done.

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

Oh wow, **** me. I've just discovered this gem of a thread. Hilarious.

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

"What are them uns-worth?"

Former Sheffield United, Everton and Wigan fullback David Unsworth takes viewers on a more colloquial valuation journey of family heirlooms, in this relaxed alternative to Antiques Roadshow.

 

[west_yorks_blade]

Oh wow, **** me. I've just discovered this gem of a thread. Hilarious.

I fear we have missed the boat kozzy. Surely every pun for every player ever to wear the shirt has been done by now?

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

Fuck, it's gonna be so hard to catch up on this thread. So, sod it. I'm just gonna post my ideas and hope they haven't been done.

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

Ndlovu Island.

Beautiful, single ladies flock to a tropical island in an attempt to strike up a romance with former Sheffield United forward, Peter Ndlovu.