Suggest A Shit Show feat. Ex-Blades

[SouthEssexBlade]

The Goode Life

Charlie chucks it all in to become self-sufficient and raise livestock in his garden, hilarity at every turn, with Pitsmoor the pig, Fallowfield the fowler and Alan as the cuntry bumpkin. Guest appearance by Nick 'Monty' Montgomery as next door neighbour Margot.

 

[Jinxy1966]

How To Look Good Knackered

Big-boned ex-Blade Michael Higdon reveals the creative editing techniques used on his highlights reel that duped United into signing him.

 

[raul]

Burrows borrows burrows.

Former Posh Eco-warrior teams up with Swampy to help save our Planet by derailing motorway projects.

Featuring Nick Monty Montgomery as Greta.

 

[Rodley]

In the Davy

Spoof drama where former Sheffield United defender Davy Gysbrechts trades the football pitch for the high seas when he enlists in the Belgian Navy. But with a strict training programme administered by merciless Petty Officer Nick “Monty” Montgomery, will Seaman Davy struggle to stay afloat?

 

[DifferentClass]

Not so much starring ex-Blades but I would pay good moneh to hear Chris "pelanty" Waddle interview Kenny Lunt.

 

[William Large]

The Price is Wright.

Vertically challenged, baldy Alan Wright hosts a series of Car Boot sales across his native Lancashire. He invites customers to guess the correct price of one item of tat per boot in an attempt to win said item for free.

All is going well until the contestant Kenny ‘Don’t call me Lenny Kunt’ Lunt approaches the boot of a Vauxhall Nova SRi and makes what initially seems to an outrageous guess at a piece of nonsense pottery he has taken a fancy to.

Wright reluctantly concedes that Lenny has actually correctly guessed the price and is about to hand over his prize.

Unbeknownst to them, the owner of the Nova is none other than Nick ‘Monty’ Montgomery who immediately recognises Lenny, leaps in the drivers seat, slams it in reverse and runs the piggy bastard over, smashing all the contents of the car boot in the process.

All the audience cheer loudly for our red and white heroes, whilst Lenny (much like his career) slinks off back into non existence and is never heard from again.

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

Brazil in Brazil.

Gary Brazil goes on a giant tour of Brazil, and makes a TV show to rival "Wish You Were Here".

Highlights of his trip include.

Rubbing margarine into the buttocks of finely toned Brazilian girls on Copacabana beach.

Meeting a giant sloth in the Amazon with more pace and dynamism than "The Chief".

Seeing Monty playing beach volleyball, effectively running around a lot and being ineffective.

Chomping on his own "Brazil" nuts, and then going to get something to eat.

Last seen trying to track down a pork pie worthy of mentioning on that thread for discerning weirdos.

 

[Spot the Vas]

Ninja Warrior UK with Chris Kamara.

Oh hang on are we talking about made up shows? How about Devlin Does Devon - Follow Paul Devlin traveling around the county of Devon in a homemade budget campervan.

 

[Rodley]

Johnstones Paint Trophies

Imminent Blades signing Mikey Johnstone shows his off trophy cabinet after 15 years of competitive artistry.

 

[Ricardo Mantelban]

Flo rider
Join the former Blades centre forward as he rides his Harley Davidson around the Orange State. En route he bumps into other ex blades such as Nick Monty Montgomery.

 

[diode_blade]

How to be a Womble
Alan Cork, especially when he rips through a load of pigs.

 

[Cruyff Turn]

Two Corks Floating in the sea off Cork

Long awaited Irish Tourist Board safety video in which Alan ("No hair and doesn't care") is joined by former Derbyshire and England medium pacer Dominic, to bob amongst the waves in a safe and carefree manner. Featuring the New American Owners as The Incoming Storm

 

[Sean Thornton]

The Survivor

Starring Stephen Bettis

 

[Sean Thornton]

Not all Blades but meh…..

The Wicker Man

Pitsmoor Pig reminisces about straighteners in the Big Gun



Partridge Family

With Rob Staton, Danny Hall, Jimmy Ramble. Introducing Girona Ethxpat and starring Alan Biggs.




Enter the Dragon

“Monty” Nick Montgomerys sometimes hilarious sometimes dark look at a senior Blades lunch. (May contain nuts).


All that jizz

The mothers of SiJ and Alan Harper discuss their sons socks at the laundrette


The Long Goodbye

Owner of a football club can’t decide whether to sell up or not. Stars Prince, Ice Cube, Mester Chansiri, Charlton Palmer, Charlton Athletic and Carl and Liam Leighton.

 

[I should coco]

Johnstones Paint Trophies

Imminent Blades signing Mikey Johnstone shows his off trophy cabinet after 15 years of competitive artistry.

Johnstones Pint Trophies

Legendary Scots winger, Jinky Jimmy, shows off a variety of pint pots he used, to drink his whisky from.

Episode One will reveal the pre-match pot, and Nick 'Monty' Montgomery, will do the Arthur Ellis role, by filling it with a pint of green fluid, to prove it meets Weights and Measures laws.

Episode Two moves on to jug handled pot he had his half time whisky in. Nick 'Monty' Montgomery appears in a background shot, using Derek Guyler's old brush to sweep the dressing room floor.

Episode Three is a straight pint pot, for the after match loss in the player's lounge. Look out for Nick 'Monty ' Montgomery, playing Tom Cruise. From behind the bar, he invents a wonderful haggis cocktail for Eddie Colquhoun and a leek based one for Trevor Hockey.

Episode Four is a studio based discussion, where various posters completely miss the point of artistic licence and moan that the above did not play in the same team. Nick 'Monty' Montgomery does not feature, due to a prior Hollywood commitment.

 

[The Crab]

Vogt’s Going on

Former Blades keeper Wilko de Vogt gives his take on what’s currently in the news.

This week it’s luxury yacht safety issues and his recipe for the perfect Carrot Cake.

Expert analysis on the current situation in the Ukraine is given by General Nick “Monty” Montgomery who discusses the Ukrainian incursion into Russia and why Frank Lampard thought he was his toughest opponent.

 

[The Crab]

Jonny Ertl’s Magic Turtles

Former Blade Jonny Ertl opens a turtle rescue centre, and learns them magic tricks and the art of card tricks.

Starring Nick Montgomery as Three Card Monty

 

[MKY]

Hattons’ hat’s on. Follically challenged former early 80s striker Bob Hatton strives in his quest to find the perfect titfer.

 

[JOEYDEE]

David Munks...
'History of English Abbeys '

 

[MKY]

Derek Richardson appears on Crackerjacks double or drop. Needless to say he fekin fumbles every single item.

 

[Pintor75]

Pointless, featuring Ollie Norwood!

 

[elgoog44]

Rita, Sue and Simon Tracey too, a remake of the classic film, with Simon Tracey in the place of Bob, watch as Simon Tracey as he fumbles about while all on the pretense its looking for the ball!

New Remake Film - Downsizing - staring prince Abdullah bin Mosaad Al Saud, follow him on a journey to find a new EFL club to spoil with his partial wealth.

Another green lighted remake, A cure for wellness, staring Paddy Kenny as an unwitting patient who had no idea what the Cough Medicine could do, his life spirals and ends up going from the north of england to a small suburb of London. (Never seen the real Film so no idea what it was about!)

 

[The Fox]

Kyle Walkers -" Don't tell the bride"

You can make the plot up yourselves !

And it doesn't feature Monty .

 

[DifferentClass]

Kyle Walkers -" Don't tell the bride"

You can make the plot up yourselves !

And it doesn't feature Monty .

"It's a Cock Out", also starring Kyle Walker with a guest appearance by Neil Shipperley!

 

[The Crab]

Jags Jag

Former Blade Phil Jagielka try’s his hand at buying cars at auction. His first attempt goes very wrong when he puts his hand up at the wrong time and buys a 1986 Jag that could charitably be called “fucked”

 

[The Crab]

At Home with the Carcrashians

Reality show where some of the worst ex blades move in together.

Phil Thompson constantly reminds everyone that he used to play for liverpool

Lee Baxter paints a wall but can only finish the first half.

Neil Collins points and blames everyone else when mishaps occur in the house.

Paul Williams repeatedly tries to hit a cows arse with a banjo.

Ex manager Micky Adams tries a foot spa but is completely out of his depth

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

"It's a Cock Out", also starring Kyle Walker with a guest appearance by Neil Shipperley!

Can you imagine Ships with his toad out, rattling it furiously whilst sweating profusely. Jesus what a hideous sight that would be!

 

[DifferentClass]

At Home with the Carcrashians

Reality show where some of the worst ex blades move in together.

Phil Thompson constantly reminds everyone that he used to play for liverpool

Lee Baxter paints a wall but can only finish the first half.

Neil Collins points and blames everyone else when mishaps occur in the house.

Paul Williams repeatedly tries to hit a cows arse with a banjo.

Ex manager Micky Adams tries a foot spa but is completely out of his depth

Also starring Dean Hammond... apparently.

 

[William Large]

The Scarecrow and Marlon King.

Disgraced ex footballer, prolific ‘fiddler’ and all round wrong ‘un Marlon King, tries his hand at Scarecrow making, in an attempt to curry favour with local farmers in an East Anglian community.

He soon makes a name for himself with a successful range of bird scarers, impressing said farmers with their increased yield.

Matters eventually take a turn for the worst however, when local bobby PC Nick ‘Monty’ Montgomery, cycles past a wheat field and finds a drunken Marlon in a compromising position with an attractive but visibly distressed female scarecrow.

As if to further prove that leopards don’t change their spots, the embarrassed, pie eyed, Marlon legs it to a nearby barn, nicks the farmer’s new Massey Ferguson and crashes it into the village church.

 

[William Large]

Itch Ward with Mitch Ward - Mitch talks to sufferers of extreme skin conditions in the UK's largest Dermatology Ward.

Re reading this thread and missed this pearler first time round.