Some brilliant stuff here...

[GreasyChipBeattie]

...apologies if posted before, but well worth another look even if it has!

http://soccerlens.com/funny-quotes-by-football-managers/1203/

 

[Bert]

It's a shame that they can't spell Shankly properly.

 

[Bladesman]

I remember that Jasper Carrott line about Hoddle.

 

[bertieblade]

Gordon strachan, when asked by a reporter for a quick word, replied :- velocity

 

[grafikhaus]

When the pigs signed Dalian Atkinson, a reporter asked Big Ron:

"Any relation, Ron?". Adkinson replied
"Have you seen him?"

Terry Venables as England manager:

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored."

 

[bertieblade]

John Francis signed for United and had never met Bassett.
Geoff Taylor told him to go to assetts house to introduce himself
Francis knocked on the front door and Bassett said what can I do for you, Taylor explained he had just signed for United etc. And Taylor had told him to go round, to which Bassett responded oh you have just signed for yes, that's good I thought you had moved in next door.

 

[Tyler Durden]

"He went behind my back right in front of my face"

Craig Bellamy on Graeme Souness.

 

[FTPE]

• Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: Good morning, Bobby. Bryan: You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!

Please let this one be true haha.

 

[Blade56]

The outstanding quotes are Brian Clough's, his were taking the proverbial whereas all the others were gaffs from people trying to sound like they knew what they were talking about. Lmao.

What an amazing character sadly missed by football.

 

[Shalalalafenoughty]

I always liked the one about Bobby Robson:

Reporter (to Shola Ameobi, soon after Ameobi had joined Newcastle): " What does Sir Bobby call you?"

Ameobi: " Er...Carl Cort."

 

[CarlMcBlade]

Remember Atkinson talking about his namesake Dalian to reporters. Don't know if he was playing for Wendy's or Villa. . .
" If the fans start chanting Atkinson out. . . .He'll be gone in a shot"

 

[Sean Thornton]

Big Jack when managing the Republic pinned a team sheet up and his assistant came back to tell him he'd put twelve names on it. Charlton asked Setters who'd told him and he said Tony Cascarino. Tell him he's dropped said Jack.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Gordon strachan, when asked by a reporter for a quick word, replied :- velocity

When Strachan got the Southampton managers position a reporter asked him if he was the right man for the job. "No they should have gone for George Graham, he's much better than me" he replied.

 

[Trigger Blade]

It's a shame that they can't spell Shankly properly.

And Heighway

 

[Sean Thornton]

When Souness took the Liverpool job he held a meeting with all the players and told them there would be some new faces. Beardsley supposedly said "can I have one boss?"

Gazzas Spurs debut Venables told him to put himself about for the first 45 minutes so he could check on his fitness then said he might pull him off at half time. "Great" said Gazza,"we only got an orange at Newcastle"

 

[Sean Thornton]

After a Brum derby Racist Ron walked into the press conference and Ron Saunders was already speaking. "Talking bollocks as usual" shouted Atkinson "just saying what a good manager your are" said Saunders.

 

[Sean Thornton]

A

John Francis signed for United and had never met Bassett.
Geoff Taylor told him to go to assetts house to introduce himself
Francis knocked on the front door and Bassett said what can I do for you, Taylor explained he had just signed for United etc. And Taylor had told him to go round, to which Bassett responded oh you have just signed for yes, that's good I thought you had moved in next door.

Always one of Bassets gentlemans evening jokes along with the one about him and Deano both having the same girls name, Wendy, tattooed on their old man.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Fat Les "I'm taking you out of this division"

 

[PeterNdlovu081]

Most of these quotes are either embellished, attributed to the wrong people or simply made up.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Okay, that's enough fun everyone.

 

[Pierre's PC]

It was fun?

I didn't get the memo

 

[georgebernardshaw]

Big Jack when managing the Republic pinned a team sheet up and his assistant came back to tell him he'd put twelve names on it. Charlton asked Setters who'd told him and he said Tony Cascarino. Tell him he's dropped said Jack.

Cricket, not football - Keith Miller was leading his team out onto the field, when it was pointed out to him that they actually had twelve players

Without even turning round, he said "OK, one of you guys fuck off"

Legend

 

[Guesty]

When Souness took the Liverpool job he held a meeting with all the players and told them there would be some new faces. Beardsley supposedly said "can I have one boss?"

Gazzas Spurs debut Venables told him to put himself about for the first 45 minutes so he could check on his fitness then said he might pull him off at half time. "Great" said Gazza,"we only got an orange at Newcastle"

I always thought that second one was Rodney Marsh and Alf Ramsey.

 

[grafikhaus]

Sir Neil Warnock in his book Made in Sheffield.

Just after 'The Battle of Bramall Lane' when Megson was WBA manager:

"A few days later we played Burnley at our place. Megson and Stan Ternent at Bramall Lane in the space of a week. It's a wonder pest control didn't pop round to deal with the infestation."

 

[1danewhitehouse]

Warnock talking about Megson in his book "I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire".

Rob Kozluk marking Marlon Harewood at a corner on a rainy day - "Marlon, can I take shelter under your lip"

 

[coaxingstar71]

They didn't include one of my favourite Shankly quotes in the 60's when West Ham were allegedly a quality team : "I love playing West Ham, they play great football.... and we always beat them".

 

[BushBlade]

I like Saachi's comment 'of all the unimportant things in life, football is the most important'.
And when asked how he could be a manager when he'd never played 'I didn't realise that to be a jockey you had to have been a horse first'.

 

[Roygbiv]

I once did a blog post on the quotes of Kevin Keegan. At one time I used to carry about a notepad with his best quotes on them for whenever I was feeling down.

https://jimhaginson.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/kevin-keegan/

 

[judge]

John Francis signed for United and had never met Bassett.
Geoff Taylor told him to go to assetts house to introduce himself
Francis knocked on the front door and Bassett said what can I do for you, Taylor explained he had just signed for United etc. And Taylor had told him to go round, to which Bassett responded oh you have just signed for yes, that's good I thought you had moved in next door.

Wasnt that story about brian deane
Basset told it at an after dinner thing in sheffield and some guy kicked off about it in the star the next day as racist

 

[Kenilworth]

I've Got A Yoghurt to Finish
Gordon Strachan allus has a reputation for not suffering fools, gladly - here are a few pearls of wisdom from his media training master class

On losing: "I tried to get the disappointment out of my system by going for a walk. I ended up 17 miles from home and I had to phone my wife, Lesley, to come and pick me up."

Reporter: "Gordon, do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?"
Strachan: "I don't care, I'm Scottish."

On Wayne Rooney: "It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."

Reporter: "Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?"
Strachan: "No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah."

On illness: "Pahars has also caught every virus going except a computer virus and he is probably working on that even now."

Reporter: "There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?"

Strachan: "Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick. Down negative man, down!"

On Agustin Delgado: "I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado."

Reporter: "Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?"

Strachan: "You're spot on. You can read me like a book!"

On being attacked by a Celtic fan while an Aberdeen player: "It's always great fun getting attacked. One of the highlights of my career. The fella who beat me up got fined £100 for that but they had a whip-round in the pub and he got £200!"

On Sir Alex Ferguson: "He used to play tapes of Bill Shankly talking. I remember that and a singer he liked. I don't know who it was but it was crap. He played it on the team bus too, and all the boys hated it. Until one night it got chucked away. If he's still wondering who threw that tape off the bus, it was me. So maybe he was right and I'm not to be trusted."

Reporter: "Is that your best start to a season?"
Strachan: "Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure."

On the press: "People think I've got a problem with the press. Actually I have no problem with the press, but just like in football there are a handful who cause problems because they're disrespectful, they're lazy, and above all - and this is what really gets to me - they haven't worked hard to get there."

Reporter: "Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?"
Strachan: "No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said: 'No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless.’"

On Alex McLeish: "We even competed for the acne cream when we were younger. Obviously, I won that one."

On society: "I’m afraid that this is me getting on my high horse now but we have yob television, yob newspapers, and funny enough whereas it was my mum and dad, school, police, church who used to set the standards, now it's tabloids and yob television who set the standards by which people live."

Reporter: "This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?"
Strachan: "You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there."

On being top of the table: "I'm going home now to get myself a Coca-Cola and a packet of crisps and I'll sit in front of the television and look at the table on Teletext all night."

On Claus Lundekvam: "When he was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue. He's always like that."

Reporter: "You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?" 
Strachan: "I don't take stupid comments lightly either."

Gary Lineker: "So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?"
Strachan: "If I was English I'd top myself."

On his powers of recovery: "Sometimes to go forward you've got to go to the depths of your own personal despair and claw yourself back. From that point, no matter what happens, you know you can do it."

Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"
Strachan: "I don't do impressions”

Reporter: "So Gordon, any changes then?"
Strachan: "Naw, still 5ft 6", ginger and a big nose."

On Eric Cantona: "If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he’s called a philosopher. I’d just be called a short Scottish bum talking crap."

Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?"
Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there…"