Shall i sign for SUFC ?

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beightonblade

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Perhaps this is why we have trouble attracting players to BDTBL :eek:
(posted by woodwardfan on another Blades forum)

Well I'm a bright prospect and have just been to Bramall Lane and been offered £6k a week. That's a couple of grand less than other clubs have mentioned but I thought I'd go for a look.

First I was shown the ground and Academy/ Training Ground by this bloke called Birch who was all smiles, a bit smarmy, but OK. He talked of some global vision and big investment some time in the future.

I was then introduced to two ageing blokes called Leening and Ellis. They didn't really look like sportsmen,more like pensioners, overweight and ugly really, and it was hard to understand what they do. Nevertheless we had a cup of tea together. Ellis talked a bit about Sheffield Wednesday and his playing days. Leening seemed more interested in listening to radio or something on an earpiece. I asked about Sheffield United but both said the main man would be the only one who could describe his vision. I asked about Gary Speed but he was away on media duty at the World Cup apparently. They prepared me for my audience with the manager by warning me he was " under a lot of pressure" and in the middle of some important sales of players. " Try not to provoke him" they advised.

Eventually Mr Blackwell sent for me. I was shown to his office and he was busy on the phone and beckoned me to sit down. I couldn't help but hear him say to Mr Laws that he had to sell Billy Sharp before he could sign anybody and yes £800k would be great, but could Burnley pretend it's £2m or Sheffield fans would not understand.

While I was waiting I had a good look at Mr. Blackwell. He was wearing a suit and looked more like an office clerk to be honest. He was overweight and it was hard to imagine him in a tracksuit. He looked stressed and worried and rather prickly even with Mr Laws. When he signed off with Laws he said "you know him better than me brian, I just don't understand the little knowall".

When he put the phone down he smiled awkwardly like Gordon Brown and welcomed me. He talked of United being a massive club with great potential. He presumed I had heard that United were a hoofball team but assured me that was in the past. "No " he said " we are developing a new way of playing and are learning together." Yes it would take time but the Chairmen had told him he had as long as he liked as long as he worked within a budget. He went on to say that I would fit in nicely as long as I could learn to play out of position and live with the pressure. The fans are demanding at the Lane he said and didn't suffer fools gladly. "Call a spade a f'ing shovel these northerers you know". He had to admit that his style of management was "old school. sergeant major appoach". He expressed regret that Gary Speed was not around to give me a " younger man's" image of the club.

He asked me if I could handle pressure and I said yes there was real pressure in League 2 at the bottom of the League. He asked me if I could handle a "#ollocking" in front of a big crowd and I said I thought I would be able to.

He asked if I had any questions so I asked if he had a history of success but before he could answer his mobile rang- somebody called Neil who seemed to irritate him no end. He said he would ring him back and showed me out of the door.

I let myself out of the ground and had time to reflect as I stood in the car park looking at the main stand. To be honest I felt a sadness about a club that must have had some great days, in fact my dad says they had a good team in the 70's when he was a lad. My main impression had been that the management team were an odd assortment. Two were laid back and not really that inspiring and the manager was up tight and stressed. He obviously had great ambition but was struggling to get across his philosophies and beliefs. All of them seemed to talk mostly about problems rather than solutions to be honest.


As I travelled home I thought of the wonderful ground and facilities and was undecided. I remembered I knew a player so I wondered if he would tell me what the manager was like. When I rang he said he was signing for another club that week. He said the manager was a hard taskmaster and ambitious. He had been assured and confident in his early days but had lost his way and was now trying to change the playing style and didn't have the first clue. His tactical awareness had been suspect all through but his "up and at'em approach " had worked well initially. Morale at the club was low. Any player on contract was being asked to take a pay cut in exchange for a longer deal. Nobody knew what the squad waould be for next season but it appeared the manager's job was fireproof, the only constant in fact. He said the fans were great if they saw the players putting in 100% but these days they had started to demand better football, hence the manager's dilema. I thanked him and wished him well in London.

I've decide to go to Derby. Their manager seemed more tuned in to the modern game. I know it's a gamble but Derby seem to be building whereas United seem all over the place. I'll watch their progress from down the road and wonder whether I made the right decision. In the meantime I'll invest the extra £2k a week I'm getting.
 

Why would he be introduced to someone no longer working for the club? :)
 
Perhaps this is why we have trouble attracting players to BDTBL :eek:
(posted by woodwardfan on another Blades forum)

Well I'm a bright prospect and have just been to Bramall Lane and been offered £6k a week. That's a couple of grand less than other clubs have mentioned but I thought I'd go for a look.

First I was shown the ground and Academy/ Training Ground by this bloke called Birch who was all smiles, a bit smarmy, but OK. He talked of some global vision and big investment some time in the future.

I was then introduced to two ageing blokes called Leening and Ellis. They didn't really look like sportsmen,more like pensioners, overweight and ugly really, and it was hard to understand what they do. Nevertheless we had a cup of tea together. Ellis talked a bit about Sheffield Wednesday and his playing days. Leening seemed more interested in listening to radio or something on an earpiece. I asked about Sheffield United but both said the main man would be the only one who could describe his vision. I asked about Gary Speed but he was away on media duty at the World Cup apparently. They prepared me for my audience with the manager by warning me he was " under a lot of pressure" and in the middle of some important sales of players. " Try not to provoke him" they advised.

Eventually Mr Blackwell sent for me. I was shown to his office and he was busy on the phone and beckoned me to sit down. I couldn't help but hear him say to Mr Laws that he had to sell Billy Sharp before he could sign anybody and yes £800k would be great, but could Burnley pretend it's £2m or Sheffield fans would not understand.

While I was waiting I had a good look at Mr. Blackwell. He was wearing a suit and looked more like an office clerk to be honest. He was overweight and it was hard to imagine him in a tracksuit. He looked stressed and worried and rather prickly even with Mr Laws. When he signed off with Laws he said "you know him better than me brian, I just don't understand the little knowall".

When he put the phone down he smiled awkwardly like Gordon Brown and welcomed me. He talked of United being a massive club with great potential. He presumed I had heard that United were a hoofball team but assured me that was in the past. "No " he said " we are developing a new way of playing and are learning together." Yes it would take time but the Chairmen had told him he had as long as he liked as long as he worked within a budget. He went on to say that I would fit in nicely as long as I could learn to play out of position and live with the pressure. The fans are demanding at the Lane he said and didn't suffer fools gladly. "Call a spade a f'ing shovel these northerers you know". He had to admit that his style of management was "old school. sergeant major appoach". He expressed regret that Gary Speed was not around to give me a " younger man's" image of the club.

He asked me if I could handle pressure and I said yes there was real pressure in League 2 at the bottom of the League. He asked me if I could handle a "#ollocking" in front of a big crowd and I said I thought I would be able to.

He asked if I had any questions so I asked if he had a history of success but before he could answer his mobile rang- somebody called Neil who seemed to irritate him no end. He said he would ring him back and showed me out of the door.

I let myself out of the ground and had time to reflect as I stood in the car park looking at the main stand. To be honest I felt a sadness about a club that must have had some great days, in fact my dad says they had a good team in the 70's when he was a lad. My main impression had been that the management team were an odd assortment. Two were laid back and not really that inspiring and the manager was up tight and stressed. He obviously had great ambition but was struggling to get across his philosophies and beliefs. All of them seemed to talk mostly about problems rather than solutions to be honest.


As I travelled home I thought of the wonderful ground and facilities and was undecided. I remembered I knew a player so I wondered if he would tell me what the manager was like. When I rang he said he was signing for another club that week. He said the manager was a hard taskmaster and ambitious. He had been assured and confident in his early days but had lost his way and was now trying to change the playing style and didn't have the first clue. His tactical awareness had been suspect all through but his "up and at'em approach " had worked well initially. Morale at the club was low. Any player on contract was being asked to take a pay cut in exchange for a longer deal. Nobody knew what the squad waould be for next season but it appeared the manager's job was fireproof, the only constant in fact. He said the fans were great if they saw the players putting in 100% but these days they had started to demand better football, hence the manager's dilema. I thanked him and wished him well in London.

I've decide to go to Derby. Their manager seemed more tuned in to the modern game. I know it's a gamble but Derby seem to be building whereas United seem all over the place. I'll watch their progress from down the road and wonder whether I made the right decision. In the meantime I'll invest the extra £2k a week I'm getting.

BB - this is clearly pure fiction.

What is your reason for posting it on here?
 
At least read his post

(posted by woodwardfan on another Blades forum)
 
I think it's a really funny, light hearted satire of what is going on at the Lane at the moment. Of course it is fictional. It is meant for a bit of a laugh, but also to get people thinking.

Good work BB.
 
>BB - this is clearly pure fiction
GERRAWAY! sense of humour failure perhaps?.. i thought it was rather good actually :-()
 

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