Make a outlandish prediction for next season

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pommpey said:
Okay. Here's the reality.

In a week or so we will confirm someone like McDermott is our new manager, straight outta fucking nowhere. McCabe will do a press conference with him, declaring it to be a 'new era for Sheffield United' and 'our aim continues to be the fight for automatic promotion to the Championship and Premiership status by 2020'. Murphy will be sold for an undiscosed sum of £250,000 (paid in instalments, only fully paid if we beat Barcelona in the Champions League final by five clear goals from open play in the second half of extra time (on a Wednesday)) and we will sign two Barry Oddnobs (one carrying a long term injury), one from Milwall and one from Torquay United. The pre-season will be uninspiring and pallid with one draw and two losses. First real game will be against Peterborough on Sky and United will field practically the same team as in the second playoff game against Swindon in a modified 4-5-1 with Coutts trying his best to emulate Murphy. We'll end up pegged back in our own half for long stretches but will still endure and emerge with a pleasing 2-1 defeat to which posters on here will laud the new manager and slag anyone off with the age-old 'give him time' hackneyed old bollocks.

Six games in and we will have four points, with one solitary win. We'll be out of the League Cup and 17th. The transfer period will be long shut and most rational minds will be asking 'what has changed?' and 'what was the point in sacking Clough?' There may even be a panic loanee brought in who turns out to be absolutely sloppy-shit and is dropped to disappear without trace. All sorts of midfield shenanighans will be tried which will leave people even looking back with fondness at Alex Notman and Nick Montgomery.

By Christmas we will be two points (but four places) behind the equal-but-behind-on-goal-difference) fourth playoff spot and the 'Sack McDermott' calls will begin. The big hope will be the JTW where all sorts of half arsed promises will be made by the board, resulting in Basham sold and Done wanting out. Brayford will get injured two matches after returning to spend the rest of the season on the physio's table.

JTW will see two more Barry Oddnobs come in. One of them used to be on the books at City, fourteen years ago. There will be rumours of Michael Brown coming back to the Lane. Yes, the 39 year old midfield dynamo will come back to his beloved Bramall Lane to prop up a dismal midfield. He comes back. On loan with an option to buy. He is sent off in his first game, a 3-2 defeat in the FA Cup at Rotherham.

The rest of the season sees us crawl by our fingernails and teeth into the final playoff spot by virtue of Bradford doing their usual end-of-season kamikaze act. In the playoffs (vs Walsall) we will capitulate at the Bescott 2-0 and draw at the Lane 0-0. Chesterfield will beat them in the final.

McDermott sacked on completion

Happy days

pommpey
Click to expand...
surely that was last season?? ;)
 



we bring in josses giants manager sign ant and dec and score 125 goals
and keith lemon becomes chief scout
and our owner has a rave in the car park
 
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Stephen Quinn is appointed manager, but only on the proviso that he can appoint his own backroom staff and promptly brings in brothers Keith and Alan to act as Chief scouts. The remaining Quinn brothers are appointed to run the academy and Pinchy is brought in as Assistant Manager to show is glee at the return of the Ginger Messi.

Quinn's first foray in the transfer market sees the re-signing of Harry Maguie who promptly changes his surname by deedpoll to McGuire to "satisfy all those people on the forum who thought it was my name anyway".

United sign Sepp Blatter and Jack Warner to play up front, but both are subsequently sold after two games when seen spending every evening in the local casino claiming they were only spending their "wages". There is no truth in the rumour that they actually travel around Sheffield in a brown envelope on wheels.

United are knocked out of the FA Cup after a replay by Whitby, drawing 0-0 at home and then 6-6 away, losing 3-0 on penalties.

We go on to finish 7th and miss out on the play offs due to having more red cards than Chesterfield after we are level on points, goal difference, goals for and having drawn both league matches 0-0. We have 75 red cards during the season.

Quin resigns and is replaced by Michael Brown and Paddy Kenny (whatever happened to "joint managers?).
 
A request for a steak pie at half-time will, at long last, NOT be met by a look from the girl behind the counter that suggests I've just shat in her handbag.
 
BusheyBlade said:
Stephen Quinn is appointed manager, but only on the proviso that he can appoint his own backroom staff and promptly brings in brothers Keith and Alan to act as Chief scouts. The remaining Quinn brothers are appointed to run the academy and Pinchy is brought in as Assistant Manager to show is glee at the return of the Ginger Messi.

Quinn's first foray in the transfer market sees the re-signing of Harry Maguie who promptly changes his surname by deedpoll to McGuire to "satisfy all those people on the forum who thought it was my name anyway".

United sign Sepp Blatter and Jack Warner to play up front, but both are subsequently sold after two games when seen spending every evening in the local casino claiming they were only spending their "wages". There is no truth in the rumour that they actually travel around Sheffield in a brown envelope on wheels.

United are knocked out of the FA Cup after a replay by Whitby, drawing 0-0 at home and then 6-6 away, losing 3-0 on penalties.

We go on to finish 7th and miss out on the play offs due to having more red cards than Chesterfield after we are level on points, goal difference, goals for and having drawn both league matches 0-0. We have 75 red cards during the season.

Quin resigns and is replaced by Michael Brown and Paddy Kenny (whatever happened to "joint managers?).
Click to expand...
Sounds plausible but I would add one of their penalties was later accredited to Simmo's ball coming out of orbit and dropping in the goal.
 
Sitwell and Harry's Game will elope to Dublin and marry in a same sex marriage. Pinchy will be best man.
 
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Ill give it 3 winless games (draws or defeats) before some prick who knows better is calling for the new managers head !!

UTB.
 
After knock backs from all the managers on our list, and with two weeks to go before the season starts we tap up Dean Saunders, after going to Arbitration and uncertainty we pay Chesterfield £2 million in compensation. Just in time, he is led out onto the new pitch just before the Season kick-off at Bramall Lane v Wigan to sign the contract on a trestle table in the centre circle. We lose 3-0.

Unfortunately, the opening fixture list is as follows Wigan (H) ; Millwall (A) ; Doncaster (A) ; Barnsley (H) and Swindon (A) – we lose all of them and are sat at the bottom of the League. The sixth game is at Chesterfield, Saunders is sent to the stand after a punch-up on the touchline. We lose 6 - 1 . Saunders is sacked the following Monday.
 
We storm the League under a new manager and even Sitwell admits I was right about Clough
 



We won't sign Parkinson.

I WIN

Not
 
pommpey said:
Okay. Here's the reality.

In a week or so we will confirm someone like McDermott is our new manager, straight outta fucking nowhere. McCabe will do a press conference with him, declaring it to be a 'new era for Sheffield United' and 'our aim continues to be the fight for automatic promotion to the Championship and Premiership status by 2020'. Murphy will be sold for an undiscosed sum of £250,000 (paid in instalments, only fully paid if we beat Barcelona in the Champions League final by five clear goals from open play in the second half of extra time (on a Wednesday)) and we will sign two Barry Oddnobs (one carrying a long term injury), one from Milwall and one from Torquay United. The pre-season will be uninspiring and pallid with one draw and two losses. First real game will be against Peterborough on Sky and United will field practically the same team as in the second playoff game against Swindon in a modified 4-5-1 with Coutts trying his best to emulate Murphy. We'll end up pegged back in our own half for long stretches but will still endure and emerge with a pleasing 2-1 defeat to which posters on here will laud the new manager and slag anyone off with the age-old 'give him time' hackneyed old bollocks.

Six games in and we will have four points, with one solitary win. We'll be out of the League Cup and 17th. The transfer period will be long shut and most rational minds will be asking 'what has changed?' and 'what was the point in sacking Clough?' There may even be a panic loanee brought in who turns out to be absolutely sloppy-shit and is dropped to disappear without trace. All sorts of midfield shenanighans will be tried which will leave people even looking back with fondness at Alex Notman and Nick Montgomery.

By Christmas we will be two points (but four places) behind the equal-but-behind-on-goal-difference) fourth playoff spot and the 'Sack McDermott' calls will begin. The big hope will be the JTW where all sorts of half arsed promises will be made by the board, resulting in Basham sold and Done wanting out. Brayford will get injured two matches after returning to spend the rest of the season on the physio's table.

JTW will see two more Barry Oddnobs come in. One of them used to be on the books at City, fourteen years ago. There will be rumours of Michael Brown coming back to the Lane. Yes, the 39 year old midfield dynamo will come back to his beloved Bramall Lane to prop up a dismal midfield. He comes back. On loan with an option to buy. He is sent off in his first game, a 3-2 defeat in the FA Cup at Rotherham.

The rest of the season sees us crawl by our fingernails and teeth into the final playoff spot by virtue of Bradford doing their usual end-of-season kamikaze act. In the playoffs (vs Walsall) we will capitulate at the Bescott 2-0 and draw at the Lane 0-0. Chesterfield will beat them in the final.

McDermott sacked on completion

Happy days

pommpey
Click to expand...

He said 'outlandish'
 
After 11 rounds of interviewing Jim Phipps states that he can not find a manager confident of getting us promoted with the current crop of players so announces he's going to give managing a shot
 
At the age of 38 Chris Morgan makes a shock return to give the back 4 some bite. Although a little short on pace he is still able to kick the crap out of most League 1 forwards. Wait, maybe not so outlandish.
 
December 11th 2015 Sheffield United sack Nigel Adkins who failed to win a single game in charge, replace him with Karl Robinson who is sacked January 20th 2016 after a miserbale run of form and appoint Phil Parkinson who wins every game in charge and sends the blades up with 54 points.
 
I'm on a 17:21 train back to Newcastle, trying to remember the last two and a half hours.
 
Amusing reading back some of our 'outlandish' predictions 3 months into the season :confused:
 
Predictions for next season. There will be no talk of anal sex on this board.
 



We were so confident, then Gillingham crushed us and it was all downhill. I'm sick of this club. Why is it us that can't get out? Pigs, leeds, saints, Norwich, Leicester all got out ffs.
 
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