Sean the Blade
Member
(in a whiny, annoying Geordie accent) It’s day 98 in the football season, housemates Lee Strafford and Kevin McCabe have been tasked with preparing the World Cup bid for the Big Brother house.
“Right Lee, this is what we should do, ok, we’ll SELL all the other housemates, at bargain basement prices. IF we sell enough of them we should have enough liquid assets to build an extension and patio terrace and increase the capacity of the house. We will still have a few housemates left to perform the household chores, if not we’ll just have to get some temporary agency staff in.
“But Kev, we won’t have enough housemates to fill the extra capacity”
“That’s irrelevant Lee, we want to increase to profile of the house, making it the best house on prime-time tv, even if it means we have to go back to day-time tv to get there.”
“I see your point Kev, but I disagree. What we should do is use whatever capital we have to start reconciling our fiscal liabilities apropos the money we owe to the window cleaner and milkman. Once we have put that contingency into place, I say we contract out our household chores to a third party, thus raising revenue in the short-term and bringing in longer term stability to the domestic asset management framework. This course of action will increase our labour/time resource pool by a commensurate window, allowing us to utilise this elsewhere.
“I don’t understand Lee…”
“We pay the milkman, we pay the window cleaner, we get an au pair in, and use the housemates to mow the lawn, stain the decking so it looks new, paper over the cracks and then charge the housemates extra for using our updated facilities!”
“Right, tell you what, let’s do some planning, you’ve arranged all the building materials haven’t you?”
“Well, I’ve made some tentative approaches to prospective stakeholders, with a view to acquiring materials for the said proposed project, but as I have made clear beforehand, this input is without timescale, and may take an extended period”
“That’s a no then?”
“Er, yes. What about machinery and tools Kev, have we got shovels?”
“I sold ‘em on e-bay, but my lad is gonna get some in on loan”
“Cement mixer?”
“Same”
“Mini digger?”
“Got one!”
“Harrah!”
“But its broken, it’ll be out for weeks, so my lad is gonna bring in a washing machine as cover! You may think that’s inappropriate, but we’re SHORT OF TIME, and WINTER is coming. Now this machine has a ‘rapid’ cycle and performs excellently at low temperatures… ideal!””
(in a whiny, annoying Geordie accent that sounds as though its being played at 2/3 speed) It is day 104 of the football league, and Kevin has been called to the diary room “Kevin?”
Muffled response
“Kevin?”
Muffled response
“Kevin, where is your microphone?”
“Sold it!
“And where has your bed gone?”
“Sold it”
“Your wardrobe?”
“Sold it, but I have made some very lucrative investments in wardrobes abroad that could very well produce better quality wardrobes which we could use over here in the future!”
“Okay, that will be all Kevin, please send in Lee”
“Lee, this is Big Brother, you have been tasked to prepare a World Cup bid, how is this progressing?”
“Well we have conducted initial engagement with key facilitators, identifying their stakeholder responsibilities, and analysing cost benefit streams in respect of revenue retention”
“you mean you’ve rung around some local odd-jobbers and asked for a ‘cash in hand’ price”
“How very dare you!... Yes”
(dreary, dull, tedious, uninteresting geordie voice) “Its eviction night in the house, and it has gone to a public limited company vote. The PLC vote has chosen to evict BOTH Kevin and Lee, in favour of Persian billionaire property investor and part-time female SAM HASHIMI:
“I have seen life from both sides of the fence, and so will my new friends in Sheffield as I amalgamate the clubs. Forget the World Cup, Bramall Lane will still host football games AFTER we have hosted the Eurovision Song Contest. Hillsborough will be transformed in to a glorious amphitheatre and will be the new home of The Strictly Rocky Horror Chef On Ice Factor! Pack your bags and leave boys!”
“Right Lee, this is what we should do, ok, we’ll SELL all the other housemates, at bargain basement prices. IF we sell enough of them we should have enough liquid assets to build an extension and patio terrace and increase the capacity of the house. We will still have a few housemates left to perform the household chores, if not we’ll just have to get some temporary agency staff in.
“But Kev, we won’t have enough housemates to fill the extra capacity”
“That’s irrelevant Lee, we want to increase to profile of the house, making it the best house on prime-time tv, even if it means we have to go back to day-time tv to get there.”
“I see your point Kev, but I disagree. What we should do is use whatever capital we have to start reconciling our fiscal liabilities apropos the money we owe to the window cleaner and milkman. Once we have put that contingency into place, I say we contract out our household chores to a third party, thus raising revenue in the short-term and bringing in longer term stability to the domestic asset management framework. This course of action will increase our labour/time resource pool by a commensurate window, allowing us to utilise this elsewhere.
“I don’t understand Lee…”
“We pay the milkman, we pay the window cleaner, we get an au pair in, and use the housemates to mow the lawn, stain the decking so it looks new, paper over the cracks and then charge the housemates extra for using our updated facilities!”
“Right, tell you what, let’s do some planning, you’ve arranged all the building materials haven’t you?”
“Well, I’ve made some tentative approaches to prospective stakeholders, with a view to acquiring materials for the said proposed project, but as I have made clear beforehand, this input is without timescale, and may take an extended period”
“That’s a no then?”
“Er, yes. What about machinery and tools Kev, have we got shovels?”
“I sold ‘em on e-bay, but my lad is gonna get some in on loan”
“Cement mixer?”
“Same”
“Mini digger?”
“Got one!”
“Harrah!”
“But its broken, it’ll be out for weeks, so my lad is gonna bring in a washing machine as cover! You may think that’s inappropriate, but we’re SHORT OF TIME, and WINTER is coming. Now this machine has a ‘rapid’ cycle and performs excellently at low temperatures… ideal!””
(in a whiny, annoying Geordie accent that sounds as though its being played at 2/3 speed) It is day 104 of the football league, and Kevin has been called to the diary room “Kevin?”
Muffled response
“Kevin?”
Muffled response
“Kevin, where is your microphone?”
“Sold it!
“And where has your bed gone?”
“Sold it”
“Your wardrobe?”
“Sold it, but I have made some very lucrative investments in wardrobes abroad that could very well produce better quality wardrobes which we could use over here in the future!”
“Okay, that will be all Kevin, please send in Lee”
“Lee, this is Big Brother, you have been tasked to prepare a World Cup bid, how is this progressing?”
“Well we have conducted initial engagement with key facilitators, identifying their stakeholder responsibilities, and analysing cost benefit streams in respect of revenue retention”
“you mean you’ve rung around some local odd-jobbers and asked for a ‘cash in hand’ price”
“How very dare you!... Yes”
(dreary, dull, tedious, uninteresting geordie voice) “Its eviction night in the house, and it has gone to a public limited company vote. The PLC vote has chosen to evict BOTH Kevin and Lee, in favour of Persian billionaire property investor and part-time female SAM HASHIMI:
“I have seen life from both sides of the fence, and so will my new friends in Sheffield as I amalgamate the clubs. Forget the World Cup, Bramall Lane will still host football games AFTER we have hosted the Eurovision Song Contest. Hillsborough will be transformed in to a glorious amphitheatre and will be the new home of The Strictly Rocky Horror Chef On Ice Factor! Pack your bags and leave boys!”
