Oh dear, oh dear.
I am, from time to time, accused of resembling a broken record in relation to young Ploddy. The Ploddyphiles, however, churn out the same misguided drivel every time and no-one turns a hair. How do you say 'fit, committed and tries hard' in a dozen different ways?
I have seen countless footballers, good and bad. With one or two exceptions the bad ones have at least some praiseworthy qualities. So it is with Ploddy. His dedication, fitness, endeavour and attitude are admirable. But these qualities are equally attributable to a long distance runner, mountaineer, deep sea diver...the list goes on. They are not footballing qualities.
The truth about Ploddy is that he runs around a lot, usually just out of reach of the ball, which is in the possession of a more gifted [i.e. the vast majority] opponent. He does this tirelessly but ineffectively. The better players leave him puffing and panting in their wake, but, no matter, he keeps going and the same thing happens again ad nauseam.
He dives into tackles. Occasionally he 'breaks up play' [he does this more frequently when we occasionally have possession by repeatedly passing to the opposition...or the stands...or the birds in the sky] by committing a foul or conceding a throw-in or corner. Very rarely does he win clean possession and, when he does, he does one of the things referred to in brackets above. Often he dispenses with even the pretence of attempting to do something creative when in possession and simply punts the ball aimlessly into the air in the general direction of forwards and up. It is not unusual, but bitterly amusing, for the ball to land some seconds later on his own head.
No amount of sophistry such as the ubiquitous 'does his job' or 'breaks up play' or still worse 'he's a Blade' will ever turn this young man into a footballer. Give him every credit for making the most of his crippling limitations but there it ends.
I'll now move on to his creative contribution to our team:
Who on Earth are you talking about? I looked up our squad and can find no reference to a player called 'Ploddy'. So I looked up to see if it was some other term of reference to describe someone and could find no reference in four Dictionaries/Thesauruses. Or for that matter a word ploddyphiles.
So I made a guess you were talking about Harper although I have to disagree with you on that one as I think he is quite good.
I came to the conclusion you were talking about Harper because of this bit
‘(The truth about Ploddy is that he runs around a lot, usually just out of reach of the ball, which is in the possession of a more gifted [i.e. the vast majority] opponent. He does this tirelessly but ineffectively. The better players leave him puffing and panting in their wake, but, no matter, he keeps going and the same thing happens again ad nauseam.)’
Can I just add to that he has to wait till the ball is played to his feet exactly.
See this next bit is rather mixed and I cannot agree with it all.
‘He dives into tackles. Occasionally he 'breaks up play' [he does this more frequently when we occasionally have possession by repeatedly passing to the opposition...or the stands...or the birds in the sky] by committing a foul or conceding a throw-in or corner. Very rarely does he win clean possession and, when he does, he does one of the things referred to in brackets above. Often he dispenses with even the pretence of attempting to do something creative when in possession and simply punts the ball aimlessly into the air in the general direction of forwards and up. It is not unusual, but bitterly amusing, for the ball to land some seconds later on his own head.’
See Harper never makes a tackle and relies on others round him to do the dirty work - thank God we have Walker, Monty and Morgan to do this for him.
The other night Morgan was not quite as good as usual but Walker and Monty were excellent. Walker playing a long early ball over the top for Ward to run on to, then next time varying his play and coming inside linking up with Monty. Also Monty did likewise spraying a long diagonal ball for Cresswell to get on to and then also doing a little Jink header whilst running at speed using great technique to carry out this skill for Walker to get on to. They played excellent together.
‘I'll now move on to his creative contribution to our team:’
I’ve done a few of our creative players from the other night maybe you could do Evans and Quinny.
Although I do think you’ve been rather harsh on Harper he does play well most of the time he could do with being a bit more mobile and getting up to support the forwards quicker but he just want to sit a lot of the time.
You should at least give him the respect of using his proper name instead of making up words to describe him.
After all I thought you had the view that the English language was sacred.