Funniest fan comment you've heard at a game...

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St Albans Blade

St Albans Blade

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As the moaners thread seems to be getting some (too much?!?) traction, let's hear the funnier side of the comments we've heard in the ground on matchdays.

Kicking-Off with the Blades game at Milton Keynes during the Ched Evans disaster period...
Matthew Lowton was not having a good game. Every attempt to play the ball out from the back was intercepted, every MK player seemed to evade his marking ability. MK win a corner in front of the Blades fans. For one brief second the volume of the travelling supporters lulls and everyone hears a booming Sheffield voice screaming

"LOWTON, MARK THE POST, IT WON'T MOVE!"

Still makes me giggle.

Now, over to you...
 

I remember a game against some non descript team, maybe it was Port Vale around the time we had Simonsen in goal (shudder).

Anyhow, Simmo did his usual of not reacting and taking forever to come and clear a ball that should have been easily his. Bloke on the Kop shouts:

"Fucking hell Simonsen, George Michael came out quicker than you"

Always liked that one.
 
Going back some time, but Paul Beesley am uncultured centre half under Dave Bassett, horribly sliced a clearance for a throw in. And a wag on the kop shouted "Beesley, it's cos of c***s like you why I lose on spot the ball every week!"
Younger posters may need to look up spot the ball on Google!
 
Many years ago, a Utd defender (Joe Shaw, I think), intercepted a pass with great anticipation. Bloke on the Kop standing near us said, in a voice which suggested he believed he spoke with the wisdom of Solomon, ‘He read that like a glove’. It took me a while to work out why that didn’t sound quite right…
 
HodgysBrokenThumb said:
Bloke on the Kop standing near us said, in a voice which suggested he believed he spoke with the wisdom of Solomon, ‘He read that like a glove’. It took me a while to work out why that didn’t sound quite right…
Click to expand...
Love it when people conflate two different expressions. One of my favourites is "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it".
 
“10 men, we’ve only got 10 men,” winning away at wba.
 
My first season as a fully-fledged season ticket holder was in 1999, and the first home match was Walsall.
Two blokes behind me who were also ST holders, used to have the most amusing and insightful back and forths, and on this day had one that went like this:

"You ever been for a shit in the stadium Gary?"

"Yeah, against this lot in May 1981, never left my seat either".
 
On the Kop, 2002ish, Warnock era and the Desun kit....

Wayne Allison up front, cross comes in, and he completely miscontrols it. Some bloke pipes up:

"Chief, tha's got a touch like a baby lighthouse!".

What sort of touch does a lighthouse have?!
And why a baby one specifically?!
 
League match can't remember what year but Bassett era..........Mansfield no 9 AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....after he fluffed a glorious chance in front of the kop early in the first half of play. Each and every time he recieved the ball afterwards or it was meant for him he got the full rendition of Mansfield no 9 AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Was subbed at halftime.
 

Valentine's day 1993. The United dump Manchester United out of the cup. During the match the Mancunions were (naturally) awarded a penalty. However, some bloke called Bruce missed it. Shortly after the incident, once the chortling had subsided, the culprit took position near the crowd for a set piece. A voice rings out: "Nah den Bruce, that were abaht as straight as thi nooerze!"
 
I love the fits of rage people have at the ref or linesmen. It’s like they’ve bottled all the weekly shit up from work / home and just let it all out at the match. Last night the linesmen closest to the Kop finally made a decision. Bloke infront shouts “nice to know you’re finally here you daft twat”.
 
A game years ago in the Champ, can't remember who we were playing but we were winning 2-1. Danny Webber cuts inside in the oppo box, bloke at the back of the Kop shouts "Fuck dat Webber I've put 20 quid on 2-1" 😂😂
 
Kozzy_is_my_Dad said:
On the Kop, 2002ish, Warnock era and the Desun kit....

Wayne Allison up front, cross comes in, and he completely miscontrols it. Some bloke pipes up:

"Chief, tha's got a touch like a baby lighthouse!".

What sort of touch does a lighthouse have?!
And why a baby one specifically?!
Click to expand...
He clearly doesn't know the difference between touch and torch. 😆
 
It’s Saturday 21st October, 2006. It’s halftime at Goodison Park. Claude Davis has been sent off, for being a gormless twat. We are playing the very worst version of Warnock hoofball. We are losing 2-0.

It’s clear to everyone that the game is already up, and everyone in the away end is seriously pissed off. No-one around us is looking forward to the second half.

It’s the very first away game the BadBuy juniors (aged 8 and 6) have ever been dragged to attended. We are on the back row of the lower tier, from where you can see fuck all anyway.

A kindly elderly chap ruffles a BadBuy Jr’s hair, and says “That’s a few new words they’ve learned, then”.
 
Someone flying around trying to scare a student in the early 00’s by maniacally whispering the spoken lyrics to Welcome to the Jungle.

You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby, you’re gonna die.

Think it was Wolves away in a night match and their mascot was dancing with Captain Blade.

Not really the intimidating atmosphere his coked brain believed.
 
Break in play, crowd quiet while keeper is getting treatment. Ref is right in front of the Kop when out the darkness as clear as a bell….
“REF! REF! YOUR MUMS A CUNT!”

No idea in the cold light of day why it made me laugh so much aside from the sheer shock and random nature of the insult, but a good 6-7 rows were in stitches.
Maybe you had to be there .
 
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2 memories always make me laugh to myself.

1. First day of a new season. Massive bloke rushes in late making a right scene. Leans in and says really loudly to the old woman next to him (behind me), “you got a season ticket love?”She nervously says, “err, yes” in a little timid voice. “Unlucky” he roars, “so have I.”
(He went and sat somewhere else I can only assume after the first game cos we never saw him again)

2. whilstle blows after a shit first half and paddy kenny boots the ball away into the south stand in frustration. Smacks on old boy square in the face. Voice from behind me shouts “ good header dickehead”.
To this day if I see someone hit in the head with a ball, I have a voice in my brain saying “good header dickhead”
 
I've previously mentioned this in another thread but Norwich at home in the first Wilder Prem season, there was a guy sat near me on the South Stand yelling all kinds of stuff at the Norwich players warming up.

"NUMBER 18, I DONT KNOW WHY YOU'RE WARMING UP, THEY'RE NOT BRINGING YOU ON, YOU'RE WANK"

"SANDER, OI SANDER." (Berge turns to look at him) "TELL THAT NUMBER 4 HE'S WANK"

My favourite was...

"NUMBER 18, YOUR MISSUS LOVES IT WHEN YOU PLAY AWAY COS SO DOES SHE"


It'd lost it's charm by the 87th minute but it gave us a lot of funny moments.
 

Not quite funny things said, but funny moments that I can remember.

I can remember an away game at Wolves in 2005 where we lost 4-2. We were awful that day and a certain Leon Clarke tore us apart on the left wing. I want to say that all second half the fans kept shouting at Warnock to bring on Billy Sharp, as our strikers had been awful all season, but he stubbornly refused. There was one point late on when Jags had the ball either on the half way line or just inside their half and our fans started sarcasticlly yelling shoot, as we'd been poor pretty much all match. Jags obliged and missed by a mile but looked at the away fans with a cheeky grin. Cue Warnock giving him an ear bashing from the dug out. Normally yelling shoot isn't funny buy given that the season was over and we'd been poor, it was funny to see Jags deliberately mug off Warnock just to entertain the crowd.

The sarcastic phantom goal celebration against Derby at Pride Park everytime they shot on goal was funny too. That was after we were relegated from the Premier League. They shot into the side netting and the other half of their stadium celebrated a goal only to realise that it never went in. After that the travelling Blades fans celebrated a goal everytime either team had a shot on goal. I think we lost but it was a good laugh for a drab game.
 
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