Are you a "True Blade"?

[shorehamview]

Are you a "True Blade"? Well, are you? How can you tell if you are or not?

Do you live actually on John Street, Cherry Street, Shoreham Street or Bramall Lane, or on the far side of the world?

Do you go to every match, home and away, reserve matches, pre-season, academy, or not?

Do you make a special trip from foreign climes when you want to watch United?

Do you possess lots of signed stuff, signed by actual players and staff, rather than signed by your mates?

Do you have a big Blades tattoo?

Have you ever named a pet after a player?

Have you ever named a child after a player?

Do you own a pig, real or not named Lee/Chris Turner/Milan/Big Fat Ron/Sheridan/Waddle/Di Canio?

Have you Blades pictures on your walls?

Have you got an aversion to all things blue and white striped?

Do you refuse to have any Puma-branded sportswear in your house?

Have you actually shot your pet puma in the face?

Do you kick guide dogs because Blunkett is a pig?

Do you gob out of the window if you drive past the sty?

Have you got a Blades flag up in your house or garden?

Have you offered insult to ex-pig players that you have casually met in the street?

Have you got a brick at Bramall Lane?

Have you got a lump of the old John Street stand, or an old South Stand wooden seat?

Have you ever kissed Dave Bassett?

Have you ever licked Bob Booker's car clean?

Do you use blue stripy things in your house only for cleaning up nasty spillages?

Do you have an overwhelming dsire to shout "piggayyyyy" at anyone you see in a pig shirt?




Do you realise that none of the above can be used to measure Bladeness? You can't measure it. You know yourself what Bladeness is, but it's can't be measured any more than any other love can. To attempt to measure another's Bladeness is to try to measure their digestion by their turd length, and equally as futile.

Still, there have got to be other weird Blade-y things you have done, or know that others have done. Let's have them.

 

[AlienWoodward]

I'm Spartacus !!

 

[Wards]

I'm that much of a Blade I live next door to Hillsborough

 

[Highbury_Blade]

My first born will be given the name of Montgomery. Even if it's a girl.

 

[travellingblade]

I only managed to answer Yes fully to three questions listed above, but I've "supported" the Blades (and only the Blades) for over 50 years, plus all my children and grandchildren are Blades, and proud of it!

 

[silverfox]

I do have a Blades pic on the wall. It is one of the dog who is called Blade and was called Blade before we got him.

 

[William Large]

I am writing this reply sat on an old seat from the South Stand, in my dining room decorated in united wall paper, accessed by an old turnstile from said stand. I am in my blades pyjamas and slippers drinking out of my blades mug. Once I have finished and got changed into my replica blades kit and moisturise my new Gary Speed tattoo, I will drive my car (with number plate Bl4D3S) to the training ground where I will obtain signed memorabilia from the new sunday morning cleaner (the only outstanding signature for last 30 years for anyone ever employed by the blades.
After this me, my wife davina harriet bassett Large and our eleven boys all named after 1897 - 1898 championship winning team will take out our pet dog 'nudger' to burn Puma produce at various sports outlets in Sheffield. We will then go home and thrash mercilessly our pet pig 'megson' before eating our lovingly prepared tea which will naturally be greasy chip butties all round, (we eat this for every meal, every day including Christmas). I will then venture out again down to BDTBL to lick clean the car park before nipping round to Chelsea park to collect dog shit to post through the letter boxes of all Wednesday players and directors.
In the evening I will mostly spend time on ebay buying endless Blades related 'treasures' which will be placed on view in my already over cluttered home whilst guzzling Magnets, my dwindling stash of Wards bitter and chain smoking Woodbines. I will then plan my next week where I intend to valet the cars of the entire Blades Squad on Monday.
Tuesday is devoted to kicking as many guide dogs as possible in the morning as well as trying to run over blind people in my ex - Arnold Laver truck.
In the afternoon I plan to extend the flag pole outside my house to 800ft in order to take the massive 400 sq ft Blades flag, weaved by the wives of Chengdu Blades reserves team.

The middle day in the week is taken up almost entirely by my attempts to artex Big Fat Racist Ron's downstairs ceilings with Pig Shit whilst he is out for the day sitting under a massive grill to top up his tan.

Thursday morning I shall be at Shirecliffe watching training whilst shuffling one out. For the rest of the day I will be following Carlton Palmer round and relentlessly shouting Pig related comments at the galumpfing cunt.

Friday I will hardly be able to contain my excitement at the prospect of watching my beloved Blades at home to Swansea the following day, and will mainly be sat quivering at home, as I daren't go out incase I wee myself.

Saturday morning I will get up at around 0001 nice and early to get myself ready for the game. I will get down to the lane about 0600 to sample the pre match atmosphere and read over and over again the Programme and Flashing Blade until I have memorised every single inch of every page. Once the Store opens I will purchase £188.90 worth of items before entering the ground and settling into my seat. During the game i will chant and sing incessantly in praise and support of my beloved team and clap like a Seal on Crack as they leave the pitch regardless of the performance or result.

I realise that this may not be enought to qualify me as a proper Blade, however this will be a bit of an easy week for me. I am recovering from removing all the snow from every member of Blades Staff's houses and gardens this past week, including their cars, neighbours cars and associated driveways and routes to and from the training ground and BDTBL. No mean feat when you only have a small hoe.

I will be back to proper Bladesness the following week where I look forward to cheering on Gary Megson's red and white army down to League 1. I promise.

 

[oldblade]

Are you a "True Blade"? Well, are you? How can you tell if you are or not?

..............................................................................................................................................

Do you realise that none of the above can be used to measure Bladeness? You can't measure it. You know yourself what Bladeness is, but it's can't be measured any more than any other love can. To attempt to measure another's Bladeness is to try to measure their digestion by their turd length, and equally as futile.

Still, there have got to be other weird Blade-y things you have done, or know that others have done. Let's have them.

A lot of the things you mention probably do show that you are a Blade. But regardless of any of them, if you are a bag of nerves throughout saturday afternoon and feel like your watching a horror movie where something nasty is bound to happen, or if your not at the game and you turn on the TV (or radio or internet) at around 4-50 PM on a saturday afternoon (or 9-30 PM on a Tuesday evening) with a horrible anxious churning feeling in your stomach, then you are probably a 'true Blade'

 

[Sensiblade]

One or maybe two word answers next to the questions

Are you a "True Blade"? Well, are you? How can you tell if you are or not?

Do you live actually on John Street, Cherry Street, Shoreham Street or Bramall Lane, or on the far side of the world? No, neither

Do you go to every match, home and away, reserve matches, pre-season, academy, or not? No

Do you make a special trip from foreign climes when you want to watch United? No

Do you possess lots of signed stuff, signed by actual players and staff, rather than signed by your mates? Yes

Do you have a big Blades tattoo? No

Have you ever named a pet after a player? No

Have you ever named a child after a player? No

Do you own a pig, real or not named Lee/Chris Turner/Milan/Big Fat Ron/Sheridan/Waddle/Di Canio? No

Have you Blades pictures on your walls? Yes

Have you got an aversion to all things blue and white striped? Yes

Do you refuse to have any Puma-branded sportswear in your house? Yes

Have you actually shot your pet puma in the face? No

Do you kick guide dogs because Blunkett is a pig? No

Do you gob out of the window if you drive past the sty? Have done

Have you got a Blades flag up in your house or garden? No

Have you offered insult to ex-pig players that you have casually met in the street? No

Have you got a brick at Bramall Lane? No

Have you got a lump of the old John Street stand, or an old South Stand wooden seat? No

Have you ever kissed Dave Bassett? Yes

Have you ever licked Bob Booker's car clean? No

Do you use blue stripy things in your house only for cleaning up nasty spillages? No, But

Do you have an overwhelming dsire to shout "piggayyyyy" at anyone you see in a pig shirt? YES!!!




Do you realise that none of the above can be used to measure Bladeness? You can't measure it. You know yourself what Bladeness is, but it's can't be measured any more than any other love can. To attempt to measure another's Bladeness is to try to measure their digestion by their turd length, and equally as futile.

Still, there have got to be other weird Blade-y things you have done, or know that others have done. Let's have them.

 

[GRUMPY BLADE]

I've got 10 points so how bigga Blade does that make me?

 

[DuncDisorderly]

I am writing this reply sat on an old seat from the South Stand, in my dining room decorated in united wall paper, accessed by an old turnstile from said stand. I am in my blades pyjamas and slippers drinking out of my blades mug. Once I have finished and got changed into my replica blades kit and moisturise my new Gary Speed tattoo, I will drive my car (with number plate Bl4D3S) to the training ground where I will obtain signed memorabilia from the new sunday morning cleaner (the only outstanding signature for last 30 years for anyone ever employed by the blades.
After this me, my wife davina harriet bassett Large and our eleven boys all named after 1897 - 1898 championship winning team will take out our pet dog 'nudger' to burn Puma produce at various sports outlets in Sheffield. We will then go home and thrash mercilessly our pet pig 'megson' before eating our lovingly prepared tea which will naturally be greasy chip butties all round, (we eat this for every meal, every day including Christmas). I will then venture out again down to BDTBL to lick clean the car park before nipping round to Chelsea park to collect dog shit to post through the letter boxes of all Wednesday players and directors.
In the evening I will mostly spend time on ebay buying endless Blades related 'treasures' which will be placed on view in my already over cluttered home whilst guzzling Magnets, my dwindling stash of Wards bitter and chain smoking Woodbines. I will then plan my next week where I intend to valet the cars of the entire Blades Squad on Monday.
Tuesday is devoted to kicking as many guide dogs as possible in the morning as well as trying to run over blind people in my ex - Arnold Laver truck.
In the afternoon I plan to extend the flag pole outside my house to 800ft in order to take the massive 400 sq ft Blades flag, weaved by the wives of Chengdu Blades reserves team.

The middle day in the week is taken up almost entirely by my attempts to artex Big Fat Racist Ron's downstairs ceilings with Pig Shit whilst he is out for the day sitting under a massive grill to top up his tan.

Thursday morning I shall be at Shirecliffe watching training whilst shuffling one out. For the rest of the day I will be following Carlton Palmer round and relentlessly shouting Pig related comments at the galumpfing cunt.

Friday I will hardly be able to contain my excitement at the prospect of watching my beloved Blades at home to Swansea the following day, and will mainly be sat quivering at home, as I daren't go out incase I wee myself.

Saturday morning I will get up at around 0001 nice and early to get myself ready for the game. I will get down to the lane about 0600 to sample the pre match atmosphere and read over and over again the Programme and Flashing Blade until I have memorised every single inch of every page. Once the Store opens I will purchase £188.90 worth of items before entering the ground and settling into my seat. During the game i will chant and sing incessantly in praise and support of my beloved team and clap like a Seal on Crack as they leave the pitch regardless of the performance or result.

I realise that this may not be enought to qualify me as a proper Blade, however this will be a bit of an easy week for me. I am recovering from removing all the snow from every member of Blades Staff's houses and gardens this past week, including their cars, neighbours cars and associated driveways and routes to and from the training ground and BDTBL. No mean feat when you only have a small hoe.

I will be back to proper Bladesness the following week where I look forward to cheering on Gary Megson's red and white army down to League 1. I promise.

...bleedin part-timer...

 

[Bristol Blade]

For the rest of the day I will be following Carlton Palmer round and relentlessly shouting Pig related comments at the galumpfing cunt.

Made me laugh.

 

[Stafford Blade]

Did anyone else back the dingles yesterday? 6/4 was a mahoosive price. i'd have happily swapped my winnings for 3 points but whilst we're this bad a profit is a profit

 

[Worksop II]

How about an extra point for those dancing in the Car Park with "shoes off" when we were buying players worth £2 million, £3 million even £4 million Pounds.

Got to be worth a point for that much "Loyalty"

 

[Tizertrance]

Are you a "True Blade"? Well, are you? How can you tell if you are or not?


Have you ever named a child after a player?

What if you are the child named after a player?

 

[beightonblade]

How about an extra point for those dancing in the Car Park with "shoes off" when we were buying players worth £2 million, £3 million even £4 million Pounds.

Got to be worth a point for that much "Loyalty"

trouble is there only worth 20,30 and 40 bob respetively !

 

[Vancouver]

I named my red & white stripped car "Deano" and refused to buy the blue and white stripped one.

 

[JohnDenver]

Anyone remember True Blade from the old BU board? He needed sectioning...

 

[super_pig]

i've been a part time blade for 35 years.. does that count fer 'owt?.. and you missed a question.. do you only let in cars with blades memorabilia and laugh at those with wednesday air fresheners.. pointing to your blades one and mouthing 'f*** off' to the car in question..

 

[Vancouver]

Anyone remember True Blade from the old BU board? He needed sectioning...

This thread did make me think of him. Didn't he give one guy crap for going to a business meeting in the US and missing a Blades game. He was a prize tool.

 

[Highbury_Blade]

Top troll that true blade!

 

[Grecian2000]

and you missed a question.. do you only let in cars with blades memorabilia and laugh at those with wednesday air fresheners.. pointing to your blades one and mouthing 'f*** off' to the car in question..

Indeed. One of lifes frustrations is letting in a perfectly innocent looking car only to find a "Pig till I jig" sticker in the back window.

 

[Sean the Blade]

Something I wrote this time last year. It seems all that has changed are names

You Know You’re a Blade When:

• You’re disappointed BEFORE the kick-off.
• You value opposition fans opinions on your tactics more than your managers’ opinion.
• You only recognise half the names on the team sheet.
• You start to agree with Keith Edwards’ analysis.
• You’d like to reminice about the good times, but you’re not old enough.
• The old bloke next to you isn’t old enough either.
• You can’t see out of the back window of your car for ‘The Blades Are Going To Wembley’ commemorative stickers.
• There’s no point in getting a player’s name printed on the back of your shirt.
• You always feel let down, it’s just the degree that varies.
• You trust politicians more than your club’s owner.
• You trust politicians expense claims more than your club’s owner.
• You double check the teletext as soon as you wake up, after dreaming KB has resigned… just in case the dream was prophetic.
• You can quote, word for word, the advertisements on the roof of each stand, after spending a long season, staring at them, looking up in the air, at long balls hoofed to Henderson.
• You watch Match of the Day, and every five minutes you say to the Mrs “He used to play for us”
• You are tempted to start smoking again instead of buying a season ticket, after giving up to buy your first.
• Every conversation with other Blades fans starts “If only…”
• The ‘Team Manager’ at your fast food outlet is more creative than your teams’ manager.
• You’ve got Sky Sports at home, because it’s so embarassing watching the Blades in the pub with your non-Blades mates.
• Saturday overtime is more attractive than our style of play.
• The WIFE is more attractive than our style of play.
• Anne Widdecombe is more attractive than our style of play.
• A threesome, involving the wife, Anne Widdecombe and Bella Emberg, whilst you are on overtime, is more attractive than our style of play.
• The only ground improvement you really want to see, is a signwriter adding Blackwell’s name to the list of previous managers.

 

[super_pig]

you're right about games on the telly.. i was watching one game.. 'he's an ex blade, he used to play for us'.. and our lass (no interest whatsoever) pipes up.. they can't 'all' have played for united.. but they did luv.. honest

 

[SwissBlade]

Travel back from Switzerland as often as possible to watch the Blades
Quit my (very well paid) job in Kazakhstan as the rotation would've coincided with the Play Off's ... which we didn't get to in Blackie's first season
Always try to shoehorn a football mention into conversations with anyone I work with/ meetings with foreign companies etc, just so that I can mention the Blades.
Forced my work mates in Zug to pop down to the pub last game of last season to watch the Wednesday Downfall
Currently have a Signed Leigh Bromby Shirt on my lounge wall and a Large photo of Brownie et al after the Leeds game in the FA cup win in 2003 at Chesterfield, Blades scarves and pennant up in Switzerland.
Always had a Blades Sticker in every car I have.
Recently bought a lab puppy, but insisted to the girlfiend that there must be a blades link. Trouble is the puppy is female, so names were more difficult. She didn't fancy shouting Bradders or Morgs across a field. So I managed to get her to agree to "Ruby" = ruby murray=curry=Tony Currie
Ruby will be trained to bite pigs in pig shirts
previously refused to own any Puma gear, but sucummed to a nice retro trackie top when the unclean had diadora, I never wear the top anymore (it is white and red though).
Got a brick
Got a few shares, bought them when they were £1.60 or something daft.
Got a photo with me and Oo ah

Just the ones I can think of off the top of my head, i'm sure there are more and I'm sure others have much better ones than mine

 

[JJ Sefton]

I run a cheese grater down my chest and back once a week so the red and white stripes are 4 real.

Thug life.

 

[Basing Blade]

I have trained my kids to say '...Bladesday...' instead of Wednesday. It started off as a laugh but now when they say it, it makes me proud.

 

[Selly]

Do you live actually on John Street, Cherry Street, Shoreham Street or Bramall Lane, or on the far side of the world?
Birmingham
Do you go to every match, home and away, reserve matches, pre-season, academy, or not?
No

Do you make a special trip from foreign climes when you want to watch United?
No, well Birmingham, so...

Do you possess lots of signed stuff, signed by actual players and staff, rather than signed by your mates?
No

Do you have a big Blades tattoo?
No

Have you ever named a pet after a player?
No

Have you ever named a child after a player?
No

Do you own a pig, real or not named Lee/Chris Turner/Milan/Big Fat Ron/Sheridan/Waddle/Di Canio?
No

Have you Blades pictures on your walls?
Yes

Have you got an aversion to all things blue and white striped?
Yes

Do you refuse to have any Puma-branded sportswear in your house?
No

Have you actually shot your pet puma in the face?
No

Do you kick guide dogs because Blunkett is a pig?
No

Do you gob out of the window if you drive past the sty?
No, but I do sya "boooooooo, Sheffield Wednesday"

Have you got a Blades flag up in your house or garden?
No

Have you offered insult to ex-pig players that you have casually met in the street?
No

Have you got a brick at Bramall Lane?
No

Have you got a lump of the old John Street stand, or an old South Stand wooden seat?
No

Have you ever kissed Dave Bassett?
No

Have you ever licked Bob Booker's car clean?
No

Do you use blue stripy things in your house only for cleaning up nasty spillages?
I don`t have any Blue & White stripey things in my house

Do you have an overwhelming dsire to shout "piggayyyyy" at anyone you see in a pig shirt?
Yes

 

[Yossarian]

Do you live actually on John Street, Cherry Street, Shoreham Street or Bramall Lane, or on the far side of the world?
Austria

Do you go to every match, home and away, reserve matches, pre-season, academy, or not?
No

Do you make a special trip from foreign climes when you want to watch United?
No

Do you possess lots of signed stuff, signed by actual players and staff, rather than signed by your mates?
No. Once had a ticket signed by Alan Kelly, but the signature wore off somehow.

Do you have a big Blades tattoo?
No, it's medium-sized.

Have you ever named a pet after a player?
Yes, Monty.

Have you ever named a child after a player?
No, but not through a lack of effort. The next one is getting called "Peschisolido" though.

Do you own a pig, real or not named Lee/Chris Turner/Milan/Big Fat Ron/Sheridan/Waddle/Di Canio?
No

Have you Blades pictures on your walls?
Of course not. I'm 34, not 14.

Have you got an aversion to all things blue and white striped?
Not really.

Do you refuse to have any Puma-branded sportswear in your house?
No

Have you actually shot your pet puma in the face?
No, I've grown quite attached to her since she mauled an intruder a few years back.

Do you kick guide dogs because Blunkett is a pig?
No

Do you gob out of the window if you drive past the sty?
I don't drive anywhere near it

Have you got a Blades flag up in your house or garden?
No

Have you offered insult to ex-pig players that you have casually met in the street?
I've never met any in the street.

Have you got a brick at Bramall Lane?
No

Have you got a lump of the old John Street stand, or an old South Stand wooden seat?
No

Have you ever kissed Dave Bassett?
No

Have you ever licked Bob Booker's car clean?
No

Do you use blue stripy things in your house only for cleaning up nasty spillages?
No

Do you have an overwhelming dsire to shout "piggayyyyy" at anyone you see in a pig shirt?
No

I did, however dump a bird after finding out she lived in Hillsborough.

 

[super_pig]

do you deliberately boycott mr tom and chuppa chups products??