Silent, just for you and of course for Shred, here's the story, written exactly as Bill wrote it in phonetic Sheffieldish!!
Shred Loves Eddie
Eddie Colquhoun's testimonial dinner in the old Tudor Rooms at Bramall Lane, abaht 1978. Currie is Shred's all time 'ero but Colquhoun is 'is second-favourite player on t'planet. 'E loved 'im, 'e adored 'im, since 'e come from West Brom in '68. When it were 'is testimonial we 'ad a race night, American 'orse racin', an' Spencer's pissed aht on 'is eead.
Remember a DJ called Ray Stuart on Radio 'Allam? 'E's tellin' Shred to move away, move away from t'mike an' thi 'avin' all these people 'oo'd paid ten bob to pay tribute to Colquhoun. Shred's like tranna chuck fuckin' quids in, so o' course Ray Stuart's pushin' 'im aht 'o t'way an Shred loses 'is balance an' falls into t'speakers. T'fuckin' lot went, all yer could 'ear were this feedback, it were like a Jimi 'Endrix concert! Shred's goin' "Aaah, noooh, nooooh!" An' Colquhoun just fuckin' walks aht!
Cooerse we never see owt o' Colquhoun then for another four or five years. We guz to Scotland ageean for a pre-season tour an' we walks into this fuckin' pub in weerever it were, t'east coast o' Scotland playin' ..... Dunfermline or someone like that. An' 'oo's be'ind t'bar ....Eddie Colquhoun. We ant even 'ad a fuckin' drink an' Spencer guz "Ahhhh, aaahhh! Skipper"
'E guz runnin' o'er to t'bar an' Colquhoun's stood theer wi' t'cigar an' 'e just jumps on 'im an' 'e's like ... an' thiz all t'optics comin' o' t'wall. 'E guz, "Fuckin' phsyco! Geddim away from mi!"