Suggest A Shit Show feat. Ex-Blades

[The Crab]

Windass and his windy ass

Former blade Dean Windass suffers from chronic flatulence. Dean goes into detail about his attempt to find a cure, and tells about the time he followed through and the result signed for the pigs.

Starting Nick “Monty” Montgomery as Dr Montgomery

 

[The Crab]

Ironside the Factory

Former Blade Joe Ironside decides football isn’t for him and decides to become a factory.

This week Joe try’s his hand at making Bakewell tarts, but joes inexperience create a bakery catastrophe and the tarts are rejected.

Starring Nick “Monty” Montgomery as Gregg Wallace (we could have had the real one but he’s an annoying cunt) and Pitsmoor Mark as a useless tart

 

[Rodley]

Rak, Sak & Craic

New Blades loanee Jesurun Rak-Sakyi takes a 12 month lease on a retail unit at Crystal Peaks opening an Irish themed beauty parlour / aesthetics clinic.

Episode 1 sees accusations of workplace bullying arise when manager Nick “Monty” Montgomery finds a damaged silicon implant in the store cupboard and sales assistant Ivo mistakenly feels he was being referred to as a “useless tit”.

 

[TJB.]

Wham, Bam, Wanky Van!

Candid camera show where Neil Shipperley pulls up beside unsuspecting drivers at traffic lights in his Transit and waits to discover how long he can masturbate for before being spotted.

 

[stringjunior]

Brewster's Roosters.

This straight to Laser Disc classic highlights Chris Wilders man management genius as he gathers the whole united squad in Rhian's garden at 5.23 a.m. to crow like roosters in an attempt to wake him from his beauty sleep in time for training.

Starring Nick "Monty" Montgomery as the lucky hen.

 

[DifferentClass]

Roger the Dodger: Join former Blades favourite Nilsen in his attempts to ride around the Bergen public transport system without paying.

Starring Nick "Monty" Montgomery as Sgt. Niklas Montgomersson of the Norwegian Transport Police.

 

[1973Blade]

Am I being overly pedantic in saying that the title of this thread is 'Suggest a shit show featuring EX Blades'? Anyone naming current Blades should be publicly flogged

 

[Stevo71]

Tony shags Barbie because Ken isn't worthy

 

[Stanthemanfan]

Holmes under the hamer
Gus Hamer practices his perfectly timed leg breakers on the legendary iron man of football Ricky Holmes

 

[The Crab]

Whiteman can’t jump

Ex blade Ben Whiteman takes up parachute jumping but a sudden attack of vertigo leads to his first jump being abandoned.

Starring Nick Montgomery as Monty the pilot

 

[The Crab]

Who Owns the Lys Hold

Former Blade Lys Mousset takes up professional wrestling. He soon develops his signature move The Lys Hold. A dispute develops between Vince McMahon and Kevin Mcabe over who owns the rights to the Lys Hold.

Starting Nick Monty Montgomery as Vince McMahon

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

Ironside the Factory

Former Blade Joe Ironside decides football isn’t for him and decides to become a factory.

This week Joe try’s his hand at making Bakewell tarts, but joes inexperience create a bakery catastrophe and the tarts are rejected.

Starring Nick “Monty” Montgomery as Gregg Wallace (we could have had the real one but he’s an annoying cunt) and Pitsmoor Mark as a useless tart

Don't you just hate it when you've got a rejected tart?!

 

[Jinxy1966]

Spackman’s Learner Rover Drive

Ex- Blade Nigel takes novices on driving lessons in his classic Rover 3500 V8 while listening to 1970’s hit You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet on repeat.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Spackman’s Learner Rover Drive

Ex- Blade Nigel takes novices on driving lessons in his classic Rover 3500 V8 while listening to 1970’s hit You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet on repeat.

Deserves likes!

 

[Houston_Blade]

Hecky and McCall’s Cross Pennine Journey

Netflix documentary following Paul and Stuart from Yorkshire over to the wilds of West Lancs where they get the chance to be the latest management team to get Preston North End to hit approximately 65 points and bore the fuck out of the footballing world.

 

[Skabone]

T

Spackman’s Learner Rover Drive

Ex- Blade Nigel takes novices on driving lessons in his classic Rover 3500 V8 while listening to 1970’s hit You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet on repeat.

took me a while that one well played sir

 

[The Crab]

Ten Heuvel’s Ten Shovels.

Former Blade Laurent Ten Heuvel tells us his top ten shovels from various garden centres.

Featuring Nick Montgomery as Monty the garden gnome

 

[idleurchin]

Woodhouse On Woodhouses

Ex Sheffield United star Curtis Woodhouse tours the world to delve into the history of timber home designs and build techniques.

In this first episode Curtis meets a Lithuanian family who have been building stilt houses for over one hundred years. A multi generational endeavour, Lazslo and his family are now regarded as the premier stilt house builders in Eastern Europe. There designs have taken them as far as Latvia, Albania and Bulgaria.

 

[Rodley]

Dongs out in the Fan Zone?

Documentary showing Hai Hao Dong’s endeavours getting a food van open in the new BDTBL Fan Zone.

 

[idleurchin]

Woodhouse On Woodhouses

Ex Sheffield United star Curtis Woodhouse tours the world to delve into the history of timber home designs and build techniques.

In this first episode Curtis meets a Lithuanian family who have been building stilt houses for over one hundred years. A multi generational endeavour, Lazslo and his family are now regarded as the premier stilt house builders in Eastern Europe. There designs have taken them as far as Latvia, Albania and Bulgaria.

*Their

FFS

 

[TJB.]

You Absolute Fucking Lowe Life. How Could You Stoop So Lowe?

Mini-documentary covering Max's transfer to Sheffield Wednesday.

Title is a bit lengthy, I know.

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

Glenn Cockerill and his gargantuan cock.

A story about Glenn taking a summer holiday in France, and finding a giant French le coq to accompany him on that aforementioned journey.

Glenn and his giant cock are then pictured all over France, munching on baguettes, twirling strings of onions, and cycling down the road with a black and white hooped jersey on.

A giant cock munching on a baguette, you heard it here first.

 

[stringjunior]

Glenn Cockerill and his gargantuan cock.

A story about Glenn taking a summer holiday in France, and finding a giant French le coq to accompany him on that aforementioned journey.

Glenn and his giant cock are then pictured all over France, munching on baguettes, twirling strings of onions, and cycling down the road with a black and white hooped jersey on.

A giant cock munching on a baguette, you heard it here first.

We'ers Monty?

 

[Richeee]

Lowe and behold......in which 95000 Wednesday fans realise that signing the greatest ever left back to play the game isn't quite working out for them....narrated by Nick 'monty' Montgomery and also featuring Mark the Pitsmoor pig as disgruntled fan # 210

 

[Sportbilly /Detroit Blade]

We'ers Monty?

I fucked him off, we already had one big cock in the story

 

[Le Cynique]

Gus, Harmer

Hard-boiled ex-detective Gus Hamer, kicked off the Amsterdam Politie following some terrible discrepancies in which a drug dealer, known to sell crack to kids, drowned in a canal, takes the law into his own hands as he metes out his own brand of tough justice as a hard man for hire in and around the Liedzeplein.

Thankfully, he has local mayor Nic “Monty” Montgomerij in his corner as his methods raise eyebrows with the city fathers… but has he gone too far this time?

Vini’s Boozer
Redeemed hero and Brazilian midfield enforcer Vinicius Souza takes the reins of a failing Sheffield pub, frequented by low-lives, ne’er-do-wells and spice heads. Through his innovative use of pointing, he turns the pub’s fortunes around — and finally gets the call up he’s always dreamt of, managing a hostelry in Rio De Janeiro. But will he be able to tear himself away from the new life he’s built in Netherthorpe?

Co-starring Nick “Monty” Montgomery as the cheerful Government Weights and Measures representative who takes Vini under his wing and teaches him how to pull a half-decent pint of Jaipur.

 

[Rodley]

Montyana

Dystopian drama starring Nick "Monty" Montgomery who flees the chaos of modern civilisation to establish his own new society in the wilderness of Montana called Montyana. As Monty gathers a motley crew of misfit followers, his vision of a perfect society (where football tactics double as governance strategies and everyone lives by the mantra "second touch a tackle") begins to spiral hilariously out of control. The final denouement sees Montyana's eccentric laws and rituals grow increasingly absurd, with the fledgling society teetering on the brink of collapse, forcing Monty to confront the unforeseen challenges of playing dictator in a world far stranger than any football match.

 

[GreasyChipBeattie]

Detailed documentary focussing on the rapidly declining rainforests and the consequences of over de-forestation.
After being released by Sheffield United, former midfielder presents 'Norwood left'

 

[Jinxy1966]

Withe Nails Ndiaye

The 2 ex-Blades take a trip to Withe’s uncle’s country pad where gay frolics ensue.
Featuring guest appearances from Nick Montgomery as ”Uncle Monty” & Brian Marwood as “Marwood”.

 

[Richeee]

Withe Nails Ndiaye

The 2 ex-Blades take a trip to Withe’s uncle’s country pad where gay frolics ensue.
Featuring guest appearances from Nick Montgomery as ”Uncle Monty” & Brian Marwood as “Marwood”.

It deserves more than one like...well played sir...brilliant