Dear footballing gods

[Ollessendro]

Dear footballing gods.

I would just like to take the time to say FUCK OFF. You bunch of twats.

In terms of next week, do you fucking worst. You’ve already broken me you rotten cunts. You’ve bled SUFC dry worse than the South East has bled our economy. You’ve fucked us over more times than Thatcher. I am sure you have something else up your sleeve, but I do not care! I couldn’t give a flying fuck what happens to SUFC in early May, so work away.

You’re probably struggling to think of new ways to screw us over, but I am sure you’ll think of sumert. 3rd party ownership was a cracker and Ched’s trial date pretty special. Giving Hopkin Platini’s right foot for 5 seconds of his career was a good one and credit for giving us Mike Dean at Wembley in 2008. On a similar vein Graham Poll at Old Trafford. Those horrendous events in May 2003 after we'd finished miles in front of Wolves and Leicester did not get any points deducted for going into admin. That cruel day in May 1994 when you made it look impossible for us to go down, then turned events on their heads for us to go down in the dying seconds.

I can see what you are planning you bunch of arseholes. Give us some hope and then fuck us over. I am not falling for it. I can see Brentford getting a home win ion Sat-di and a dejected Donny stumble across to BDTBL on Friday. United limp past a shattered and bereft Rovers and are in the final again. What will it be this year? Last goal that is not a goal at Wembley before goal line technology is introduced is my bet. But like I say, I couldn’t care less.

So gu on then you horrible wankers. Ollessendro is past caring. Casse toi, vaffacullo, que te jodas ..... FUCK YOU!!!?

 

[raul]

Dear Ollie,

We rocked up on Boxing Day and took out your only decent forward for the season and your captain for a few weeks whilst you were busy drinking reelale and babbling on about sheds in a dialect even BB would reject as too contrived.

Yours in Sport,

TFG

 

[Selly]

Last goal that is not a goal at Wembley before goal line technology is introduced is my bet. But like I say, I couldn’t care less.

© SellyOakBlade, 2013

 

[Ollessendro]

Dear Ollie,

We rocked up on Boxing Day and took out your only decent forward for the season and your captain for a few weeks whilst you were busy drinking reelale and babbling on about sheds in a dialect even BB would reject as too contrived.

Yours in Sport,

TFG

Tha tryin t sey am a two hat Dingle dat can't talk proplee??! Buy aye TFG, tha's already wukked thi magic.

 

[Revolution]

The Footballing Gods do not exist.

Kevin McCabe and that spineless excuse for a playing squad do exist, and your anger is better directed there.

 

[Darren]

The Footballing Gods do not exist.

Kevin McCabe and that spineless excuse for a playing squad do exist, and your anger is better directed there.

Fair point in this context, but I do wonder if any other team has ever had as much heartbreak as we have had - not just relegations or failures to get promotion, but getting relegated and failing to get promoted in the most unlikely and tragic (missed penalties, last minute goals, suspicions of corruption etc etc) circumstances. Add this to being easily the most underacheving, given resporces, club in the country. This seems constant whoever is in charge and whoever the players are.

Is there an annual black cat sacrifice at the Lane?

 

[Revolution]

We are arguably the most underachieving size when gates, history etc are considered, but that is down to a series of small men in the boardroom and poor performances when it mattered.

To give an example, I have recently read that "Match of my Life" book. Just about every single player in that book talks about either having an offer accepted for them without being told about it or the club constantly trying to sell them. We have always had this save for 3 seasons of Brearley, 2 years of McCabe and 18 months of McDonald. We got relegated for the first time because they sold Jimmy Dunne. They never learn.

Losing Evans was unlucky. Not winning any of the next 3 games anyway was down to the players who are as spineless then as they are now.

Losing a shootout is unlucky, but not when the oppostion miss the first 3. Again, spineless.

As for heartbreak, there are dozens of teams worse off than we are. Our misfortunes are nothing compared to the likes of poor old Stockport, to give just one example. And look at Coventry. One top six finish since 1967 and not a single highlight since relegation from the PL in 2000.

 

[Darren]

We are arguably the most underachieving size when gates, history etc are considered, but that is down to a series of small men in the boardroom and poor performances when it mattered.

To give an example, I have recently read that "Match of my Life" book. Just about every single player in that book talks about either having an offer accepted for them without being told about it or the club constantly trying to sell them. We have always had this save for 3 seasons of Brearley, 2 years of McCabe and 18 months of McDonald. We got relegated for the first time because they sold Jimmy Dunne. They never learn.

As for heartbreak, there are dozens of teams worse off than we are. Our misfortunes are nothing compared to the likes of poor old Stockport, to give just one example. And look at Coventry. One top six finish since 1967 and not a single highlight since relegation from the PL in 2000.

Yes, poor old Coventry, 34 consecutive years in the top division from 1967 -2001. I think I would swap that for the 5 promotions we acheived from Divisions 2,3 and 4 in that period.

 

[Revolution]

Yes, poor old Coventry, 34 consecutive years in the top division from 1967 -2001. I think I would swap that for the 5 promotions we acheived from Divisions 2,3 and 4 in that period.

Oh stop being so obtuse. The bigger picture is that there are loads of clubs worse off than we are.

 

[Darren]

Oh stop being so obtuse. The bigger picture is that there are loads of clubs worse off than we are.

I am not being obtuse. I don't think anyone looking at it objectively would consider that we have had a better last 45 years than Coventry.

I also agree that some clubs (Stockport and Luton are good examples) have plummeted further than we have, but that wasn't my point. My point was that the circumstances in which we have been relegated/failed to gain promotion seem to be uniquely tragic (the missed penalties, last minute goals etc I mentioned).

 

[UnitedBlade]

Dear footballing players,

If we do get to Wembley, how about you getting off your fat arses and attempting to score ?

I've been to all the games and apart from Brown's missed penalty I can't remember a clear cut chance.

We need to help ourselves before requesting divine intervention.

 

[Darren]

Dear footballing players,

If we do get to Wembley, how about you getting off your fat arses and attempting to score ?

I've been to all the games and apart from Brown's missed penalty I can't remember a clear cut chance.

We need to help ourselves before requesting divine intervention.

We actually had a few clear cut chances in the second half v Wolves. I think Tonge hit the post with a free kick and someone had a shot kicked off the line. That second half performance was by far our best in any play off final.

 

[UnitedBlade]

We actually had a few clear cut chances in the second half v Wolves. I think Tonge hit the post with a free kick and someone had a shot kicked off the line. That second half performance was by far our best in any play off final.

We actually had a few clear cut chances in the second half v Wolves. I think Tonge hit the post with a free kick and someone had a shot kicked off the line. That second half performance was by far our best in any play off final.

Yes you are right. Ironically a comprehensive defeat was our best showing. Had Brown scored we stood a chance.

I wouldn't fancy this side giving the opposition a 3 goal start.

In the unlikely event we get there I will despair if we are negative

 

[Darren]

Yes you are right. Ironically a comprehensive defeat was our best showing. Had Brown scored we stood a chance.

I wouldn't fancy this side giving the opposition a 3 goal start.

In the unlikely event we get there I will despair if we are negative

Indeed. I still reckon that if Brown had made in 3-1 on 48 mins, we would have had a huge injection of confidence, put the fear of God into Wolves and at least taken the game to extra time.

As it was, in the 3 games in which we were nver realistically out of it, did we have one chance of note? I can only think of Walker being tripped in 2009 and Quinn's run and shot last year. Seriously, can anyone think of any other chances in those 3 finals?

 

[Ollessendro]

We are arguably the most underachieving size when gates, history etc are considered, but that is down to a series of small men in the boardroom and poor performances when it mattered.

To give an example, I have recently read that "Match of my Life" book. Just about every single player in that book talks about either having an offer accepted for them without being told about it or the club constantly trying to sell them. We have always had this save for 3 seasons of Brearley, 2 years of McCabe and 18 months of McDonald. We got relegated for the first time because they sold Jimmy Dunne. They never learn.

Losing Evans was unlucky. Not winning any of the next 3 games anyway was down to the players who are as spineless then as they are now.

Losing a shootout is unlucky, but not when the oppostion miss the first 3. Again, spineless.

As for heartbreak, there are dozens of teams worse off than we are. Our misfortunes are nothing compared to the likes of poor old Stockport, to give just one example. And look at Coventry. One top six finish since 1967 and not a single highlight since relegation from the PL in 2000.

I think you misunderstood Darren's point. I think I have to agree with him. I agree with a lot of what you say about the players being spinless, us being a selling club etc. However the circustances we have gone down or fucked up have been very unlucky:
- 93/94: favourites to stay up at 3pm on the final day. Leading 2-1 at one point and Everton losing. 2nd place Blackburn at home to Leicester and bound to win. Shearer hits the bar, but Blackburn fail to win (which would have sent LCFC down), Everton win through a very dodgy/soft goal (and blatant cheating imo) and Mark Stein comes off the bench with a point to prove (FA cup final the week after) and scores to send us down. A goal in the dying seconds. Now if you were to say that the sale of Deane lead to us getting relegated and the players were not good enough that season, I would struggle to argue with that. But the events that sent us down were harsh.
- 97 play off final: Walker not fully fit, Katchouro knackered after a long season and playing in Russia the previous simmer and Hutchinson stretchered off after a few minutes. Yes we were crap and spineless, but the events were bizarre again. Hopkin does the only decent thing in his career and I am sure had it not gone in Walker would have scored in extra (he was getting ready to come on).
- 02/03: again we fooked up on the day, but we would have caught Leicester if they'd had points deducted for going into admin. We finished 3rd by some distance and got beat by an in form team.
- 05/06: 3rd party ownership and the disgusting decision by the FA. Tevez keeping West Ham up single handedly. But of course it was in our hands and we blew it on the last day. We only needed not to lose. But Stead missed a sitter and Webber hit the post and we went down on goal difference. Even Pig fans thought our relegatyion was unlucky and unjust.
- 07/08: we miss out on automatic promotion on the final day and our main strikers are injured for the final. Similar story for 11/12. Don't forget 2 blatant penalties not being awarded and then a harsh sending off.
- 11/12: your star striker gets sent down with 3 games to go. In the mean time his replacement is sent back to loan club as he is injured, your other decent striker dislocates his collar bone and you limp to Wembley.

That's just promotions and relegations. You can throw in some of the worst refereeing you will ever see with Graham Poll at Old Trafford in 2003. Now before you retort, I agree there has always been an element of poor decision making by the board that has screwed us. Selling Deane, not backing Warnock in the top flight etc. I also agree that the players have been spinless on several occassions, particularly on the big occassion. But fuck me we have had some bad luck. The circumstances that have seen us relegated or not promoted is worse than any other club I can think of. Luton, Stockport, Coventry etc have had much worse overall fates, but not the circumstances (as Darren was pointing out).

 

[Darren]

I think you misunderstood Darren's point. I think I have to agree with him. I agree with a lot of what you say about the players being spinless, us being a selling club etc. However the circustances we have gone down or fucked up have been very unlucky:
- 93/94: favourites to stay up at 3pm on the final day. Leading 2-1 at one point and Everton losing. 2nd place Blackburn at home to Leicester and bound to win. Shearer hits the bar, but Blackburn fail to win (which would have sent LCFC down), Everton win through a very dodgy/soft goal (and blatant cheating imo) and Mark Stein comes off the bench with a point to prove (FA cup final the week after) and scores to send us down. A goal in the dying seconds. Now if you were to say that the sale of Deane lead to us getting relegated and the players were not good enough that season, I would struggle to argue with that. But the events that sent us down were harsh.
- 97 play off final: Walker not fully fit, Katchouro knackered after a long season and playing in Russia the previous simmer and Hutchinson stretchered off after a few minutes. Yes we were crap and spineless, but the events were bizarre again. Hopkin does the only decent thing in his career and I am sure had it not gone in Walker would have scored in extra (he was getting ready to come on).
- 02/03: again we fooked up on the day, but we would have caught Leicester if they'd had points deducted for going into admin. We finished 3rd by some distance and got beat by an in form team.
- 05/06: 3rd party ownership and the disgusting decision by the FA. Tevez keeping West Ham up single handedly. But of course it was in our hands and we blew it on the last day. We only needed not to lose. But Stead missed a sitter and Webber hit the post and we went down on goal difference. Even Pig fans thought our relegatyion was unlucky and unjust.
- 07/08: we miss out on automatic promotion on the final day and our main strikers are injured for the final. Similar story for 11/12. Don't forget 2 blatant penalties not being awarded and then a harsh sending off.
- 11/12: your star striker gets sent down with 3 games to go. In the mean time his replacement is sent back to loan club as he is injured, your other decent striker dislocates his collar bone and you limp to Wembley.

That's just promotions and relegations. You can throw in some of the worst refereeing you will ever see with Graham Poll at Old Trafford in 2003. Now before you retort, I agree there has always been an element of poor decision making by the board that has screwed us. Selling Deane, not backing Warnock in the top flight etc. I also agree that the players have been spinless on several occassions, particularly on the big occassion. But fuck me we have had some bad luck. The circumstances that have seen us relegated or not promoted is worse than any other club I can think of. Luton, Stockport, Coventry etc have had much worse overall fates, but not the circumstances (as Darren was pointing out).

Blacburn were playing Ipswich in 1994 and it was 06--07 and 08-09, other than that I entirely agree. You can also add in getting relegated in 1981 with what would under 3 points be a win be 54 points and with a positive goald difference and having missing a pen in the last minute of the last game that would have saved us.

I try to be objective about thus, because all clubs' supporters think they are cursed, but I really can't see any team with such a run of "bad luck" as we have had. The only time in my lifetime when the fates seemed to be in our favour (i,e, something good happened against the odds) was promotion in 1984.

 

[secretchief]

According to Bradders, interviewed in this depressing piece here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2012/may/11/joy-of-six-relegation-battles

clown-like incompetence in the form of miscommunication from the bench also had a part to play that day in '94:

"We thought we were cruising, no problems," said their midfielder Carl Bradshaw in this FourFourTwo piece. But then Everton equalised, Chelsea equalised, Everton went ahead, and panic set in. A draw was fine for United so long as Ipswich didn't win at Blackburn, but again misinformation proved costly.

"Our bench said we needed to win because everybody else was winning," says Bradshaw. "A draw would have been enough, but obviously we got the wrong messages." United, going for a winner they didn't need, went down because of an injury-time volley from Mark Stein.

 

[Darren]

According to Bradders, interviewed in this depressing piece here:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2012/may/11/joy-of-six-relegation-battles

clown-like incompetence in the form of miscommunication from the bench also had a part to play that day in '94:

"We thought we were cruising, no problems," said their midfielder Carl Bradshaw in this FourFourTwo piece. But then Everton equalised, Chelsea equalised, Everton went ahead, and panic set in. A draw was fine for United so long as Ipswich didn't win at Blackburn, but again misinformation proved costly.

"Our bench said we needed to win because everybody else was winning," says Bradshaw. "A draw would have been enough, but obviously we got the wrong messages." United, going for a winner they didn't need, went down because of an injury-time volley from Mark Stein.

To be fair, we did need a win as Ipswich could have taken the lead. Their game finished after United's (I watched the whole horror show upfold on Grandstand and we only knew we were definitely down when they went to Blackburn a couple of minutes after United's game ended).

Of course, as it happens, given th result of the Ipswich game, we did only need a draw. But that is pure hindsight and Bassett was perfectly correct to say United needed to get a winner to be sure of safety.

 

[Selly]

We actually had a few clear cut chances in the second half v Wolves. I think Tonge hit the post with a free kick and someone had a shot kicked off the line. That second half performance was by far our best in any play off final.

It wasn`t kicked off the line, it was a handball.

To be fair, we did need a win as Ipswich could have taken the lead. Their game finished after United's (I watched the whole horror show upfold on Grandstand and we only knew we were definitely down when they went to Blackburn a couple of minutes after United's game ended).

Of course, as it happens, given th result of the Ipswich game, we did only need a draw. But that is pure hindsight and Bassett was perfectly correct to say United needed to get a winner to be sure of safety.

I'm not sure we got caught out going for a winner either. Wasn`t its a free kick that Hoddle flicked on that Stein scored from?

You can throw in some of the worst refereeing you will ever see with Graham Poll at Old Trafford in 2003.

Were you not at the Brentford game 10 days ago?

 

[Darren]

I'm not sure we got caught out going for a winner either. Wasn`t its a free kick that Hoddle flicked on that Stein scored from?


?

It wasn't a free kick it was a cross from Wise that 2 defenders failed to stop and (it has to be said), Tracey really should have stopped it at his near post. Check this out at 4.32 if you dare :-(

 

[Ollessendro]

It wasn't a free kick it was a cross from Wise that 2 defenders failed to stop and (it has to be said), Tracey really should have stopped it at his near post. Check this out at 4.32 if you dare :-(

shocking defending too. Leaving Stein on his todd at the back post.

To be fair, we did need a win as Ipswich could have taken the lead. Their game finished after United's (I watched the whole horror show upfold on Grandstand and we only knew we were definitely down when they went to Blackburn a couple of minutes after United's game ended).

Of course, as it happens, given th result of the Ipswich game, we did only need a draw. But that is pure hindsight and Bassett was perfectly correct to say United needed to get a winner to be sure of safety.

I do not agree with that. Ipswich never had any chance of winning that game. They got battered and were completely under the cosh in the latter stages of the game, just holding on for a draw. SUFC going for the win based on Ipswich potentially scoring was ludicrous.

 

[Selly]

I do not agree with that. Ipswich never had any chance of winning that game. They got battered and were completely under the cosh in the latter stages of the game, just holding on for a draw. SUFC going for the win based on Ipswich potentially scoring was ludicrous.

You are correct. After all never in the history of the top flight has a team fighting relegation gone to a top 2 side and won on the last day, consequently sending someone else down...

 

[Darren]

shocking defending too. Leaving Stein on his todd at the back post.



I do not agree with that. Ipswich never had any chance of winning that game. They got battered and were completely under the cosh in the latter stages of the game, just holding on for a draw. SUFC going for the win based on Ipswich potentially scoring was ludicrous.

Well it's a gamble isn't it? With 9 mins to go, both United and Ipswich were drawing and if the results stayed the same, United stayed up and Ipswich went down. It follows that Ipswich will be going all out to score against a Blackburn team which was much better than then, but had nothing to play for and no doubt had one eye on the beach, with only a few mins of the season left.

United then have to decide, do they either

(a) gamble that Ipswich won't score and stick 10 players behind the ball and settle for a draw; or
(b) try and get a winner and make absolutely sure we are safe whatever Ipswich do.

I think most responsible managers would have gone for (b). Imagine thye vilification Bassett had got if he had done (a) and Ipswich had nicked a goal....

 

[Darren]

You are correct. After all never in the history of the top flight has a team fighting relegation gone to a top 2 side and won on the last day, consequently sending someone else down...

I know what you are thinking, but it is also interesting that the previous season to the one we went down in, after we won at Forest on May Day and looked safe, our chief relegation rivals, Oldham, went to runners up Villa the next day and won 1-0, meaning we had to then win at Everton on the Tuesday (which we did).

 

[Highbury_Blade]

Yes, poor old Coventry, 34 consecutive years in the top division from 1967 -2001. I think I would swap that for the 5 promotions we acheived from Divisions 2,3 and 4 in that period.

I'm not sure i would actually. Not being in the top division sucks, but then so does mid-table mediocrity.

 

[Darren]

I'm not sure i would actually. Not being in the top division sucks, but then so does mid-table mediocrity.

How about if you add in their FA Cup win in 1987?

 

[Highbury_Blade]

No Chance. Especially not given that winning the FA cup in those days meant something.

 

[sheffielder]

We are going to do it, 20 years of Wembley/Play off pain is going to end this year. We don't need the footballing gods, all we need is the lack of expectation we have right now!

 

[Selly]

Yes, poor old Coventry, 34 consecutive years in the top division from 1967 -2001. I think I would swap that for the 5 promotions we acheived from Divisions 2,3 and 4 in that period.

34 years in the top deivision. how boring!

Frustrating as it may be, watching and supporting united is never boring (on a macro level), up, down, down, up, play-offs, Cup-semi's etc etc

 

[Darren]

34 years in the top deivision. how boring!

Frustrating as it may be, watching and supporting united is never boring (on a macro level), up, down, down, up, play-offs, Cup-semi's etc etc

In that 34 years, Coventry

(a) got into Europe
(2) won the cup
(3) had a number of relegations battles, IN ALL OF WHICH THEY STAYED UP!!!
(4) Got to a few semis as well I believe.

Would any sane person really prefer United's record over that 34 years to Coventry's?