Bickering Blades

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Dr O Dell fell down a well
and broke his collar bone
but Drs should attend the sick
and leave the well alone

(Also curtesy of Spike Milligan)
 
There's been so much of it on here of late that I've been moved to write the following . I normally reserve my literary masterpieces for other occasions but in this case I've made an exception .


Why do some Blades choose to bicker
(Often when the worse for liquor)
At times like this , when all is bright
And t'other lot are total shite

At this point in our history
There's every reason we should be
Kind and gentle with each other
Treating each one like a brother

Don't call a fellow Blade a twat
There really is no need for that
(Though if not acting like a friend
You may just use the word 'bellend')

Blades come in many shapes and sizes
And it should come as no surprise if
Some with you do not agree
(Unless you're always right, like me)

So if you want to fight and squabble
Give your fucking head a wobble
And tell yourself to act grown up
Not like a yapping , snarling pup

You may just find that Blades like me
Will take your views more seriously
And even give you several likes
(Does not apply to Pigs and Tykes)

And with this new found unity
A happier bunch we all will be
And in the perfect frame of mind
To leave all others far behind

COYRAWW
Copyright IJ 2019 With acknowledgements to Robert Browning , Lord Byron and Percy Bysshe Shelley whose influences are clear to see .

(Oh , and D.H.Lawrence and Ernie Wise )
:) Very true ISJS
 
There was an old robber called doubtfire
Who left the massive in the Mire,

Ugly as sin
And oh what a chin,
But oh piggy cunts, we not longer blunts,
Out of the pan to the fire
 
I wandered lonely as a blade
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of red and white;
Beside the ground, beneath the stands,
Flouncing and dancing in the ground.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the ground:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Clapping their hands in sprightly dance.

The fans beside them danced; but they
Out-did the opposing team in glee:
A blade could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth of talent tufty to me had brought:

For oft, when on my seat I sit
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon down that pitch
Playing football which is bliss;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And sing and dance with fellow fans.

Appologies to Wordsworth.
 



I wandered lonely as a blade
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of red and white;
Beside the ground, beneath the stands,
Flouncing and dancing in the ground.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the ground:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Clapping their hands in sprightly dance.

The fans beside them danced; but they
Out-did the opposing team in glee:
A blade could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth of talent tufty to me had brought:

For oft, when on my seat I sit
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon down that pitch
Playing football which is bliss;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And sing and dance with fellow fans.

Appologies to Wordsworth.
To who?
 
In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn’t read,
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn’t puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found,
Till suddenly one wondrous night,
All in a flash, he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, “By gum, I’ve got the answer!”
“They want my bacon slice by slice
“To sell at a tremendous price!
“They want my tender juicy chops
“To put in all the butchers’ shops!
“They want my pork to make a roast
“And that’s the part’ll cost the most!
“They want my sausages in strings!
“They even want my chitterlings!
“The butcher’s shop! The carving knife!
“That is the reason for my life!”

Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great peace of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And Piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor . . .
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let’s not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he’d finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile, he said,
“I had a fairly powerful hunch
“That he might have me for his lunch.
“And so, because I feared the worst,
“I thought I’d better eat him first.”
 

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