School Project

[BusheyBlade]

Anyone here with young children will be able to relate to this...my daughter's class has a stuffed toy which each child gets to take home with them for a week so that they can have photos together and write about what they did. Today she came home with this toy and I wondered if anyone on here has any good ideas as to what my daughter and this toy could do over the next week. (My wife was against me burning it and simply sending back a pile of ash )

 

[SwissBlade]

Anyone here with young children will be able to relate to this...my daughter's class has a stuffed toy which each child gets to take home with them for a week so that they can have photos together and write about what they did. Today she came home with this toy and I wondered if anyone on here has any good ideas as to what my daughter and this toy could do over the next week. (My wife was against me burning it and simply sending back a pile of ashView attachment 32230 )

Remove your child from that school.

 

[BushBlade]

Anyone here with young children will be able to relate to this...my daughter's class has a stuffed toy which each child gets to take home with them for a week so that they can have photos together and write about what they did. Today she came home with this toy and I wondered if anyone on here has any good ideas as to what my daughter and this toy could do over the next week. (My wife was against me burning it and simply sending back a pile of ashView attachment 32230 )

Does it bounce?

 

[JohnDenver]

Recreate the Ozzie Owl desolation scene from Bouncing Day.

 

[Small Mendonca]

Draw red stripes on its chest.

 

[Grappler]

Get your wife to sow a pencil sharpener into it's arse, and then send it back to school with a pencil sticking out of it.

Hey presto!, it's practical and funny at the same time.

 

[sitwell]

The Wicker pig.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Anyone here with young children will be able to relate to this...my daughter's class has a stuffed toy which each child gets to take home with them for a week so that they can have photos together and write about what they did. Today she came home with this toy and I wondered if anyone on here has any good ideas as to what my daughter and this toy could do over the next week. (My wife was against me burning it and simply sending back a pile of ashView attachment 32230 )

When my son was at infant school they did this only with a toy rabbit. Took it to the Lane for a photo, bowling and then got images from around the world on the computer and sat the toy in front of those and took a photo.

So with Oscar, how about a photo outside the Forty Foot, Salvation Army hostel, inside of a skip, smoking a joint and one with Meggo.

Teacher won't be happy but would give us a laugh.


Late addition, put him in the photo of the sad looking pig mascots in bouncing day?

 

[Grappler]

Use felt tips to colour in some blue stripes on the chest and then write the word "Scum" across it's forehead.

Hey presto!, it's a good way to practice colouring in, and writing, and it's funny at the same time.

 

[Grappler]

Buy a small tape recorder and then record Carlos, on Youtube, saying "you see-a this-a £20 pound note, is still worth £20", then insert the small tape recorder into its insides, then sow it back up carefully, so no one can see the join. Then staple a screwed up £20 to it's forehead.

Hey presto!, it's a science project and a sowing project and it's funny at the same time!

 

[stringjunior]

Vacuum pac the owl in its bag and kill it

 

[Sean Thornton]

Vacuum pac the owl in its bag and kill it

End of thread.

 

[Cerberus Blade]

She must go to a good school mate, that's all I can say. When I was at junior school they sent me home with the school leopard, a real one, for a week and told me to write about what it got up to.

 

[Surrey Blade]

Anyone here with young children will be able to relate to this...my daughter's class has a stuffed toy which each child gets to take home with them for a week so that they can have photos together and write about what they did. Today she came home with this toy and I wondered if anyone on here has any good ideas as to what my daughter and this toy could do over the next week. (My wife was against me burning it and simply sending back a pile of ashView attachment 32230 )

Report the school to Ofsted.

 

[Hartley Hare]

I would make the owl a rather nice replica Blades shirt that should be worn for solace at a time of great stress and worry for all owls.

HH

 

[ucandomagic]

Put it in the bin, send a Captain Blade back and tell the teacher that it saw the light and had the operation.

FTP

 

[BusheyBlade]

Some great responses so far. Unfortunately many of them would be lost on the school, Sheffield football rivalry doesn't extend to North West London.

It's a shame she only has it for the week otherwise I'd take it to Loftus Road...

 

[Sean Thornton]

She must go to a good school mate, that's all I can say. When I was at junior school they sent me home with the school leopard, a real one, for a week and told me to write about what it got up to.

He's from Chesterfield. He means leper.....

 

[pommpey]

1. What is the diameter of that owl's head?
2. Do you, or your neighbours have a cat? If so, at the non-meowing end under the tail is a hole.
3. I bet, with someone holding the cat firmly, that owl's head could fit up that hole, beak an' all. You'd need to be robust with it, but if bangers will go*, then that will.
4. Let the cat go in the garden and take a shakycam vid of it running around trying to eject the stuffed toy
5. Post it on here, Porktalk and the school facebook site, with the title, "Look at this fucker!"

pommpey

* pommpey has never put bangers, or anything, up a cat's arse, readers

 

[BigBed]

Personally, if it were me, it be making it a red n white scarf and taking it to the lane on satdy pal, obviously you need atleast 100 photos of it at the lane, even with the players warming up if possible.
I'd also make sure you photograph it with it's first and 7th pint on the way to the lane, a picture with it's first pie, and with as many blades as possible.
Also, if you can pull it off, continue the evening in one or a few more, watering holes around sheff, plenty of photo opportunities there, followed by more photos with more ales, a curry and you could even push it, and get a photo with his first prostitute.
I'm pretty sure you won't have to look after another fucking stuffed bastard owl again.

 

[Rusty view]

Send it back as a golden eagle after all we all know owls are deluded fuckers.

Or write a story say saying it's been all over the world and every other bird thought Oscar was amazing and wanted to be his friend. But Oscar is very upset as the little robin who lives in the nest next to him is a far better flyer and can do far better tricks. Oscar is jealous as he thought the robin would fall out of the nest as it's too big for him. But mr robin just keeps laughing at Oscar. Oscar is very sad.

 

[BushBlade]

1. What is the diameter of that owl's head?
2. Do you, or your neighbours have a cat? If so, at the non-meowing end under the tail is a hole.
3. I bet, with someone holding the cat firmly, that owl's head could fit up that hole, beak an' all. You'd need to be robust with it, but if bangers will go*, then that will.
4. Let the cat go in the garden and take a shakycam vid of it running around trying to eject the stuffed toy
5. Post it on here, Porktalk and the school facebook site, with the title, "Look at this fucker!"

pommpey

* pommpey has never put bangers, or anything, up a cat's arse, readers

Paint the cat with orange and black stripes and let it maul the owl round the garden, recreating the 2016 play off final.

 

[blade too long]

say you had to take it to the vets as it bounced vigourously for 37 seconds then came over all depressed and confused

 

[IdLiketoRogerMoore]

Take some photos of it eating a can of second hand tuna whilst getting fooked in the ass by a large Blade!

Failing that take an 'amusing' photo of it in a shopping trolley or in the pub...

 

[Dellas Cowboys]

Buy a small tape recorder and then record Carlos, on Youtube, saying "you see-a this-a £20 pound note, is still worth £20", then insert the small tape recorder into its insides, then sow it back up carefully, so no one can see the join. Then staple a screwed up £20 to it's forehead.

Hey presto!, it's a science project and a sowing project and it's funny at the same time!

Yes, go to "Build a Bear" you can record what you want on the little voice box things that you put in soft toys. Just buy the voice box. How about "Sheffield Wednesday Fucked it up again" or if that might get them suspended just "Duffy made me cry"

Unstitch the owl a little, put in the voice box and send it back to school with a few photos as a distraction.

Don't tell your kid about the voice box they'll give the game away.

Next time some kid takes it home and happens to squeeze the little fucker they'll get a nice suprise.

 

[mancunianblade]

Recreate the Ozzie Owl desolation scene from Bouncing Day.

Better still photoshop it in to it

 

[Snowman]

I have a similar problem caused by the attached items caused by a confused Barnsley mother in law. Neither can go missing without explanation. The only upside is that our fortunes are on the up since the receipt of the very strange imitation stained glass item from Barnsley Market.

 

[ShockingBadBuy]

Is this one of those progressive schools that starts early with sex education ? If so, perhaps you might use the opportunity to facilitate discussion about rimming ?

 

[BigBed]

Is this one of those progressive schools that starts early with sex education ? If so, perhaps you might use the opportunity to facilitate discussion about rimming ?

View attachment 32245

What the fuck is that thing in the middle actually supposed to be!? It's a total fucking embarrassment, even if being a South Barnsley bastard isn't bad enough!

 

[raul]

Oscar was a very naughty little Owl. He was always being rude to his Teacher and always, always getting into trouble. One day, the Headmaster sent for Mummy Owl and Daddy Owl.

"Oh Headmaster" said Mummy Owl " we've tried everything to turn him into a good Owl, but nothing we say or do makes any difference and we are worried that when Oscar grows up he won't be able to have nice things"

The Headmaster, for he was a very wise and wonderful man, smiled at the forlorn couple. "I know what to do" he said " young Oscar needs a shock. Instead of the good role models he's surrounded with, he needs to spend time with someone who has failed in life, a complete loser so he can see what lies at the end of the path he's on. Is there anyone in the family you could send him to?"

Mummy Owl and Daddy Owl looked at each other with excitement in their eyes and at once exclaimed "UNCLE RIMMINGTON!!!, THANK YOU MR WILDER."