What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[Nearly Jimmy Hagan]

10-11 years ago, I was clean bowled by that centre-half who played for Bradford, the one who did the dwarf-throwing of Stefan Scougall. Only after I’d cut him hard through point a couple of times, mind you, and whacked him over mid-off.

He was playing league cricket in the off season (possibly not with his football club’s knowledge—he may still have been at Aberdeen at that point), and he was quite nippy. For my level anyway.

Those were about the only runs I scored all that season .

EDIT: Rory McArdle (ex porker).

I mentioned earlier in this thread that I played indoor cricket against an all star’s team with Simon Stainrod in it, from memory he wasn’t much of a bowler but it didn’t stop him appealing loudly after every single delivery!

 

[blade67]

Not entirely football, but ...

My ship was parked alongside New York for the 04 July celebrations, about fifteen months before the jets smashed into the WTCs.

As I was making my way up from the berth to Times Square, a small theatre had just finished it's matinee. Outside stood very professional and serious thesp and famous Trekkie Skipper Patrick Stewart. He was in some dismal, off Broadway production he felt was worthy of him and had hair and a beard for his character and was signing autographs and brochures for the show. The people there were stereotypical 'fat-Yank' dweebs, incels, gun-nuts, loners, virgins, and other risible friendless, dangerous bastards, some of whom were calling him 'Captain Picard'. One was dressed in full Trekkie kit. You could see this was really spiking his precious soul. Did these fucking cunts not realise that Patrick Stewart, actor, had other dramatic outlets and he could cover other roles (apart from the one that had made him a fucking millionaire, mainly from these dumb, Xanax-pumped schmucks?)

As they circled him and fired gentle questions at him ... mainly about Star Trek, I hovered on the periphery of this, mildly amused at his gathering anger, masked by a poorly veneered smile. What a cunt.

"Cap'n Picard, when is the next series bein' made, sir? Will the Borgs finally overcome the Klingons and forge the dilithium crystals from Planet Zephton?"

"Cap'n Picard! Will you sign this knock-off, wrong series Star Trek shirt made by slaves in China? Sign 'to Barbara and Enos, love from Cap'n Picard!'"

"Cap'n Picard! Cap'n Picard! Cap'n Picard!"

I sidled round alongside him, possibly a bit too close, seeing my chance to put something on the 'Now You're Stalking' page in Loaded magazine. He glanced at me, angrily and I said "Or reyt, mate?" (well, he is a Yorkshireman, isn't he?) I raised my snappy camera in reverse to do a 'selfie' (no one had really heard of selfies back then) "Can we do a photo, mate?" He looked horrified and disgusted then finally snapped.

"Do you MIND? I'd rather NOT!" he cut back directly at me, not acting now. The crowd of prawns went silent, like I'd actually killed their king. I pulled a 'oooh, hark at HER!' face and he then stomped off indignantly across the street with dweebs still chasing after him yelling 'Cap'n Picard! Cap'n Picard!' waving shit merchandise, with little puddles of piss squelching in their sneakers.

I was greatly amused by all of this. Every time I see him now, I am reminded what a supertanker-sized wanker Patrick Stewart actually is.

pommpey

A few points

1 far too interesting. Too much going on
2 none footballer related
3 a work colleague of mine bumped into him only last month and thought he was a terribly nice chap. TBF hes ex army so perhaps old Paddy just has it in for navy types

 

[blade67]

My mum's best mate used to do Ossie Ardiles' ironing for him and I was at her house once when he came to pick a load up.

Perfect for this thread 10/10

 

[Deadly_D'Jaffo]

Only yesterday I was working out in the same gymnasium as a certain Uriah Rennie. In fact come to think of it I’ve worked out in the same gym as Uriah Rennie and have even sat and talked to him in the Steam Room and Sauna of the same gym.

I’m probably also quite sure that anyone who uses the same gym as me will have seen Uriah Rennie there on multiple occasions

'Boro

 

[Carlton Blade]

Walked past Egil Ostenstad in London. He was smaller than I expected and wearing a leather jacket

 

[Sean Thornton]

When the boy was quite young we went into the club shop and it was packed. Saw an “assistant” wearing a club tracksuit - up here for thinking, down there for dancing - told him l wanted the away shirt for my son. He looked at me, said, is it for him and went and got me one. Thanked him, Great service! Noticed my son, rather than being pleased at his new shirt was staring at me in disgust. What’s wrong. That’s Rob Kozluck he said……

 

[Auld Reekie Blade]

Bumped into Dave Basset in the Airmens’ Mess at RAF Locking when the squad were down doing pre-season back in ‘92.

I asked who we had first game, “Man U, Liverpool and QPR what do think to that” says Dave “Easy nine points” I replied.

Glad I’m not a betting man.

 

[Oreyt]

Held the door of a Costa open for Barry Banana. Didn't realise it was him till he was halfway through. He was very polite to be fair.

 

[United Aren't Back.]

Dean Whitehouse in PLayers lounge at Leicester- absolute thick as pigshit- made me think just enjoy them play football- 90% are stupid and can barely converse.

But very much liked him as a footballer.

Dean? That his cousin?

 

[tyke1889]

Offered Nigel Pearson out in an executive box at the Sty, he called security and got me kicked out. Mardy twat.

You telling me that Athletico Mince have got it wrong

 

[biggiesablade]

Held the door of a Costa open for Barry Banana. Didn't realise it was him till he was halfway through. He was very polite to be fair.

Suprised you noticed the borrower looking fucker

 

[ShockingBadBuy]

Noticed my son, rather than being pleased at his new shirt was staring at me in disgust. What’s wrong. That’s Rob Kozluck he said……

In other Kozluk-related and thread-relevant news …

Waiting outside Villa Park before the disastrous fixture at the end of 2006-7, BadBuy Jr (the younger, then aged 6) was hoping for autographs. On being approached by an obliging Kozluk, he was so overwhelmed that he turned around and ran away.

 

[Le Cynique]

Suprised you noticed the borrower looking fucker

“Borrower looking fucker” is the best insult directed at Barry Bannan I’ve heard all year. Kudos, my friend.

 

[Gin&Juice]

The lad who City had who suffered from mental health issues. Michael Johnson, owns a restaurant opposite me. He sometimes pops in.

Lee Clark once asked where the toilets were at St James’s park in the hospitality area. I said no idea, but didn’t you play for them? He replied ahhh, but that was years before the did oot with the stands.

 

[Sean Thornton]

Dean? That his cousin?

Irony?

 

[WORKSOPBLADE]

Met our undefeated centre half Jake Wright at a local boozer the evening after we’d beaten Forest at home in promotion season (Duffy belter to seal it 2-0)

Down to Earth bloke, small talk was going well then stupidly forgot I wasn’t just speaking to a fellow Blade but to our starting centre half asked him “you going to Hull?”

Soon as I said it realised my massive cock-up attempted to rescue myself with a “course you’ll be going you’ll be starting” but the damage was done

Green Dragon by any chance?

 

[A Storm of Blades]

Saw Paul Beesley in Meadowhall once.

 

[Hull Blade]

Michael Bridges in a service station cafe on M1 flirting with a sort. Looked like an old boiler to me.

 

[pommpey]

A few points

1 far too interesting. Too much going on
2 none footballer related
3 a work colleague of mine bumped into him only last month and thought he was a terribly nice chap. TBF hes ex army so perhaps old Paddy just has it in for navy types

I don't think it was as much me being a 'navy type', as it were. I wasn't in uniform, wasn't going 'ooooo-arrrr!', smoking a pipe or dancing the hornpipe.

I think it was the tragic Trekkies who insisted on referring 'Paddy' as 'Cap'n Picard!' in whiny, needy, nerdy voices which said more 'virgin' than 'virtuous'.

I just wanted a selfie for Loaded. I don't give a fat rat's arse about 'Cap'n Picard' or Star Trek

pommpey

 

[DifferentClass]

When the boy was quite young we went into the club shop and it was packed. Saw an “assistant” wearing a club tracksuit - up here for thinking, down there for dancing - told him l wanted the away shirt for my son. He looked at me, said, is it for him and went and got me one. Thanked him, Great service! Noticed my son, rather than being pleased at his new shirt was staring at me in disgust. What’s wrong. That’s Rob Kozluck he said……

Reminds me of the grand opening of the Meadowhall shop. You could see these three young black lads in Blades tracksuits doing some finishing touches before opening. Saw a lad pointing at them and going "there's Mousset!"

None of them looked anything like Mousset.

 

[blade67]

A friend of mine who is a decent young footballer was invited to play in a 7 a side "pick up" game at goals last year. He was told that two players had bet £1000 on the result.
He's a centre half and to his surprise he lined up opposite lys mousett.

Got a photo after the game with the "great man", which my friend's team won 5-4.

His view from, "quick but a bit shit really, considering".

 

[More Bladier than thou]

I had a scuffle with Curtis woodhouse outside Republic nightclub, he was an apprentice at the time and seeing a lass i was mates with, he tried to strangle her for talking to someone so we laid into him, all got ejected, spilled outside then chased him but police intervened. Reyt little twat he was. She dumped him.

 

[Kendal]

I once walked past Tony Currie when leaving detention at Abbeydale

 

[Frank the tank]

I jogged past richarlison a few months ago

 

[blade67]

I had a scuffle with Curtis woodhouse outside Republic nightclub, he was an apprentice at the time and seeing a lass i was mates with, he tried to strangle her for talking to someone so we laid into him, all got ejected, spilled outside then chased him but police intervened. Reyt little twat he was. She dumped him.

Far too interesting for this thread. Perhaps start a fight I've had with a blades player thread.

 

[blade67]

I don't think it was as much me being a 'navy type', as it were. I wasn't in uniform, wasn't going 'ooooo-arrrr!', smoking a pipe or dancing the hornpipe.

I think it was the tragic Trekkies who insisted on referring 'Paddy' as 'Cap'n Picard!' in whiny, needy, nerdy voices which said more 'virgin' than 'virtuous'.

I just wanted a selfie for Loaded. I don't give a fat rat's arse about 'Cap'n Picard' or Star Trek

pommpey

Tbf pommpey, every post of yours stinks of sea dog odour. I'm sure he had you sussed

 

[Half Man Half Blade]

Saw Michel Vonk in Tesco.

 

[Paisley Blade]

I had a scuffle with Curtis woodhouse outside Republic nightclub, he was an apprentice at the time and seeing a lass i was mates with, he tried to strangle her for talking to someone so we laid into him, all got ejected, spilled outside then chased him but police intervened. Reyt little twat he was. She dumped him

I had a scuffle with Curtis woodhouse outside Republic nightclub, he was an apprentice at the time and seeing a lass i was mates with, he tried to strangle her for talking to someone so we laid into him, all got ejected, spilled outside then chased him but police intervened. Reyt little twat he was. She dumped him.

Don't advertise your postcode if his previous is owt to go on.

 

[PrestwichBlade]

I had a scuffle with Curtis woodhouse outside Republic nightclub, he was an apprentice at the time and seeing a lass i was mates with, he tried to strangle her for talking to someone so we laid into him, all got ejected, spilled outside then chased him but police intervened. Reyt little twat he was. She dumped him.

I wonder if this was the same occasion I had to get between him and a lass having an 'altercation' in Republic.

 

[Panini]

Dean Windass...every other word started with a F or a B...Nice bloke though..

I think he generally has trouble with the first letters of words...