What's your dullest anecdote about meeting a footballer?

[pommpey]

I didn't know Chlamydia did watches!

He was 'happily married' at the time, with his missus and kids living up in Bindipperland

And then he was sausaging Laura, one of our beer vendors. I was topping her mate up with manfat also and some of the stories of the idiotic, clumsy and simply dickheaded way he would treat Laura and she meekly forgave him had me fucking howling with laughter. Especially the chlamydia episode. He gave that his missus too. Laura wouldn't accept that in what she thought was a tightly-sewn triangle of cock and cunt, there was another cunt which had chlamydia first.

I'm still her mate on facebook. Not the other one I was knobbing. She hates me. I didn't give her chlamydia. Just piles from frantic backdoor action. Her call.

pommpey

 

[Champagneblade]

Saw Gerry and Kate McCann in East Midlands Airport, they looked sheepish.

This thread has taken a slightly darker turn...

 

[Champagneblade]

He was 'happily married' at the time, with his missus and kids living up in Bindipperland

And then he was sausaging Laura, one of our beer vendors. I was topping her mate up with manfat also and some of the stories of the idiotic, clumsy and simply dickheaded way he would treat Laura and she meekly forgave him had me fucking howling with laughter. Especially the chlamydia episode. He gave that his missus too. Laura wouldn't accept that in what she thought was a tightly-sewn triangle of cock and cunt, there was another cunt which had chlamydia first.

I'm still her mate on facebook. Not the other one I was knobbing. She hates me. I didn't give her chlamydia. Just piles from frantic backdoor action. Her call.

pommpey

I almost feel like I was there! Not sure if this would be under 'my take' or 'her take'

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Spent about 15 minutes sharing moans about bad knees with one of the dads of the junior cricket team I coach. Found out later that Andy was Andy Williams who played 200+ professional games at a decent level. He’s a sound bloke despite having played for Leeds.

 

[eastsussexblade]

I was out having a few drinks with Chesterfield player Jamie Hewitt back in the 90's and he asked me if I wanted a Budweiser. I told him I didn't like bud and so I opted for something else.

 

[blade too long]

I remember years ago being at a pizza parlour near Hillsboro awznd Eric Cantons came in to order one
.At that time was training with the owls and I asked if he was contemplating joining them . He replied you thick twat do I look Moronic. They are paying for my hotel

 

[Blacksea]

Met Don Givens in Switzerland and reminded him about a penalty he missed.

 

[JimW1889]

Bumped into John Terry outside the mercure when he was villa assistant and they were playing the pigs. Very drunkenly told him I hope they smash Wednesday tomorrow. Got a 'yes' back.

 

[Silent Blade]

Not a footballer, I bowled and batted against Alan Ward (played for Derbyshire, Leicestershire and England) in a practice at Dronfield Contact Cricket pitch in 1980 and first ball I bowled at him hit the shoulder of his bat and he got caught behind! I got him out quicker than the West Indian bowlers did in the 2nd innings at the Headingley test 4 years earlier (Ward batted for 47 mins against Roberts, Holding, Daniel and Holder)

 

[pommpey]

I saw Peter Barlow (Ken's Son) in the petrol station at Calver.

He wasn't very tall.

(Neither am I).

When he was in his flat and knobbing that tasty MILF, he had a photograph on his bookcase of him in Naval uniform.

I emailed the production team and told them that the hat he wore was clearly a photoshopped US Navy one and the badges he had were not of the submarine service. I also pointed out that the home of said service had moved to Devonport and Faslane years ago and any mention of him 'being in Portsmouth' for any reason was an aircraft carrier full of bison's bollocks.

The photo disappeared as has any mention of 'Portsmouth' in the script now.

Cunts.

pommpey

 

[KoppedOff]

Was up at Bracken Moor watching the Blades v Pigs reserves derby one weekday afternoon about 15 years ago. Fairly big crowd. Bloke walked past us to get to the door you go in for the bogs and stood square on my foot. He was a big fucker and it hurt. He turned round and apologised profusely, as I stood there trying to hide my agony. That man, was none other than Peter Jackson, the ex Huddersfield/Bradford manager/player.

 

[Grey Blade]

On the way to Colchester in 2012 I stopped off at Peterborough services just as some of the United team were waiting for the coach to arrive. I held the door open for Simonsen but had no conversation - other than him saying "thanks".

Today I was on the train from Harrogate to Leeds and was surprised to see Brian Dean get on. Assume he must be living near Harrogate. He was in a different carriage so no conversation - all a bit dull

 

[Bell4]

Seen a few

Saw Alan Knill walking his cockerpoo round Ulley whilst he was on garden leave , i was walking my granddaughter with the missus . We passed each other and i thought i know that face , i turned and shouted Alan , thanks for the memories and good luck in the future - he said thanks and that he was upset it had ended.

My missus asked me where id met him before and what memories was i talking about ... long conversation ensued

 

[Pedro Verde]

I once got Willie Carlins autograph as he was exiting the bogs at a service station on the M1 after we beat Watford away in the FA Cup

 

[Bell4]

I saw Darren Carr in Macro and he was absolutely massive. I said to my Dad "is that Darren Carr?" and my Dad replied "looks like him", totally non-plussed by me spying a United reserve and got on with looking at reversible belts (not as a form of corporal punishment btw).

I got a lift to the Lane a couple of times from London with Sean Bean, but I don't like to talk about it much...go on then... I used to live in Maida Vale and Sean in Belsize Park. We both used to frequent Ye Olde Swiss Cottage pub which was run by Steve, a Unitedite. I moved to Singapore not long after which was a shame as we lost touch. Lovely guy and his wife was really nice. The pool room was all decked out in United shirts!

I also met him on a train prior to this. I left him alone as he was with the girls. At the end we had a chat as my Dad and his Mum used to work for the same company. When we got off the train my Dad who was picking me up was stood chatting to his Mum who was picking them up! Not sure why that seems amusing to me but just goes to show you can take the boy out of Sheffield etc.

I also wrote to Kevin McCabe and he called me at home. I watched the QPR away game with him when one of their Directors got held at gun point.

I`ll never read a post by you in the same way again. You've almost reached B56 hero status in my eyes.

 

[Bell4]

He was 'happily married' at the time, with his missus and kids living up in Bindipperland

And then he was sausaging Laura, one of our beer vendors. I was topping her mate up with manfat also and some of the stories of the idiotic, clumsy and simply dickheaded way he would treat Laura and she meekly forgave him had me fucking howling with laughter. Especially the chlamydia episode. He gave that his missus too. Laura wouldn't accept that in what she thought was a tightly-sewn triangle of cock and cunt, there was another cunt which had chlamydia first.

I'm still her mate on facebook. Not the other one I was knobbing. She hates me. I didn't give her chlamydia. Just piles from frantic backdoor action. Her call.

pommpey

topping her up with man fat ......just fell off mi kitchen island stool

 

[1973Blade]

I saw Keith Edwards at a chippy near the Fleetwood ground. I told him that his goal against Bristol Rovers was one of my favourites. He replied that a lot of people had said that to him.

 

[stringjunior]

kitchen island stool

Oooh, somebody is doing well

 

[Bell4]

Oooh, somebody is doing well

You’re not kidding , the titanium leg has twisted - still , got another 13 to go at

 

[Bell4]

I saw Keith Edwards at a chippy near the Fleetwood ground. I told him that his goal against Bristol Rovers was one of my favourites. He replied that a lot of people had said that to him.

I told him exactly the same as he was putting his empty tray into the bin next to the tram stop - he said the sane to me

 

[BettingBlade]

Saw Alan Quinn at the top of wembley way before the Burnley play off final.

My dad offered him a tinnie…he said no……although he looked tempted.

 

[gavtheblade]

Got sat next to Lee Sandford at one of the end of season shin digs and got pissed with him.

Few years later we were sat on the same table as Monty and Johnathan Forte, really nice lads.
Monty took a shine to the missus and invited us down town with them after the awards do...I didn't make midnight

 

[sitwell]

Sat in the sauna in the gym at the Moathouse at Meadowhead with Franz Carr ,Paul Rodgers and Hans Segers. It was hot and I didnt say anything.

 

[blade67]

My son played in the same team as Neil Warnock's son, Neil hardly ever came to games and when he did he was very quiet and polite

 

[Heely bottoms underpants]

I once saw Don Revie holding my Grandma's hand in the cellar.
I hate ghosts.

 

[Geordie Blade]

I've told this one before, but...

Me (to Tommy Cowan): “Can I have your autograph?”
Tom Cowan (takes pen and signs): “Here you go.”
Me: “Thanks. Do you want mine?”
Tom Cowan: “Erm. . . alright.”
Me (signs autograph and hands it over): “There you go, son.”
Tom Cowan (trying hard to hide complete and utter bewilderment): “Thanks.”

 

[Muttley]

I once saw Derek Richardson in House of Barrington. I asked him if Bob Hatton would be playing on Satdy. He said yes.

 

[ShockingBadBuy]

I’d love to be able to say I once saw Lys Mousset buy a mop. But I can’t even say that, as it was BadBuy Jr wot saw it.

 

[Nah den]

I lived in the apartment above Steven Quinn off Chelsea Road at Brincliffe for about 18 months. Very unassuming, hardly ever saw him. 'Bombhead' off Hollyoaks also lived in that block and was a total prick.

 

[bladesadviser]

Opened a door for Nigel Spackman at Ipswich's ground, I said good luck Nigel and he said thanks. Dined out on it for years