Up to my old tricks again

[Robby Blade]

I was in the Garrick last week and in comes Piers Morgan with Mick Quinn. What I didn't know is that at the bar serving was Belinda Carlisle.

Anyway, Morgan ordered a drink and said to Mick Quinn 'I've fucked her' and Mick Quinn laughed and chucked his drink all over Belinda calling her a slag. Then all of a sudden, Bjork, who was sat eating a sarnie leaped up and started having a pop at Mick Quinn but what she didn't understand is that he's a Seventh Dan at Shotokhan Karate and he expertly front blocked her punch, delivered a front kick which caught her under the ribs and she spewed up. I ran over and said 'Easy, Mick for fuck's sake. What the fuck did you do that for?' Then Ross Kemp came over and fronted me up saying 'Back off, I have done training with the SAS for Ultimate Force, season two' but I knew he was bullshitting so I called him out on it and said 'I know you are bullshitting'. So just then one of them LBGTQ people (Sam Smith I think it was) stepped in and pushed Ross Kemp away and said 'I wouldn't, if I were you, Ross' wagging his finger. Mick Quinn was seriously shitting himself now because he knew I could have him an all and I walked off with Belinda Carlisle and fucked her all night.

Ghengis

Now if only you could fit that into a My Take.

 

[djbaldken]

There is mate. She gave me a lift in her Bentley and although she was rooering she said 'I'm fucking horny as a bison for thee' just because I'd fronted up Ross Kemp. I forgot to say ... I fucking chinned Piers Morgan just before I left for saying horrible things about Belinda and he went down like a sack of shit. Then I turned to pick Bjork up but she tried to get at so she got a slap an' all and Louis Theroux I think said he was going to call the police on me so I winked at Belinda and she grabbed her coat and we left, went back to her place and I gave her dozens of orgasms all night, got up, made some toast and then got on top of her again and gave her some more. Got back and my back was in tatters and my mate who was at the Garrick after we left said that Ross Kemp started rooering and slapped his missus cos she called him a cunt. S'true.

Ghengis

(postscript: There are kids in the navy who tell stories like this, even today)

I think you ve been writing the script for some of the bizarre dreams I ve had this week.
Seriouly.
Night before last I dreamt I was going to meet Lilly Allen at her house. (why her, I've no idea, she s not someone I ever think about)
I arrived at a council house estate and her father, Keith Allen, was in the front garden in shorts and a T shirt surrounded by a pack of dogs. His opening words were 'I hope you like dogs'. Strangely I resisted the obvious comment.
It then got even more bizarre when I got in the house. Lilly wasnt there but there were tv screens on every wall showing clips of the three stooges!!

Im still trying to work out what the fuck that was all about.

 

[cahill]

Congratulations on threatening people with violence. You sound hilarious.

We must all be woke pc snowflakes for not recognising the humour in bullying.

 

[Sean Thornton]

You’ve had a while to come up with that post and I’ll be honest, it’s poor. It’s been all downhill since your first post.

I think Fallowfield has been selling franchises to continue his humorous meanderings on here.

 

[lazyfecklessblade]

Funny the subject of this rambling piece of bullshit, is the biggest rambling bullshitter we’ve ever seen in public office.

Come to think of it, OP might want to get that family tree checked.