The bilge pump is working frantically........

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Blade55

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........but the feet are getting wet. Sailing against a head wind, without a proper angle of attack, the Club is getting dragged towards the rocks where the Sirens of Doom are regaling us with songs of the past – the Fat Lady is having her make up applied.

On the horizon aboard HMS Prince Abdullah, Admiral McCabe is being keelhauled for gross dereliction of duty in using our proud heritage as a figurehead for his expanding business empire. Captain Weir is walking the plank above the Sea of Discarded Shoes.

Meanwhile HMS Blades, forged in pride and passion, battles across the Ocean of Uncertainty in search of the Port of Good Hope.

Yo! Ho! Ho! Me hearties and pass me the grog.
 

I think what you're trying to say is the Bastarding blades.
 
........but the feet are getting wet. Sailing against a head wind, without a proper angle of attack, the Club is getting dragged towards the rocks where the Sirens of Doom are regaling us with songs of the past – the Fat Lady is having her make up applied.

On the horizon aboard HMS Prince Abdullah, Admiral McCabe is being keelhauled for gross dereliction of duty in using our proud heritage as a figurehead for his expanding business empire. Captain Weir is walking the plank above the Sea of Discarded Shoes.

Meanwhile HMS Blades, forged in pride and passion, battles across the Ocean of Uncertainty in search of the Port of Good Hope.

Yo! Ho! Ho! Me hearties and pass me the grog.

Well its simple. You bear away onto a broad reach, get full sail out and get clear of those damned rocks. I knew my Avatar would come in useful one day! Alternatively, put the lump on, hoist a steadying sail and alter course away from the rocky stuff. By the way what's Mr Porter doing and where is Midshipman Flynn?
 
Get Roger the Cabin Boy ,Master Bates and Seaman Stains pronto.
 
Being one better qualified to comment here:

The bilge pump has been fucked for years. In carrying out it's primary function of assuaging floodwater to prevent an adverse change in the metacentric height of the vessel, depleting it's righting lever and encouraging free-surface-induced list, it sucked in a bale of rags in the form of Bryan Robson. They blocked the inlet strainer, and left the crew fruitlessly baling out the floodwater with dustpans and buckets.

Nobody's bothered much about the bilge pump. It's sat there, in the lower reaches of the ship, neglected, chocked with shit and stuff that shouldn't be there.

Meanwhile, the ship's engines, normally functioning correctly, were sold off bit by bit to power other ships. In their place, smaller, cheaper units were installed. They malfunctioned, failed to perform, or just simply stopped working. Where they were working, the ship's Captain ran them anyway and the ship plodded on in all kinds of seas, but usually made no headway. Where the current was against the direction of travel, frequently the engines would fail even to overcome that, resulting in HMS Blades going backwards or in naval parlance, travelling astern. Any Captain worth his salt would recognise this and to save his ship, reinstall or buy upgraded engines. But for him, as long as the shafts were turning, why worry, eh?

The ships guns, the method by which they prosecute their campaigns, for some strange reason fire shells way below the calibre. Anyone with a knowledge of naval gunfire and ballistics will know that a naval artillery round is a high-velocity, high-explosive device, which is driven along it's spin-stabilised trajectory by high-quality, precision guidance systems and a meaty amount of cordite. To summarise, its exciting, high-accuracy stuff and having watched Naval Gunfire Support land on opposition territory using long range imaging, I vouch that you need quality people and quality equipment. Anyone under that amount of death from afar wil definitely know how punishing this phenomenon is. Ask any Argentine conscript. But the ship has been firing budget armament for too long. Too small for the calibre, too small a charge and the guidance system is fucked.

The ships missile and point-defence defence system, ostensibly in some areas a prototype/hybrid with older parts, is (on paper) a worldbeater. In previous campaigns, anything thrown at the ship has been artfully slapped away, or ended up in bits in the water. But weapons systems evolve. They also devolve or fall victim to complacency. See HMS Sheffield, sister ship to HMS Blades. The system, two high velocity multi-barrelled guns that point out to port and starboard, are not possibly the best money can buy and allow fast moving targets past, toward the ship with frightening regularity. The missiles, designed to take out high-angle attacks from accurate inbound targets, are sometimes slow to load, sometimes slow to acquire and often never leave the launcher.

The result of this is HMS Blades has been holed many times. She is shipping water in many compartments and is listing badly, with smoke pouring from various hits along her superstructure and waterline and her crew, loyal, faithful individuals who invest their faith, money and love in the vessel are powerless to do much because the Captain hasn't invested in the right areas, and has just dished out more dustpans whilst everyone awaits the next wave of attacks.

Unless the Captain breaks out the locker with the damage control gear, gets the equipment fixed or better still replaced, it will lose its reserve of buoyancy, capsize and sink, taking all hands with it.

pommpey
 
We need a good few old-fashioned sea dogs, like days of yore when we sailed the seas with pride!

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I think we should run on to the pitch to the theme tune from Captain Pugwash.
 

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