Share a funny away day story?

[ironbar]

Especially if Jowitts on form , funny man.

Jowitts famous chat up line to Mother and Daughter walking along Paternoster walk while waiting for coach to arrive " DOES SHE TAKE IT UP SHITTER ":thumbdown:.

 

[Casper]

i too have been with the shredmeister many many times over the past 30 years or so. The man is a legend. Must admit though i prefer a bit of comfort in my old age. Cant beat a cozy hotel bed at the end of a good nights drinking

 

[bricktop]

A few years ago, when the Blades used to go down to Cornwall pre-season. I had a week off work and nothing to do so i took the train down to Looe, a place where i had spent a summer season working a couple of years before in a restaurant.

When United played Tavistock, a lass who i knew from those days to the match with me was not doing anything and asked if she could come with me as she had never seen a match before. I said, yeah, no problem and took her along. After the match we decided to have a few drinks before getting the bus back to Plymouth and a taxi back to Looe. One thing led to another and before long we was necking like teenagers on the back of a bus on the way to Plymouth. The bus them stopped in what appeared to be in the middle of nowhere before Shred and about half a dozen others boarded and his first words to me "whats tha doin here young 'un". We ended up getting off the bus in Plymouth with Shred and the others and going boozing in Plymouth until the early hours, and she was treated to an evening on a mini Shred Tour. I ended up taking her back to a B and B, and did the dirty deed, the next morning i woke up and couldn't believe that i ended up pulling a bird who i fancied like mad a couple of years before but wasn't playing ball, and also that not only had i pulled her, i had partaken in a top boozing session with Shred and a few others as well.

Whenever i see Shred he usually nearly always asks me about that bird i pulled in Cornwall, and usually says something along the lines of she was oreyt her. Quite what she made of a night out with Shred i'm not to sure but she is on my facebook nowadays so she must have enjoyed it either way.

I've had loads and loads of good away days. Its just the whole getting away from the mundane reality of normal life to go boozing with good mates in a faraway town whilst watching Sheffield United that does it for me.

The best season for me was the 2005/06 season without any shadow of a doubt. I went virtually everywhere from the first game of the season, QPR when i was that pissed i spent most of the second half fast asleep and was only awoken when a mate woke me up as the stewards wanted to lob me out, Watford when me and one my mates went boozing the night before until about 5am, before getting the 727 out of Sheffield and my mate was on the red bull all day and supping gallons of the stuff before collapsing in the match with Red Bull Poisoning, Leicester away where i was challenged to drink as many cans as i could on the train between Sheffield and Leicester, and ended up putting away about 12 and being smashed and falling off the train in Leicester, i went to the match and in a moment of alcohol induced inspiration i decided it was a good idea to ring up Football Heaven and unleash a barely comprehensible torrent of invective about Neil Warnock. Going to Preston on a friday night as i had worked in the day and decided ad hoc to go to the match by myself as no-one was going and i just fancied going. A long, long trip on the supporters coach down to Southampton around Christmas time to see a 1-0 win. A freezing cold night match at Derby with coincided with a mates birthday, and starting the day at 9am in the bankers draft and having an all day session of biblical proportions and seeing another 1-0 win. Going to Stoke near the end of the season with a big group of us, and finding a abandoned television outside a boozer opposite Derby station where we had stopped for refreshments, picking it up and carting it round all day with us. And then Luton away where i went dressed up as the Tazmanian Devil, around 20 of us went down that day dressed up as various different characters. There was 2 Austin Powers, The Mask, The Pink Panther, Fred and Barney Flintstone, Robin Hood, Catwoman, a couple of naughty schoolgirls, a cowboy, a couple of old women, and god knows whatever else. A major drama about me losing my ticket and ending up with a broken hand as i punched a wall out of frustration, and after a long, long day of boozing i met my future mother-in-law for the first time when i got back to my bird's flat despite telling her i was going to my own gaff at the end of the night, and her mother was stopping overnight at her flat, and in an optimal state of refreshment, stinking of sweat as it had been red hot all day and i had done nothing but sweat profusely in a full furry fancy dress costume, and ended up waking both of them up serenading our lass with 'only fools fall in love' outside her bedroom window.

Back in those days i don't think life could have been any better for a lad in his 20's with plenty of money in his pocket with a keen interest in birds, blades and putting as much neck oil down his throat as possible.

Last away day i went on was Bolton in the cup and i ended up enjoying a stellar session with a good group of mates all day in Manchester, Bolton, Manchester again and eventually back in Sheffield. Due to being married with a baby, having stuff like bills and mortgage to pay and a thousand and other one other things needing my money days out like that are now the exception rather than the norm, but a good Sheffield United away day is something that i look forward to and when i get the chance to go, i usually appreciate it more than ever

 

[scunnyspireite]

Some fantastic stories here, best response i've had without a doubt - bravo!

Does anybody have a problem with me using them on the website? One will def make story of the week and i'm thinking "don't show me up woman" - class!

 

[SouthEssexBlade]

I've no objections to any of mine being used. That whole Div 4 season could be a book in itself on away day stories, hell Darlington on it's own could be. I stood next to a Mackem that day who decided to wander to that rather than see Sunderland in London and he said it was the most amazing surreal football experience he'd ever had. I know many Blades of the time took the view like myself and my friends that this was a once only chance to see the Blades at places such as Rochdale, Halifax et al in a league game. If you check the stats I think every single highest league gate for the division that season involved the Blades.

 

[ironbar]

i too have been with the shredmeister many many times over the past 30 years or so. The man is a legend. Must admit though i prefer a bit of comfort in my old age. Cant beat a cozy hotel bed at the end of a good nights drinking

I also like a cozy bed at the end of good day on the lash but a i'am afraid this one didn't materialize this was a Shred weekend trip to Wimbledon stopping at the Ramada hotel Earls Court as normal i had a few tinnies on the way down stopped at Vauxhall Bridge for dinner time stripper session on the Fri out on the town Fri night Sat Dinner at Wimbledon supping with David Jason of "only fools and horses "fame great guy took the game in last game of season lost 4-0 back to hotel for wash and brush up down West End at night arrived back at hotel only to find that it was Sainsbury's annual staff dinner and dance free bar on in the conference room which seated 2000 people needless to say a few of us found our way in after a few more jars i found myself on the dance floor with the winner of the Miss Sainsburys beauty contest she came from Aberdeen to cut a long story short i asked the young lady if she fancied a coffee in my room as a night cap thinking that my room mate our leader SHRED would still be sluring at a bar somewhere only on opening the door and to my surprise i found the drunken one already in bed with an uninvited guest HEPPY now anyone who knows H the large one also knows that he can pass enough GAS to supply the whole of the UK now let me tell you the mixture of GAS and second hand ALE is not the sort of fragrance to greet myself never mind a very good looking young lady from north of the border not only the stench but the sight of HEPPY in his undercrackers and SHRED with his jeans around his ankles together in bed is not a pretty sight anyway the lady declined my offer and stormed off leaving me with only one option which was to tip both the drunken Blademen out of bed and push them out into the corridor locking them out until i had time to cool down i dont know where Heppy went i found Shred asleep outside the door the following morning still with his jeans around his ankles now anyone privileged to be on this weekend will indeed have their own stories to tell one could write a book just on this one trip alone another tale is of one of the lads who took his then girl friend on the trip with him his room was on the top floor this hotel consists of 7 floors on the Fri evening after the West End lash and in the lift back to their room Steve got a little amorous and both parties stripped off completely naked on reaching the 7 floor Steve being the gentleman that he is collected all the items off clothing and pressed the ground floor button jumping out with his girl friend still inside so up and down she went only to find on reaching the ground floor some members of the Japan wrestling team who were also stopped at the hotel waiting to enter the lift their eyes went from slant to round in just a second you will be interested to know this couple are no longer together if anyone else had the good fortune to be on this trip a few reminders of the goings on would be a treat.:drunk::header::drunk::loopy::kissass::thumbup:

 

[Samantha]

I also like a cozy bed at the end of good day on the lash but a i'am afraid this one didn't materialize this was a Shred weekend trip to Wimbledon stopping at the Ramada hotel Earls Court as normal i had a few tinnies on the way down stopped at Vauxhall Bridge for dinner time stripper session on the Fri out on the town Fri night Sat Dinner at Wimbledon supping with David Jason of "only fools and horses "fame great guy took the game in last game of season lost 4-0 back to hotel for wash and brush up down West End at night arrived back at hotel only to find that it was Sainsbury's annual staff dinner and dance free bar on in the conference room which seated 2000 people needless to say a few of us found our way in after a few more jars i found myself on the dance floor with the winner of the Miss Sainsburys beauty contest she came from Aberdeen to cut a long story short i asked the young lady if she fancied a coffee in my room as a night cap thinking that my room mate our leader SHRED would still be sluring at a bar somewhere only on opening the door and to my surprise i found the drunken one already in bed with an uninvited guest HEPPY now anyone who knows H the large one also knows that he can pass enough GAS to supply the whole of the UK now let me tell you the mixture of GAS and second hand ALE is not the sort of fragrance to greet myself never mind a very good looking young lady from north of the border not only the stench but the sight of HEPPY in his undercrackers and SHRED with his jeans around his ankles together in bed is not a pretty sight anyway the lady declined my offer and stormed off leaving me with only one option which was to tip both the drunken Blademen out of bed and push them out into the corridor locking them out until i had time to cool down i dont know where Heppy went i found Shred asleep outside the door the following morning still with his jeans around his ankles now anyone privileged to be on this weekend will indeed have their own stories to tell one could write a book just on this one trip alone another tale is of one of the lads who took his then girl friend on the trip with him his room was on the top floor this hotel consists of 7 floors on the Fri evening after the West End lash and in the lift back to their room Steve got a little amorous and both parties stripped off completely naked on reaching the 7 floor Steve being the gentleman that he is collected all the items off clothing and pressed the ground floor button jumping out with his girl friend still inside so up and down she went only to find on reaching the ground floor some members of the Japan wrestling team who were also stopped at the hotel waiting to enter the lift their eyes went from slant to round in just a second you will be interested to know this couple are no longer together if anyone else had the good fortune to be on this trip a few reminders of the goings on would be a treat.:drunk::header::drunk::loopy::kissass::thumbup:

Oh yes, I can sympathise with that!!

Shred is just a hero. I'd welcome Derek Goodison stories too. He even beats Shred.

Well, some of them anyway!!! Some of them I have to cover my ears up!!

 

[beightonblade]

I'll tell yer sum stories ....... £50 a time, do yer want me Paypal details ?

 

[happyhippy]

Well, some of them anyway!!! Some of them I have to cover my ears up!!

Ha ha! He certainly has a way with, er, words!

 

[ironbar]

Oh yes, I can sympathise with that!!

Well, some of them anyway!!! Some of them I have to cover my ears up!!

A true GOODISON story after being arrested once again for being intoxicated. While walking back to the coaches after playing Liverpool away another away loss Goody came across two police officers obstructing the footpath his kind words of advise to the said officers goes something like this Goodison " Shift Mother Fuckers " officers reply " your nicked " Goodison " Listen up I'm an 18 stone ocean going oven ready Blademan copper now FUCK OFF " this reply was read out in court also Goody still has the pink slip to prove it this guy is now well into his 70s and still puts many a man,woman or beast to shame with his prowess of supping i still drink and sit with the old Blademan on match days in his hay day Goody has brought many a fool hardy young Blade down to earth with a bump by trying to keep up with the BEER MONSTER his party piece was to wait until last orders at the end of a long away day session by saying lets Treble up Blademen ordering three pints to sup in the allowed ten minute drinking up time to see the look of fear and change of color in the young pups faces i can still see to this day and the look and smirk on Goody's face thinking look at all that extra ale to sup Goody's normal intake of ale at that time was something like 12 pints at dinner and 18 in the evening depending on a win or lose situation HO HAPPY DAYS alas after his stroke a good few years ago Goody can only hold one glass at a time now so he has had to slow down a little but it has not stopped his colorful vocabulary and use of words long may he grace BDTBL along with SHRED this man is a legend.:beer::drunk::header::beer::drunk::rant::thumbup:

 

[Casper]

The thing about Shred aswell........he's an absolutely top bloke. A real genuine man. I, like probably 100s of other older Blades, only know him to say "how do" and pass the odd few comments. But given the fact that literally 1000s of different blades must have crossed his path on away trips over x number of years, he still has the decency and common courtesy to acknowledge you and pass a few words.

Lol reading this thread though im sure Shred's words would be summat like ......"giwower yer daft gets".

 

[ironbar]

The thing about Shred aswell........he's an absolutely top bloke. A real genuine man. I, like probably 100s of other older Blades, only know him to say "how do" and pass the odd few comments. But given the fact that literally 1000s of different blades must have crossed his path on away trips over x number of years, he still has the decency and common courtesy to acknowledge you and pass a few words.

Lol reading this thread though im sure Shred's words would be summat like ......"giwower yer daft gets".

Have you ever tryed to talk to Shred over a phone only SJRA the DutchBlade can understand him .:loopy::thumbup:

 

[Samantha]

A true GOODISON story after being arrested once again for being intoxicated. While walking back to the coaches after playing Liverpool away another away loss Goody came across two police officers obstructing the footpath his kind words of advise to the said officers goes something like this Goodison " Shift Mother Fuckers " officers reply " your nicked " Goodison " Listen up I'm an 18 stone ocean going oven ready Blademan copper now FUCK OFF " this reply was read out in court also Goody still has the pink slip to prove it this guy is now well into his 70s and still puts many a man,woman or beast to shame with his prowess of supping i still drink and sit with the old Blademan on match days in his hay day Goody has brought many a fool hardy young Blade down to earth with a bump by trying to keep up with the BEER MONSTER his party piece was to wait until last orders at the end of a long away day session by saying lets Treble up Blademen ordering three pints to sup in the allowed ten minute drinking up time to see the look of fear and change of color in the young pups faces i can still see to this day and the look and smirk on Goody's face thinking look at all that extra ale to sup Goody's normal intake of ale at that time was something like 12 pints at dinner and 18 in the evening depending on a win or lose situation HO HAPPY DAYS alas after his stroke a good few years ago Goody can only hold one glass at a time now so he has had to slow down a little but it has not stopped his colorful vocabulary and use of words long may he grace BDTBL along with SHRED this man is a legend.:beer::drunk::header::beer::drunk::rant::thumbup:

Ah yes... the drawer of police papers....

He recently asked a member of Tesco staff to move out of the way (politely), they ignored him, so he asked again - politely, they still ignored him. His response? "Now then motherfucker get out of my fucking way" - he was duly asked to leave the store!!

 

[ironbar]

Ah yes... the drawer of police papers....

He recently asked a member of Tesco staff to move out of the way (politely), they ignored him, so he asked again - politely, they still ignored him. His response? "Now then motherfucker get out of my fucking way" - he was duly asked to leave the store!!

Yes Samantha iam afraid Goody has mellowed quite a lot in his old age the MOTHERFUCKER quote would have come at the first time of asking not so many years ago can you also answer this question WHEN was the last time Goodison actually went to the bar to buy a pint HIMSELF instead of sending someone.

 

[happyhippy]

Yes Samantha iam afraid Goody has mellowed quite a lot in his old age the MOTHERFUCKER quote would have come at the first time of asking not so many years ago can you also answer this question WHEN was the last time Goodison actually went to the bar to buy a pint HIMSELF instead of sending someone.

I wouldn't say he's mellowed as such, just become more quietly cantankerous.