'On the night, we felt it appropriate to leave Evans' name out of the announced team in the light of recent events. We did not wish to alter the vote, which was made prior to the trial, but firmly believe this small acknowledgement of changed circumstance was the right and responsible thing to do,' said a PFA spokesman in my fictional press release.
And who could object to such basic decency? Instead, football forged ahead, oblivious to wider sensibilities, again creating the impression that the PFA's members are not so much trade unionists as privileged beneficiaries of an exclusive club. No precedents would have been set by Evans' exclusion, no millstones tied, because this was clearly a unique event.
Instead, the sport's relationship with half the population appears more skewed than ever; as, increasingly, does the stance of the unequivocal, unquestioning modern supporter. On Tuesday, Sheffield United suspended one of Evans' team-mates, Connor Brown, for a particularly repulsive outburst on Twitter.
Following the verdict, he called the victim a 'moneygrabbing tramp'. 'If u r a slag, u r a slag, don't try get money from being a slag,' he posted, semi-literately. Brown having pushed the boundaries of acceptability, the gates opened and a tidal wave of slurry poured through.
'In a Premier Inn with 2 footballers after a night out. Expecting tiddlywinks? And ruin a poor blokes life? ! #golddigger #chedevans #freeched... How can there be any evidence if the silly bitch can't remember anything... There's some birds in this pub who would defo get the #ChedEvans treatment...think. #ThereButForTheGraceOfGodGoI... If nailing a tramp who is too w****red to say no is a crime then the old bill need to get down to mine with a set of cuffs... I hope that silly tramp gets properly raped one day... #chedevans going to jail shows that women will come up with any excuse to get their 15 minutes of fame. . . #ChedEvansinocent !! #DrunkenSlag - moneygrabbing whore!!... Nobody knows facts the girl has done this before! There are now videos of her going around getting smashed by diff blokes.'
Excuse the English. It does seem like primitive code at times. Personally, I find those who quite cheerfully consider themselves rapists on the sly the most worrying social specimens, but you probably have your own favourite.
And there is more where this came from. Plenty more. Plenty of other people who think because a woman went back to a hotel with one man, she should be expecting to accommodate several, plus a camera, or that getting anonymously raped equates to an especially desperate quest for celebrity.
And she's had sex before! Well, that's just asking for it. 'Locked away for 5 years for lack of consent,' one Einstein mused, mystified. Yes, that would be the rape part. If you've got consent, it's sex. If you haven't, it's rape. It's not exactly a nuance. The girl Evans raped was drunk. So drunk she fell over in a kebab shop before agreeing to accompany another footballer, Clayton McDonald of Port Vale, back to his hotel.
Evans arrived because McDonald spoke to him on a mobile telephone and announced he had 'got a bird', like he had been out trapping them with nets. Evans arrived and had sex with the girl after McDonald, while others attempted to film what happened. The vulturous McDonald was charged with rape but acquitted, Evans got five years.
We presume the jury reasoned that, despite being in an advanced state of incapability, agreeing to go to the hotel with McDonald was consent, of sorts, and she may have even initiated the one-night stand. Evans was no part of that conversation; hence his behaviour was not consensual.
It can be a minefield, this stuff, and the evidence from all quarters was rather sordid. Nobody would argue the young woman was wise, but you will notice the hashtags: #freeched, #justice for Ched. Now there's an irony. Evans got justice; that is what unfolded at Caernarfon Crown Court before and during last Friday. Evans' case was processed through the Crown Prosecution Service.
The jury considered evidence - more detailed than is publicly available - and gave its guilty verdict. Judge Merfyn Hughes QC then passed sentence. That's justice, right there: except football prefers its bespoke version.
Just as Joey Barton arrogantly believed the rules of sub-judice impaired his right to free speech rather than enshrining the right of others to a fair trial, so the most entrenched supporters treat a courtroom or tribunal verdict as the start of the debate, not its conclusion.
Considering the fall-out from the Luis Suarez affair it would be possible to believe the panel appointed by the FA had returned an open decision, not one of guilt resulting in an eight-game ban; and whatever happens to John Terry this summer, his innocence of aiming a racial slur will be disbelieved, or his guilt unaccepted, according to allegiance.
A courtroom trial no longer provides closure but is merely the prelude to the inevitable trial by phone-in. Evans was judged by a jury of his peers, who heard many hours of evidence. Not enough, apparently. There is another jury, peopled entirely by fans in red and white stripes, encouraged by our reality vote, internet messageboard, interactive age to believe that no subject is concluded until they have had their say.
Not all Sheffield United fans are blindly loyal in the face of the evidence, but there are enough out there to make a commotion, or at least demand a retrial - including 3,000 on a Facebook site - because the default position for any footballer found guilty of anything is to go to appeal (Evans is considering it, according to his legal team).
That is where we are these days. Supporting has become an extreme sport. You don't just follow your team any more, you get behind rapists, racists, cheats and violent thugs; a free pass is always on offer providing you wear the right colours. The majority of those wanting Evans free do not extend that latitude to any desire he may have to freely play elsewhere on his release.
This relationship is conditional on his continued devotion to one club and one cause. Many of those crying freedom loudest do not base their views on a painstaking analysis of the minutiae of the case, either; they want Evans released because he is their man and it will benefit their club. Any argument is then tailored to fit that agenda.
Just as half of Merseyside suddenly became authorities in Rioplatense Spanish when the interpretation of this dialect was crucial to the exoneration of Suarez, so the motivations and character of a teenage girl will now be inspected and found wanting. In fact, they already have.
The identity of Evans' victim is out there, on Twitter - and courtesy of some clod, on Sky News, too - because nothing is taboo to a football pressure group with a well-honed sense of injustice. It used to be that your team got the worst referees; now they get the most trumped-up rape charges or the poorest interpretations of South American racial epithets.
The lip-reading community should brace itself for a blue storm if Terry's case goes against him this summer, while the admirable decision of the Manchester United fanzine Red Issue to denounce Ashley Young for diving became nationally newsworthy because of its unfamiliar departure from traditional party lines.
And, of course, to be biased is the nature of the fan. Loyalty, support, standing together is the essence of the role. Yet who did Evans harm, beside his victim? His club. The club they all profess to love: Sheffield United. They have enjoyed a good season but go into this weekend in second place, just a point clear of city rivals Sheffield Wednesday with two games remaining.
To this end, they could really do with one of the best strikers in the league, particularly at home to useful, promotion-chasing Stevenage on Saturday. Evans has really let them down. Experience indicates, however, that far from opprobrium in his absence, far from being required to take responsibility for his behaviour and its consequences, Evans will receive vocal support.
Only one Ched Evans? That's the problem. The last few days would suggest in his attitudes at least, he is far, far from alone.
