Referee Application Form

[shorehamview]

Would you like to referee a Sheffield United home match, at Bramall Lane?

Simply fill in our application form to see if you have what it takes.

1. Are you a qualified referee?

a. Yes.
b. No.
c. No, but I'll try almost anything once.


2. Do you like Northeners?

a. Yes.
b. Not too fussed either way.
c. I hate them with a passion, gor blimey guv.


3. Do you like Sheffield?

a. Yes, it's great.
b. It's okay.
c. Are you mental? It's a rundown former industrial shithole full of potholes.


4. Do you like Sheffielders?

a. They're great. Proper people.
b. They're like any other people I suppose.
c. No, I fucking hate them.


5. Do you like Sheffield United?

a. Yes, they're great.
b. As a referee I have no bias.
c. No. I loathe them with a passion, and want them kicked out of the league. No, make that off the planet.


6. Do like to hear Sheffield United fans booing you and baying for your head on a stick?

a. No, why should I?
b. No, are you insane?
c. Yep. Sod the lot of them. It makes my willy hard.




If you answered all c then congratulations, you have what it takes to referee a Sheffield United fixture. Please bring your kit, whistle, cards, notebook, Mickey Mouse watch, spare whistle, forceps and blinkers to Bramall Lane where you will be asked to demonstrate a complete lack of impartiality, common sense or indeed eyesight. Have fun, and don't forget, one foul against the opposition equals ten fouls against Sheffield United.

 

[Linz]

See SV, that'd be funny if it wasn't so true.

I'm not one for conspiracy theories, so the only conclusion to draw is that they're all absolutely shite and there is absolutely no form of redress for a club because as soon as you point out how crap they are, you get fined.

 

[Zlatan]

"Are you blind?"

"Yes."

"Congratulations, you've got the job!"

 

[beechblade]

Its high time the FA started fining referees, they have been shite this season and some not just for us, some of the decisions I have seen have been a complete and utter joke.

 

[SteelCity Blade]

The two things (that as a player myself) I would love to learn are:-

A) How to foul a player whilst I'm in posession of the football. It seems to be something our players are excellent at.....or so referees think. Amazing!

B) Being able to foul a player behind me, who is climbing on my back. Another talent ive never seen perfected outside Bramall Lane.

Despite being a completely unknown art, referees have picked up on our players doing it. Am I missing something????

 

[Nick Jansky]

I usually stick up for refs, I think they have a horrible job. But we do seem to get a lot less than our fair share of decisions, and I do think its a hangover from Warnock. Ertl's booking today was unbelievable, a joke.

 

[Northyorksblade]

Funny when all sides are singing the referees a wanker!

 

[super_pig]

the referee was shocking today for both sides..unbelievable incompetence.. he was lucky the game didnt boil over (not helped by brown btw..do you really want this shit back in the red and white?).. even our goal.. it was never a handball the guy wasn't even facing play

 

[JohnDenver]

The two things (that as a player myself) I would love to learn are:-

A) How to foul a player whilst I'm in posession of the football. It seems to be something our players are excellent at.....or so referees think. Amazing!

B) Being able to foul a player behind me, who is climbing on my back. Another talent ive never seen perfected outside Bramall Lane.

Despite being a completely unknown art, referees have picked up on our players doing it. Am I missing something????

Oh yes, Leon Britton being penalised for running after the ball... Hilarious.

How many fouls did Kitson commit? You know, the enormous bloke with a bright orange head who kept clouting people? Not many...

 

[Compound_Legend]

I had a club in the Imperial League for 6 seasons,and if we'd had 2 refs as bad as the 2 we've seen in the last 2 games,I'd have been on the blower to the ref's secretary to stop sending us such duckeggs!

For those who have dealings with Sunday football,you'd swear you see better referees on pitch 7 at Warminster Road.At the side of the pillock we had today,they were like having Collina in charge.

the referee was shocking today for both sides..unbelievable incompetence.. he was lucky the game didnt boil over (not helped by brown btw..do you really want this shit back in the red and white?).. even our goal.. it was never a handball the guy wasn't even facing play

Agreed....since he left the Lane,Brown's lost a yard or more,become a dirty bar-steward,and moaned so much to the referee,it was like the second coming of Billy Bremner...

Remember the good times...but let's move on - we can do SO much better than him now.

 

[super_pig]

heh. the ref should have just handed him his shirt and whistle.. he might have done a better job actually

 

[sitwell]

I thought Michael Brown did ref the game today. That fat twat in black never moved more than 10 yards from the centre circle all game ,he was much worse than the clown v Scunny ,and as for that wing nutted bastard with the flag in front of the JSS ,bonkers.

 

[Foxy]

as for that wing nutted bastard with the flag in front of the JSS ,bonkers.

Him and his mate in the middle caused me a great deal of throat pain today. On the plus side, I got plenty of exersise

 

[super_pig]

wasn't he the same ref as the great reading robbery a couple of seasons back?

 

[Elsecar_Blade]

It was Grant Hegley wasn't it?

Also infamous for upsetting Warnock at the Madejski in the promotion season when Gillespie was chopped in half in the area and he played on ...

EDIT: I see that super_pig has got there first!