snootyfenooty
Growing old disgracefully
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2016
- Messages
- 6,831
- Reaction score
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- Banned
- #1
As the season will soon be upon us, I have assessed United's present situation, listened to the opinions of experts on a certain football forum and created an algorithm specific to Sheffield United. The probability is based on an industry standard of 95%.
August: United's opener results in a 0-4 thrashing. There's not much concern as fans are united in the view that we can't expect too much against an ex-premier league club and we would have thrashed 'em anyway if Couttsy was back to full fitness. United get stuffed in the EFL Cup but that's OK as we can now concentrate on the league.
September: With United sitting near the bottom of the league, we come up against Brum. Che Adams scores a hat trick in a 0-3 defeat. Fans are outraged as he celebrates in front of his own fans. This is followed by a home defeat against Millwall but most of the fury is directed against SYP for forcing the fans to make a detour via Heeley bottom to get back into town after the match.
October: Another fruitless month culminating in a home defeat to Wigan. No worries claim the fans, they've just come up from L1 and have momentum and pashun. And anyway, our new signing Kyle McClogger from Northampton U21's didn't arrive in time for the pre-season and needs time to gel.
November: Eagerly awaited derby match, seen by many as "our season starts here". 0-0 draw with no shots on goal. Billy substituted after 5 minutes and Wilder says "what the fuck do you expect from a 33 year old, we needed some fresh legs out there!". Misery compounded by pig fans going mental at successive 0-0 wins at the Lane.
December: Bottom of the league and alarm bells suddenly start to ring. The Prince decides he's had enough and decides to cut his losses and sells his share for 50p to a mystery buyer. McCabe follows suit and sells his share to self made millionaire Reg McWragg, a garage door salesman. The mystery buyer also turns out to be Reg who now has full control. Reg decides to be "fan friendly" and abolishes the complicated ticketing system. Cash only now, POD and preferably in shillings. A new poster appears on S24SU by the name of Tyler al Corbyn, calls everyone a cunt and receives 438 likes to open his account.
My algorithm will need updating due to the JTW so will give you my second half to the season predictions around then. Interesting further prophecies in store, stay tuned folks.
August: United's opener results in a 0-4 thrashing. There's not much concern as fans are united in the view that we can't expect too much against an ex-premier league club and we would have thrashed 'em anyway if Couttsy was back to full fitness. United get stuffed in the EFL Cup but that's OK as we can now concentrate on the league.
September: With United sitting near the bottom of the league, we come up against Brum. Che Adams scores a hat trick in a 0-3 defeat. Fans are outraged as he celebrates in front of his own fans. This is followed by a home defeat against Millwall but most of the fury is directed against SYP for forcing the fans to make a detour via Heeley bottom to get back into town after the match.
October: Another fruitless month culminating in a home defeat to Wigan. No worries claim the fans, they've just come up from L1 and have momentum and pashun. And anyway, our new signing Kyle McClogger from Northampton U21's didn't arrive in time for the pre-season and needs time to gel.
November: Eagerly awaited derby match, seen by many as "our season starts here". 0-0 draw with no shots on goal. Billy substituted after 5 minutes and Wilder says "what the fuck do you expect from a 33 year old, we needed some fresh legs out there!". Misery compounded by pig fans going mental at successive 0-0 wins at the Lane.
December: Bottom of the league and alarm bells suddenly start to ring. The Prince decides he's had enough and decides to cut his losses and sells his share for 50p to a mystery buyer. McCabe follows suit and sells his share to self made millionaire Reg McWragg, a garage door salesman. The mystery buyer also turns out to be Reg who now has full control. Reg decides to be "fan friendly" and abolishes the complicated ticketing system. Cash only now, POD and preferably in shillings. A new poster appears on S24SU by the name of Tyler al Corbyn, calls everyone a cunt and receives 438 likes to open his account.
My algorithm will need updating due to the JTW so will give you my second half to the season predictions around then. Interesting further prophecies in store, stay tuned folks.
