“Have a few blade friends who were giving it large earlier in the season but have spent the last few months in a massive retreat. As a result, I have a unique insight into the psyche of the average blade and so here’s their standard excuses for when they get beat:
1. They would have beaten us if they’d had their first choice midfield available. Whenever they lose it’s always down to them being one or more short in midfield. Admittedly, this argument is going to be more difficult to pull-off now they’ve signed a few. Their first choice midfield are: coutts, some bloke who isn’t coutts, another bloke who isn’t coutts, and another bloke who I’ve never heard of but definitely isn’t as good as coutts. By the way coutts is the best player in the championship and is highly rated by all SU fans. P.S. Coutts suffered a broken leg in a match against Burton literally ages ago but this doesn’t stop SU fans constantly harping on about him. As an update, SU fans are currently petitioning the EFL to get Burton’s villain of the piece banned for life despite the fact that said villain merely attempted to block coutts’ shot and the referee didn’t see the challenge as a foul never mind a booking.
2. Their entire squad, training ground, & stadium, cost less than Neves. They’re very fond of proclaiming that they have the smallest budget in the championship (except they don’t) and will be quick to point this out when they get stuffed. There’s nothing at all ironic in this position despite the fact that they bought promotion from league 1 with the largest budget of all competing clubs and posted a thumping £6 million loss last year. As an aside, Neves isn’t fit to lace Coutts’ boots.
3. Undoubtedly our win will be down to us scoring a worldy. Whenever SU lose it’s because the opposition either: a) score a worldy; b) played out of their skins, e.g. Fulham; c) got lucky, as in, Fulham scored 5 lucky goals.
4. SU got a player undeservedly sent off. As in, since when did a two footed studs up leg breaking lunge 1ft off the ground warrant a red card??? Flecks’ perfectly legitimate well timed tackle was deemed worthy of a red by the overly officious referee of their encounter with Bristol City. Korey Smith, the villain of the piece for successfully influencing the referee due to his theatrics, stupidly took things way too far by actually going off injured. Yes, he went off injured and the knuckle draggers still say he was a play acting wimp. Football is now played by pansies. BC went on to beat SU but only because Fleck was undeservedly sent off and BC got extremely lucky. BC definitely didn’t deserve to win and Wilder definitely didn’t **** things up with his tactics and substitutions. P.S. Wilder is God since achieving promotion from league 1 despite his hands being tied and forced to work miracles with the largest budget in the division.
5. We were nothing special and they battered us at their place. They won’t mention us being a man down for 80 minutes.
Don’t forget: you heard them here first. “
Blimey. I hope this brought him some peace.
