Osborn On One

[S64 Blade]

It's just dawned on me that he missed the game on Tuesday, due to being unwell. So surely any emails Ben received these last few days were, for once, genuine and relevant.

 

[west_yorks_blade]

This follows the same lines as when you see someone and say " how are you doing?" "Yeah I'm alright thanks, how are you?" "Yeah good" and the conversation ends.

Like anyone really gives a monkeys.

So true and just try answering honestly.

'Not too well to be honest. I've got a headache because I drank too much last night. I've burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza and I've got a stiff neck. As for my back, well I'm a martyr to it. My ingrowing toenail is sore. I've got a blocked ear, and I haven't had a shit for 3 days'

Just watch them back away. Mind you they don't ask you again .

 

[Kev Gee]

So true and just try answering honestly.

'Not too well to be honest. I've got a headache because I drank too much last night. I've burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza and I've got a stiff neck. As for my back, well I'm a martyr to it. My ingrowing toenail is sore. I've got a blocked ear, and I haven't had a shit for 3 days'

Just watch them back away. Mind you they don't ask you again .

"I'm not to good thanks ever since I got diagnosed with Anthrax" "how are you?"

 

[Paisley Blade]

I start all my emails with "Hi, Cheets here..."

I start all mine with 'Hi, Stegosaurus here'.

 

[Cheets]

I start all mine with 'Hi, Stegosaurus here'.

Yes, that was the joke..

 

[Paisley Blade]

Yes, that was the joke..

TGIF

 

[Bladesman]

It's just dawned on me that he missed the game on Tuesday, due to being unwell. So surely any emails Ben received these last few days were, for once, genuine and relevant.

Dear Ben,

Hope you are well.

Can you play at Hull this Saturday?

Please let me know.

Kind Regards
Big Slav

 

[Fulwood Blade]

I start all my emails with "Hi, Cheets here..."

which reminds me..............what the fuck has happened to Stegosaurus ? returned to porktalk?

UTB

 

[BladesOnToast]

We hope that you're well
We hope that you're weee-ell
Benjamin Osborn
We hope that you're well

Altogether now, Blades going to Hull tomorrow (assuming Oz plays)

 

[WORKSOPBLADE]

Met him a couple of times. Top lad.

 

[Houston_Blade]

which reminds me..............what the fuck has happened to Stegosaurus ? returned to porktalk?

UTB

With any luck

 

[SLB]

That's the real quiz! That's the real quiz!

Frey Bentos.

 

[Guesty]

Frey Bentos.

Haha, I'd forgotten that one!

 

[knowsnowt]

I forgot the password to my email account years back. Hope I never remember it.. It'd take me years to read em all.

Regards. KN.

 

[BladeInBC]

This follows the same lines as when you see someone and say " how are you doing?" "Yeah I'm alright thanks, how are you?" "Yeah good" and the conversation ends.

Like anyone really gives a monkeys.

I don't know if you're a Scrubs fan but The Todd likes to use the phrase, "...how's your penis." This gets straight to it.
"Hey Kev Gee, how's your penis?" Much more relevant.

 

[Davalon]

I like Ben. Seems down-to-earth, funny and also has a bit more going on upstairs than the typical footballer.

My biggest gripe with emails is when people put their qualifications in their signature, when it's not really relevant... BA in journalism, from the University of the arse end of nowhere..."

It's relevant in some circumstances but in my experience in my industry, when people put them on their signatures when they have roles that aren't necessarily relevant to them, they're usually arseholes who are pretty crap at their job.

 

[Davalon]

which reminds me..............what the fuck has happened to Stegosaurus ? returned to porktalk?

UTB

Or Vital

 

[Now and again]

Wasn't it Graham Le Saux who was genuinely considered to be Gay because he preferred to read the Broadsheets rather than the tattle rags?

No, it was because he used to shove his finger up players arses in the shower that they considered him to be gay.

 

[Gin&Juice]

No, it was because he used to shove his finger up players arses in the shower that they considered him to be gay.

sounds a bit of a fantasy that Gav.

 

[Stegosaurus]

which reminds me..............what the fuck has happened to Stegosaurus ? returned to porktalk?

UTB

Hi Stegosaurus here

Im still around. Ill start posting more since the public clearly demand it

 

[Now and again]

sounds a bit of a fantasy that Gav.

Grinning like Zippy as he goes about his business.

 

[cahill]

Funny I’ve noticed everybody I say « ayup » to in the street says « I’m a bit pushed for time » and scurries off. Might be more useful and helpful if they say « fuck off you boring green teethed stinky twat who needs to cut back on the curries ». At least it would give me something to work on.

 

[Greenwich Blade]

So true and just try answering honestly.

'Not too well to be honest. I've got a headache because I drank too much last night. I've burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza and I've got a stiff neck. As for my back, well I'm a martyr to it. My ingrowing toenail is sore. I've got a blocked ear, and I haven't had a shit for 3 days'

Just watch them back away. Mind you they don't ask you again .

At the GP Surgery, the person in front of you is greeted by the receptionist: "Hi, how are you?"

Patient: "I'm fine thanks."

Reception: "How can I help you?"

Patient: "Well, I've got a fractured skull, cracked ribs, a strained metatarsal..."

When they ask me how I am, I now always reply with, "Not brilliant, otherwise I wouldn't be here."

I know they appreciate this witty riposte of mine because they always look so angry, presumably because they didn't think of it first.

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

The fact I didn't end this tweet with 'kind regards' will haunt me forever.

View attachment 121164

This is the feature the people need to see, make it happen!

Come on Hal, if you can get Princey boy, you must be able to woo Ozzy!!

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

I like Ozzy, he strikes me as one who isn't too arsed about the nonsense that comes with being a modern day footballer. Plus he listens to decent music.

I reckon he'd be up for a night at the Fat Cat, then banging tunes down the Leadmill...

 

[Charlieblade]

Hi Stegosaurus here

Im still around. Ill start posting more since the public clearly demand it

Fuck off and die yer porky faced cunt.

 

[Charlieblade]

I like Ozzy, he strikes me as one who isn't too arsed about the nonsense that comes with being a modern day footballer. Plus he listens to decent music.

I reckon he'd be up for a night at the Fat Cat, then banging tunes down the Leadmill...

It’s been a while. Is the Leadmill still open?

 

[Trigger Blade]

I like Ozzy, he strikes me as one who isn't too arsed about the nonsense that comes with being a modern day footballer. Plus he listens to decent music.

I reckon he'd be up for a night at the Fat Cat, then banging tunes down the Leadmill...

He and Mrs O are regulars in one of the pizza places on Eccy Road. No idea what toppings he favours, doubt it’s pineapple.

 

[Rob86]

Osborn does seem like a good lad. I remember in lockdown when he decided to throw a jug over his house

Absolutely amazing

 

[Kozzy_is_my_Dad]

It’s been a while. Is the Leadmill still open?

Aye, back hosting gigs! They had the Pigeon Detectives on a couple of nights ago.

He and Mrs O are regulars in one of the pizza places on Eccy Road. No idea what toppings he favours, doubt it’s pineapple.

Might be a deal breaker in our budding friendship then - ham and pineapple, stuff of the gods.