"It wouldn't have happened at Hillsborough"
Darren Burke 0n line reporter
It looked like it would be the happiest Christmas for ten year old orphan Little Jimmy. After finding out his parents had bought him a puppy for Christmas, a lovely Akita/Pit bull cross, he found he'd got a ticket for Sheffield Uniteds Boxing Day fixture, a team he and his Auntie Ethel have supported since they were top of the league earlier this season. However, the rules at Bramall Lane strictly prohibit disabled orphans, who may or may not be blind, taking their dogs into the ground.
He was devastated, His Owls fan father, Rocky, said from prison. He cried so much he fell out of his wheelchair as if his mother, Lambrini, had brayed him. He won't be going there ever now, said the house burglar and pensioner robber.
It's a different story though for Auntie Ethel, 59, who though sad for her nephew, will be going to the match with her new love, Staffie MKat, 19, who she met and wanked off at the Stars Christmas party last week.
In an astonishing display of goodwill though, Sheffield Wednesday have offered to send a D Taxi for Little Jimmy, to whisk him to their next home game where he will have lunch and watch the from the Directors Box, as soon as the club receive a cheque for £1500 plus vat at 40%.
The final words though, go to Little Jimmy after hearing of the Owls offer "Just when you thought it couldn't get any fucking worse"