FYI car nicked during match last night

[Sean Thornton]

The moral is, if you’re not an experienced criminal, don’t do crime, because you’ll be shit at it.
My ex brother in law tried to fake a car theft. He drove it to some woods and set fire to it. I think he pulled out some wires before he torched it to make it look like it had been hot wired and smashed a window.
But he forgot to break the steering lock. Coppers didn’t prosecute. They just told him they knew what was going on and if he claimed for theft on his insurance, they’d nick him for fraud. So, effectively, he’d gone into the woods with a load of money and set fire to it. Prick.

You followed me to the woods and drove me home to your sister.

 

[BushBlade]

You followed me to the woods and drove me home to your sister.

No, if I’d been there I’d have said “scaff the steering lock you dickhead or you’re walking home”.

 

[sitwell]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

 

[BushBlade]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

He’s probably still having nightmares about being chased by an angry naked bloke.

 

[BadgersBigToe]

Surprised they didn’t just film you and then cave your front door in at 5am three weeks later.

Could be worse.....could have caved his back door in and filmed it

 

[bongleblade]

So, effectively, he’d gone into the woods with a load of money and set fire to it. Prick.

Sounds like that time The KLF burned a million quid... but less cool

 

[Keen Blade]

I have a convenient baseball bat, plus a 10 stone akita that doesn't bark but loves to try and bite things that come on the back she doesn't know

Often thought I should have married one of those Russian girls

 

[Keen Blade]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

The mental image is doing my head in.
At what point did you don some undercrackers ... or did you "hang out" with the cops whilst they took down your particulars ?

 

[Keen Blade]

You followed me to the woods and drove me home to your sister.

Didn't scaff the steering lock ?
Schoolboy error.
Was this before you became skilled in the dark arts of corporate accountancy ?

 

[wizadry]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

Just before you ran out did you manage to put your kitchen apron on, the one with a six pack and some Keith Lemon briefs on it?

 

[sitwell]

The mental image is doing my head in.
At what point did you don some undercrackers ... or did you "hang out" with the cops whilst they took down your particulars ?

When I got back to the house Mrs Sitwell had the phone to the cops in one hand and a pair of boxers in the other

 

[sitwell]

Just before you ran out did you manage to put your kitchen apron on, the one with a six pack and some Keith Lemon briefs on it?

You never leant it me.

 

[Aston max]

Often thought I should have married one of those Russian girls

Not mine but close, scarey when coming out of the dark,

 

[Moan? Nope-I saw Longhorn]

When I got back to the house Mrs Sitwell had the phone to the cops in one hand and a pair of boxers in the other

Given your ‘tag line’ Surely she could have found summat better to grab hold of than a pair of boxers !?!?
Or would she need to put the phone down n’all

 

[Keen Blade]

View attachment 145067
Not mine but close, scarey when coming out of the dark,

Ah , right ,
Thought you'd said Nikita

 

[Blackheath Blade]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

Hope your feet recovered ok Sitters?

 

[metalblade]

My brother in law came home one day to find two workmen fitting a new door frame to his flat, his expensive door was laid in the hallway when he asked what the fuck was going off a copper came out of his kitchen................ Sorry Sir we did a drugs raid while you was out we should have gone to the flat upstairs

 

[Blackheath Blade]

As if last night’s result wasn’t disappointing enough, I walked back to the car with the little ‘uns to find it had been nicked - parked on Abbeydale Road just up from Amici and Bici ( great cafe btw ). A long night getting back to Altrincham and a day spent trying to get contact insurers.

I’ve always parked there no problem so I was a bit shocked. Anyone had similar?

Really sorry to read about this Jonny. I fully believe our country is going to the fuckin wall and stories like this makes my piss boil. Hope you and the kids are ok and that the cunts that did this get what they deserve.

 

[sitwell]

As if last night’s result wasn’t disappointing enough, I walked back to the car with the little ‘uns to find it had been nicked - parked on Abbeydale Road just up from Amici and Bici ( great cafe btw ). A long night getting back to Altrincham and a day spent trying to get contact insurers.

I’ve always parked there no problem so I was a bit shocked. Anyone had similar?

How did you get back? If your kids are owt like mine they will love telling the story for a long time to come, although the naked bit of my ordeal seems to be prioritized.

 

[Sean Thornton]

No, if I’d been there I’d have said “scaff the steering lock you dickhead or you’re walking home”.

True. You would have Scuffles…..

Mind you, we’d have struggled in a chase with your Fiat Panda!

 

[Tom Bott]

Sounds like that time The KLF burned a million quid... but less cool

Yeah but they were justified, oh and ancient, and never torched their ice cream van.

 

[Champagneblade]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

What did you get for indecent exposure?

 

[Edgar Allan Poo]

Our alarm went off a few years ago and I thought it was the cat, came down stairs naked and put the alarm back on, had one quick last glance around and this twat was at my open kitchen door, I chased him for about 100 yards before with the Mrs shouting out of the window before I realized that my feet were killing. Loads of cops turned out but while they were at ours he did 3 more houses on a cul de sac around the corner. I picked him out of an ID book the police showed me. Ours was one of 88 burglaries to be 'taken into account'. He got 6 years the fucking smackrat.

Any CCTV footage available? Asking for a friend in the police. Well, a couple of friends who like role play in uniforms actually.

 

[prince albert]

What did you get for indecent exposure?

They let him off
Lack of evidence

 

[diode_blade]

Lot of shite going off down on abbeydale road at the moment, it's probably the same twats that are trying to break into the shops, there is apparently a drug den near by. It was on radio sheff last week, TF talking about it and interviewing shop owners. Allegedly SYP know it.
As long as you and kids are ok.

 

[Jonny2sheds]

All good, mate. Thank you. It’s just a car, I know, but inside I’m raging like we all would be. Massive inconvenience and unwanted expense, but we will all be back at BDBL for the next one. UTB.

 

[BushBlade]

All good, mate. Thank you. It’s just a car, I know, but inside I’m raging like we all would be. Massive inconvenience and unwanted expense, but we will all be back at BDBL for the next one. UTB.

Ah, Jonny2jags. Good evening Mr Prescott.

 

[pommpey]

Advice to all.

See a crime in progress, do NOT intervene or assault the criminal. You'll eclipse the theft case with your own assault charge and you'll end up with a suspended sentence minimal, unless you have witnesses you were acting in self defence or saving a life.

Believe me, my baser instincts would be to get fucking stuck in but all the cunt has to do is fall on the deck McBurnie style and you are getting arrested. It's a shit world folks.

The best thing you can do is film it, get descriptions and reg numbers, direction of escape and give it to South Yorkshire's finest for them to put in the bin. You know how it works.

pommpey

 

[Bert]

Advice to all.

See a crime in progress, do NOT intervene or assault the criminal. You'll eclipse the theft case with your own assault charge and you'll end up with a suspended sentence minimal, unless you have witnesses you were acting in self defence or saving a life.

Believe me, my baser instincts would be to get fucking stuck in but all the cunt has to do is fall on the deck McBurnie style and you are getting arrested. It's a shit world folks.

The best thing you can do is film it, get descriptions and reg numbers, direction of escape and give it to South Yorkshire's finest for them to put in the bin. You know how it works.

pommpey

However over in Cuba.....

Someone known very well to Bert is a big powerful black guy, also a black belt in Karate.

A few years ago he caught someone breaking into his house in Havana.

He dragged the thief into the street battered him and then shouted to his wife to get his machete. He swung the machete down on the guy and at the last second twisted it round and hit him with the flat side... all to terrify him.

He then dragged the guy through the streets to the police station.

The next day the police went round to his house..... and asked him if he wanted to join the police force.

 

[Bert]

However over in Cuba.....

Someone known very well to Bert is a big powerful black guy, also a black belt in Karate.

A few years ago he caught someone breaking into his house in Havana.

He dragged the thief into the street battered him and then shouted to his wife to get his machete. He swung the machete down on the guy and at the last second twisted it round and hit him with the flat side... all to terrify him.

He then dragged the guy through the streets to the police station.

The next day the police went round to his house..... and asked him if he wanted to join the police force.

One of these 4 blokes, all karate men